Rituals to Embody the Harvest Season

Gleaners, by James Tissot. Public domain.

Let's go beyond "grateful" decor or compulsory gratitude lists this harvest season, shall we? In a world infiltrated with attention economics, it can feel difficult or even unsafe to savor the fruits of your labor, but the truth is, we really need to (I’ll share why later.) Whether it’s your garden or a new endeavor, each harvest season grants you a sacred pause to evaluate what goes into the compost and what you want to harvest. But, with harvest comes responsibility. If the harvest goes untended or forgotten, it will undoubtedly rot.

In this post, you'll learn what the harvest season means and its importance. You'll also find a card spread and ritual to help you embody what you're harvesting this season that goes beyond a basic gratitude list. 

What is the harvest season? 

For many witches and pagans, the Autumnal Equinox sits in the middle of the harvest season, beginning with Lugnasadh or Lammas on August 1 and ending with the season of Samhain, which starts on October 31. These seasons were associated with harvest, celebration, satisfaction, and gratitude themes. But what happens if your gratitude remains on the surface and doesn't have space and safety to permeate through your body as deep satisfaction? 

Many of our ancestors' harvest seasons were labor-intensive and celebratory. The harvest moon, the full moon closest to the Autumn Equinox, was given this name because it provided additional light for our ancestors to harvest into the night. The harvests during this time were of utmost importance because their livelihood depended on it for themselves and their communities. It's why so much lore and magic is associated with grain, crops, and livestock during the harvest seasons. For example, making apple magic, making corn dollies, baking bread with the first harvest, and running cows through smoke to protect them over the winter. 

“Wholeness” Original artwork copyright Cassie Uhl 2023

For many of our ancestors, it may have been easier to feel grateful and satisfied amidst a harvest season because their lives depended on it. Today, in many ways, we're set up for failure around feeling a true sense of gratitude and satisfiability within a season of harvest. With the ease of grocery stores, 2-hour delivery, and advertising that aims to prey on our attention just enough to distract us toward the next shiny thing, it's not surprising that many of us have been groomed into a cycle of lack where it can feel difficult to access a sense of satisfaction. I'm undoubtedly guilty of succumbing to the immediacy of consumerism only to miss the delectable fruit right in front of me. 

Why it's time to embody your harvest!

By design, the dominant culture seeks to separate you from an embodied sense of gratitude. When you're satisfied and deeply grateful for what you have, you become useless to capitalism. 

There is also immense pain and sadness in the present moment. With multiple genocides occurring and ecocide at all of our doorsteps, it can make feeling satisfied not only difficult but unsafe. It requires immense bravery to feel deeply satisfied while also being alive to the pain in this world.

Image: Grain Harvest in Bulgaria. Public Domain.

The misalignments with the gratitude platitudes displayed during this season are easy to spot. Why? If you are brave enough to embody, savor, and feel the depth of whatever you're harvesting this season, it will undoubtedly be followed by aligned action. Yet, this year (2024) we reached Earth Overshoot Day on August 1 (coincidentally the beginning of the harvest season!), which, according to overshoot.footprintnetwork.org, "marks the date when humanity's demand for ecological resources and services in a given year exceeds what Earth can regenerate in that year." OOOF. Yes, I know, that's a lot to stomach. This is where the need for all of us to lean into a deeply embodied sense of gratitude comes in. 

Ritual to Embody Your Harvest this Season

For this ritual, you'll need the following: 

• 20-40 minutes

• A fruit, grain, or vegetable in season that you have access to and would want to eat (think apples, grain products, squash, or root vegetables)

• Pen or pencil and paper

I will encourage you to recall something you harvested this season. It could be a vegetable crop, making new friends, attending your first protest, or picking up a new painting hobby. I'll invite you to sit with your harvest, think about how different parts of the process made you feel, and take slow, intentional bites of your food as you consider how this harvest has shaped you and those around you. 

1. Prepare your materials and space in a way that feels good to you. Consider lighting a candle or incense and calling on any benevolent guides or ancestors to assist you. 

2. Spend a few minutes writing about what you're harvesting this year. It could be a physical harvest, like fruits, vegetables, or flowers from your garden. Or, it could be a hobby you picked up, a project you finished, a goal you accomplished, or a new way of being. This could be from any point in the year or something that isn't finished. For example, if you've been practicing reading tarot cards, what can you celebrate that you've learned so far? 

3. With your harvest written down, hold your food item in your hand and remember what it felt like when you started this new path or project. Remember how it felt in your body, take a few breaths with that memory, and take a bite of your food item. 

4. Think about everything that happened before you started that path or project that led you to that moment of starting. Notice what comes up in your body, and take a few breaths here. Give thanks (aloud or in your mind) to those past parts of yourself and your life that lead you to start the new path or project, and then take another bite of your food. 

5. Think about how it felt to engage in the new path or project. How did it go, or has it gone up until now? What has it stirred up for you? What did you learn? Sit with these questions, notice what comes up in your body, take a few breaths, and take another bite of your food. 

6. Come to the present moment with your harvest. How does it feel today? What are you grateful for right now? What is there to celebrate? What is there to grieve? How has this harvest affected those around you? Notice what comes up in your body, take some breaths, and then take another bite of your food.

7. Continue this for as long as you'd like. When you feel complete, and if it feels aligned, leave some food to return to the earth as an offering for holding you in this ritual. You might even consider burying your written harvest with the food in the earth. Be creative. There are many beautiful ways to complete this ritual. 

8. Thank any guides or ancestors you included in this ritual, and close your space in a way that feels good. 

Embodying the Harvest Card Spread 

Try out this four-card spread with your favorite tarot or oracle card deck to help you work with what you're harvesting this season. If journaling is your thing, these questions can be used as prompts.

1. What from this harvest season is ready to be put into the compost?

2. What from this harvest season is ready to be savored and embodied? 

3. How can I better savor and embody this harvest? 

4. How can this harvest nourish me, my family, or my community? 

Each harvest season is an opportunity to release what's no longer serving and harvest what is. But remember, harvesting comes with the responsibility to savor and embody the fruits of your labor. I hope this harvest season ritual and card spread help you feel more satiated this season in all you have accomplished this year. Click to learn more about the harvest season, which includes Lughnasadh, the Autumn Equinox, and Samhain.

Vervain and Slow Magic

Hoary Vervain (Verbana Stricta). Copyright Cassie Uhl 2024

Do you ever rush your magical practice or push for a result? Urgency, production, and instant gratification are common themes in the overculture, so naturally, they can find their way into your magical practice. These themes have certainly shown up in my practice!

Here’s a little story about how Vervain taught me the importance of slowing down to different timelines to co-create potent magic.

Listen here or click below. Transcript coming soon.

Awen in the essence /|\. Copyright Cassie Uhl 2024. Find the essence here.

Unearthing Resiliency with Plant Kin ft. Lupita Tineo

Tender heart, let’s take a moment to honor the grief in the world right now. As many continue to witness and aim to end multiple genocides, how is your heart, and in what ways are you allowing your grief to arise? With the continued and unnecessary extinguishing of human and more-than-human life right now in Palestine, Sudan, Congo, and more, you might find yourself going to bed and rising with the weight of this grief heavy in your heart. I know I do and that I’m not alone in this.

In today’s episode with my guest and dear friend, Lupita Tineo of Yolia Botanica, we’ll explore how we continue to navigate the grief and blessings of being alive and reflect on how forming emotional connections with our plant family can help expand our resiliency during intense grief. 

If you feel like you’re resiliency is waning, this is normal, rest, acknowledge, but please come back. It’s as important as ever that we remain steadfast in raising our voices, especially from places of privilege, to speak out against what’s happening and not turn away.

The weight of the world is too much for one body to hold or fix and you are not intended to do it alone. There are beings, seen and unseen, human and more than human available to help us root deeper into our resiliency. 

I trust you are doing your best to be with the grief and blessings of this moment while also rising to the continued calls to speak out against what’s happening. It takes all of us so. If you’re hungry for deeper resiliency, I hope you’ll stay and listen. 

Let’s get into this bounty of wisdom. Here’s more about my dear friend, Lupita Tineo, and her shop, Yolia Botanica.

Yolia Botanica is woman-owned and operated, blending Mexican curanderismo and paganism to provide respectful alternatives that help people take care of their spiritual bodies. Our products are created for modern brujas of all levels with the foundation of respecting sacred herbs, tribes, and practices. At Yolia Botanica, we don’t currently work with white sage or palo santo. Instead, we provide appropriate options that respect the life of the plant and the sanctity of spiritual traditions, specifically of Indigenous peoples of the Americas. Everything is made by Guadalupe aka Lulu, who was born and raised in Sonora, Mexico, and is on a reclaiming and reconnecting journey to her Indigenous ancestry. 

Here’s our chat. Click below to listen. Keep scrolling to read the transcript.

Cassie: Welcome, my dear friend, Lulu, to the show. I'm so happy to have you here. Finally. 

Lupita: Thank you. Thank you, Cassie. I appreciate it. We went around for months.

Cassie: I know, we did, but we made it happen. I always like to start off by just asking you a little bit about your lineage, and that could be your ancestry, your teaching lineage, or anything that you feel like you want to speak about what's shaped who you are today and your work.

Lupita: I was born in Ciudad Obregón, Sonora, and this particular city in Sonora has the County name of Cajeme, which is really something that fills me with pride. I'm like, yes, it might not be the city's name, but it's the county's name. Cajemé was an Indigenous warrior who, in the 1900s, was part of, I guess you could say, the war that happened against the Yaqui people.

So this one has a lot of story. Cajemé County is vast, not just to Ciudad Obregón. It covers a bunch of other small towns around it. The primary tribe that resides in this area is the Mexican Yaquis. or the Yoeme. We do have the, I guess you could say, other side of the border. Yaqui, which are called the Pascua Yaqui.

Unfortunately, they are divided by a border now. And so they have different benefits, and they do have different conditions of life because of this. So Cajemé was an Indigenous warrior who, when the Spanish came. And they took over Mexico. Now we're talking about the early 1900s; the Mexican government was still fighting the indigenous people.

Okay. They still wanted to take their lands and deplete their resources. And so they were the very same Mexicans who primarily Spanish leaders led at this time, were on a hunt for the resources of the Yaqui, which is southern, central, west of Sonora, it covers a very large portion of Sonora because then we start entering the Arizona tribes and he had been contracted by one of them, a Spanish legislator to lead a Mexican army into the lands and pretty much kill them all and take their land.

Cajemé wasn't for anyone he had grown up in poverty. He did what he had to and for whom he had to do it, but he learned of this person's true goal, which was to eradicate the Yaqui tribe. They wanted to completely erase them so that there would be no trace so that there would be no one to give land back to ever.

Cajemé, being of this tribe, I guess, you know, people change, turned on this man who paid him a lot of money to lead their Mexican army, and he got together with the leaders of the Yaqui tribe and taught them what the plan was. And Cajemé had been In a lot of wars, a lot of fights, a lot of guerrilla groups.

So, he knew a lot about fighting and defending. What the Yaquis didn't have weapons, but Cajemé taught them how to make them with rocks, sticks, city, and arrowheads, all of the good stuff. To make it short, they succeeded in this battle. Unfortunately, it was not for long until a bigger army was sent that ended up slaughtering that whole village, which is where Sula Lobregón is now.

And so the County was named after Cajemé. Because of what he had done, of what he had stood for the Yaqui communities, his own community, so I, I like to think that I'm from Cajeme and not from Ciudad Obregón, because Ciudad Obregón is named after that very same legislator who slaughtered the entire region, of the Yaqui tribe, and There's a really amazing documentary on YouTube called Yaqui's, it's a Mexican man who goes on a very extensive history search for the landmarks, the stories and the evidence of a genocide against the Yaqui people, which lasted approximately 44 to 46 years.

This is one of the longest persecutions against an indigenous tribe. We're not talking about, oh, they slaughtered them for 10 years straight. And that was it. It went on for four decades, and it is very heartbreaking because we see in the documentary how the communities are now living because of this, the scraps of resources that they have to live with, how they unite and they stick together, and they're still teaching their children their native tongue, and Spanish is their second tongue.

And so it's this beautiful rendition of pain and persecution and the unity that follows into the very few. Yaqui people that remain today. So that's where a lot of my lineage comes from. Whether my mom's side, primarily Spanish, has any ties to that. I'm not sure, but my dad's side for sure has it.

I was able to find a picture from my dad's family, which is the oldest picture we were able to date, which is from around 1948. So, up until 1948, we have nothing prior. We have no records, we have no pictures, we have no idea of the names of people or where they were from. And there's a picture of this woman who would have been my father's side, my grandmother's great-grandmother.

And you look at this woman, and you say, This is an indigenous woman, but my dad's family didn't grow up that way. My dad's family grew up, I guess, not seeing themselves as indigenous. They saw themselves as

the rejection of society, the dark ones, the short ones, the ugly ones. And I know this because my dad's sister, whom I'm very, very close to, till this day, she'll call herself names, and she's this short little dark brown woman who got polio as a child.

And so she has a hump on her back, and she was she's the most amazing woman I know. And to hear her talk about herself in that sense, not acknowledging the beautiful culture and richness that she comes from rather. Forcing on herself the derogatory things that society has told her. My aunt praises white people. Okay? I'm not kidding. She adores white skin.

She adores blonde hair. And she's always dreamed of being like that. Because she says it is the most beautiful skin and hair on earth that she will never have. I was little, I could tell you like flashbacks of her just saying things, and she didn't say it in like a pity me. Way, she would just say it because she really believed it.

And so I grew up hearing about her brown skin, dark hair, and features. And so it does things to a child on my mom's side. My grandmother is very light-skinned. She has no hair anywhere. And so I remember my grandmother. Always pointing things out. Oh, look at your dark knees. Look at your dark elbows.

Look how hairy you are. Me and my sister and comparing our skin color to hers 

or her families again, not in a way of making us. I don't think she ever really meant to hurt us, right? It's usually how it happens, but that's what she did. And then here we have my aunt. Where do we lie? Where is there a positive for our existence, our identity, and our body?

There wasn't. There wasn't. There were negative sides coming from the light-skinned people side, negative things being said and pointed out for as long as we can remember because we were dark because our features were different because we had more hair, dark hair at that. And then my aunt, who looked like us, who looked more like us, saying what she had, what she looked like, was the worst of the worst.

So you build these foundations. Off of that, you internalize it, and then you live your life like that. Having internalized all of that colorist, racist, discriminatory. Language all of our lives. So that's more of who I am, where I come from, but also what it meant for me growing up, what that did not really have pride in an identity, not really having to belong to an identity because I wasn't Mexican enough.

I wasn't white enough. Wasn't indigenous enough. There was nothing that I could be enough of. But now, as I'm older, I've reclaimed a lot of things, and you know this: I've reclaimed a lot of things. I've reclaimed many things that brought me shame, starting with my name, which is Guadalupe, and Guadalupes in Mexico are called Lupitas.

And more often now, I try to introduce myself as Lupita because I know where Lulu came from, and it came from a lot of self-hatred. And embarrassment and shame because people couldn't pronounce my name and that brought me a lot of shame, having to assimilate into this country and have a name like that.

I was just the sorest thumb sticking out always and then being the fresh kid that didn't speak English and was brown and hairy. So when people say tell me about who you are, tell me about where you come from. I can't point out all the beautiful things 1st, although I'm grateful for them, although it's taken me a really long time to see and appreciate them.

Now, it didn't become pretty for a very long time, so always the harshest parts for me have to be acknowledged so that we can really understand where a lot of our neighbors come from as far as emotional and mentality. Goes we don't come from a place of acceptance and that can really hinder the way that we connect in the way that we live our lives.

And when I say I am from Sonora, I am Mexican-born and raised. That also comes with the territory of, I don't know who I am, and I'm having to define that, and I'm having to find it, having to yank it out, because it's right under me. It's right under me. 

Cassie: Thank you so much. 

Lupita: You're welcome.

Cassie: I know some of your story, but I don't know all of your story, and I did not know about the history of the Yaqui people. I'm really grateful to you for sharing that with me. I will find the YouTube video, and I'll share a link in the show notes for this episode, so if other people want to look at that, they can. (Click here to watch the Yaqui documentary Lulu references.)

Lupita: It's subtitled in English, too. He does have a book. It's called Yaqui. I don't know if that one's translated, but It's a great documentary. It really puts in perspective a lot of the communities here in Arizona.

We don't know a lot of this history, and so we don't understand. White people are the way they are. Yeah. Or why our communities are the way they are. We're sadder than ever, more disconnected than ever. There's a loss of identity that persists beyond measure. And it comes from things like that comes from persecutions of decades, of generational trauma.

And, it never needs a lot of attention. It just needs people willing to listen. You don't have to go shout it to the world, but what you do need to do is absorb it so that we can be that one little domino chip that bumped the next. And even if there is a lot of space between the next chip, we just want to inspire.

You might not touch people enough that you knock them down to keep doing the ripple effect, but you might inspire them. Because that pressure is big, that the pressure of making justice for everyone, it's big. 

Cassie: Thank you for rooting us into your truth as a starting place and bringing all of that in all of its grief and tenderness here. Because it is so important, and I'm just so honored to know you and to bear witness to your journey, and I always have been, so it's a real honor to be able to share it with others. 

Lupita: Thank you. I appreciate you.

Cassie: I appreciate you. I know; we're just having a little love-cry fest over here. Don't mind. Oh, we go back. 

Lupita: Yeah. I think that surfaces a lot when we talk. Yes. 

Cassie: I would love to hear a little bit about the land and your connection to the land. And this is a practice that, was inspired by Dra. Rocio Rosales Meza. That is to share a little bit about what the land is teaching you and speaking to you right now.

And I know that your connection to the land is deep. So, I would love to hear a little bit about it at this moment in time. 

Lupita: It's quite an amazing journey to think, oh, there's nothing in the desert. And then you go looking, and you find how much power and life and energy are actually here. The Sonoran Desert is one of the harshest environments, but it's also a very diverse environment.

We have high sierras, mountains, which absorb a lot of the rain and that feed with beautiful green luscious hills, the wildlife encourages our to bloom. If you go south into Mexico, you'll find the, which are a type of cactus that is spiny rather than the saguaros, which are one big and thick with arms. Each part of the Sonoran Desert has something really beautiful and unique about it. And depending on how high or how low the elevation is, The elevation will give you a gem. You'll find the pitayas in higher elevations, but you'll find creosote in lower elevations. And you know my obsession with creosote.

I don't know that anybody has more fascination with it more than I do. I know many people love its medicinal properties and the intoxicating smell. Of creosote when it rains and it comes into contact with water, but I don't think people, a lot of people, understand the energetic and magical representation creosote has for me. And this is where we talk about why creosote is so amazing.

I'll give you some fun facts which you already know. But creosote can go without water for up to two years. There is a creosote bush found right on the verge of the Sonoran Desert and the Mojave Desert, which crosses into a little bit of California. And this bush is named King Clone, and it's approximately 12,000 years old.

The scientists who studied this bush believed it to be one of the oldest organisms on Earth that's still standing. And you wonder, wow, how does it do that? So can survive some of the harshest environments and harshest droughts because it stores water in the root system. The root system of a creosote bush is a fighter it up roots, other smaller bushes and preserves its strength because it wants more water. And so it'll eliminate smaller bushes by pushing them up and out from the roots. It tries to take over the bigger the roots, the more water it can store. So I love to think of creosote as a symbol of perseverance.

And a symbol of strength, prosperity, because of that root system, and I always say this, what an amazing thing it would be for us to be so well established and so rooted that everything we have and need to continue through the harshest of environments is right in our roots that sustain us, that hold us.

That feeds us, and that guides us. And so the creosote bush really brings that element for me. I think if I could embody a little bit of what creosote is in my human form, I could touch a lot of people. And I try to, I'm trying to expand this root system and to strengthen my root system so that when harsh environments come again, because they will, I will know that I can continue because my roots uphold me and because my roots will make me go through this, And I just can't think of a better way to experience the desert, if not for creosote bush.

Besides its medicinal properties, creosote has taught me not to judge a book by its cover. It still has so much to offer, even in its dormant form. Indigenous people, as much as Arizona, as much as Sonora, burn the creosote branches as an insect repellent when it's in dormant stages. It's, You know, you look at it when it's cold, and you're like, that is 1 ugly plant because it goes brown, and it it almost looks like it got burned, but it isn't.

It's just dry. It's, it's sleeping. And then the 1st little sign of spring approaches, and it starts to scrap these little tiny green leaves off of those ugly. Brown, dry branches like you would think these branches are dead, but they're not and I see it every spring when it starts to sprout those little green babies, and it new leaves coming in new blooms, new arms, it regenerates itself so amazingly, and it needs nothing, and it needs no one, but it also thrives.

In a community space, because some of the creosotes will connect roots and will help each other in storing water and feeding on themselves through the drought. So I can't find a better example of life than a creosote bush.

Cassie: I love hearing you talk about creosote, and I just want to sing your praises for a moment because they're. I have creosote all over my house. You introduced me to creosote, and I developed a real love of it. I love the smell of it. I love it in the shower. I have your creosote oil. To that, I love to use. So thank you for introducing me to this plant and to all of the listeners because it's so prevalent in the Southwest, too. 

Lupita: It's an emotional attachment to, for a lot of people. If you're not from here, then Korea started. It's like this funky, musky smell.

But for people who have been here for a long time, I've lived here for 20 years, and there's a lot more creosote here than where I live. And where I was born and raised, because I'm really close to the coast, to the Gulf of California. So it's a lot more beachy, a lot more humid and Curioso doesn't like that, so we would have to drive.

Two or three hours out of where I live to find creosote. And we did this because it was medicinal. My grandmother would mash it up and with mix it with other herbs. Another herb, I'm not sure what it's called in English, but in Spanish it's called golondrina and it's literally a weed. It's this little weed that if you plant some plants in your pots and use some of the soil that is here.

You're going to get one of these little plants, and it's tiny, grows out of the dirt, spreads out, and has tiny little circular leaves. So my grandma would grab Golondrina creosote and mash it until it got nice and juicy and sticky, because creosote exudes like a wax from the leaves.

And when we were little, again, I was born and raised in Mexico. There was no chickenpox vaccine for us. So we got chickenpox. And I remember my back being covered in little blisters, and the itchiness was insane. And I just remember my grandmother couldn't handle the whining. And she just rubbed that piece all over our backs.

I think my sister got chicken pox first, and then about a week ish, I got it. And so we have to take two trips to find the creosote. And when we found it, my dad was with us, and my dad told my grandmother. Who is my maternal grandmother? Her name is Sylvia. And my dad said, Sylvia, you can't take from the bushes that are dormant.

You have to take from the green trees. And my grandma said, why? My dad said I don't know. That's just what I've been told. And I carried that with me for a really long time, and I didn't realize I had. That question lingered until a few years ago when I started to work with my career. So this was around 2018.

You don't take from a dormant tree just like you wouldn't take from an ill person. You take from the bush, the branch that's healthier because that means it's strong enough to regenerate and it's strong enough to recuperate from whatever you're taking. And my dad said, do you have a coin because we have to leave something?

And she was like, no, I don't have anything. My grandpa drove us. My grandpa was a smoker. Is a smoker, and my dad's, oh, let's go ask Ernesto if he can give us a cigarette, and my grandma said for what he said, you have to give something, and the conversation seemed like you should know this already.

But my dad grew up in a very small town, four hours, four and a half hours north of where I was. And so we found a lot more creosote there. Because it's closer to the lower elevation, more dry desert, he had a lot more interactions and experience with creosote than my grandmother did.

And that's what he had been told. That's what his mother told him. And so he was just doing it, but my grandmother didn't know. And through time, I learned, about respecting the bush, respecting the shrub. And when I talked to my dad about it, I asked him, Papi, do you remember when we got chicken pox?

And he was like, how could I forget? And I said, do you remember that you were looking for something to give to the bush? And he's, yeah, I remember. So your grandpa ended up putting up a fight for the cigarette, but he's he gave it to me. And I was like, yeah, I was like, do you know why you did that?

He said, it's I didn't want to argue with your grandmother, but You're supposed to give something to the bush. And I was like, okay, do you know why you're supposed to give something? He was like, I don't know. It's it's like a thank you, I think. And I realized my dad has always been really intuitive about those things but also really doubtful.

Like he knew, but didn't know. And I think a lot of us have that, just, but we don't trust it enough. And I shared with him, I said, I've been reading a lot about Creosote, Sonoran Desert, and, I, I'm working with a lot of energy and things like that, so it's an exchange, Dad, it's an exchange.

You're giving something because you're taking something. He's, oh, he's okay. Going to the store, and I was like, sure, he's you give them money, and you get something. And I was like, yeah, sure. That's fine. That's as far as we're going to get.

It's one of those cute little moments of enlightenment of how early the medicine started, how early the practice has started. And we Mexicans do things without knowing why. Or knowing where because that's been lost. The oral sharing, the oral tradition, and then if we do have a little bit of it, it was taboo, don't talk about it, because people are going to think you're a witch.

And we can't call it that. We can't call it brujería. We call it holistic or natural. We can't call it anything. And if you say curandera, you're right there with the witches. 

Cassie: the plight of the witches. It's so prevalent across so many cultures. 

Lupita: So it's a conundrum. Yeah. How do we praise what has always been persecuted and shamed? And we live in that constantly. I find Creosote to be non-binary. I grew up with it being called a feminine name, and when we moved here, it was called a masculine name. And I found that very interesting, and I thought, huh, in Spanish, Spanish has male and female.

So in Spanish, creosote was named the governess or the little stinker 'cause it's very potent. Both of went, which end in a, which is female, RA. So when we moved here and I found people called it. Or creosote or greasewood. I said, those are all male. And then it was just that, that it didn't have to be either or, that it could be both, that it can be a healer and also a conduit of strength.

Cassie: I love that and just, I'm looking at a bundle that I have from you now, and I feel that same energy of it is both. 

Lupita: Yeah. It is. It really is. The way it comes to. Share the healing benefits. It wants to embrace and connect through its healing benefits, but also in the way that it stands up to show its strength and its dominance and its masculine energy of protection and perseverance.

It just pushes through. So, I love the duality. I love the coexistence of the energies because it doesn't have to be one or the other. It can coexist. It can be both. And I think that acknowledges its existence very well. Mhm. For how we see it in different cultures. Because, like how I just mentioned, I grew up with it being feminine, and I've learned to see it as that when I need to, when I'm in my Spanish self, it's feminine.

And when I'm in my English self, it's masculine. Yeah, it meets you where you're at. It really does. Yeah. 

Cassie: I love the story about your, dad coaching your grandma into like how to work with the plants and leave an offering that is such a. Beautiful story 

Lupita: and with a cigarette.

Cassie: Yeah. And I love that you could circle back and connect with him about that, like how healing. I imagine that might have been for both of you. 

Lupita: He said things made a lot of sense. he doesn't remember who taught or told him. He said it was just what everyone did, that you must leave something.

And he was like, when I was a little boy, I had to get some. And all I had on me was a piece of gum, and I left a piece of gum. And I was like, we go back to intention is everything. It really is. Now, having good intentions doesn't excuse ignorance, right? But it helps us get there. It helps us get to a better place of understanding and education for sure because having good intentions is like a foundation of embarking on the right path towards this kind of learning and this kind of living.

But my dad's intentions were right. The education just wasn't. Knowledge wasn't. They never really learned those things. I'm sure somewhere down the line, there was an older woman telling people why, but she was probably labeled as a witch, and then people saw that, and so they stopped sharing that information because they didn't want to be labeled like that woman, so we stopped sharing.

Cassie: Yeah, but the practices persevered.

Lupita: Yes, they do.

Cassie: We have a little bit of time left, and it's funny, I wanted to talk to you about grief and working with plants, and though we haven't named that, it's woven throughout the entire conversation, which I'm not surprised about, but I would love if there is anything that's coming to mind about how you've worked with plants.

Your personal grief, or how you know, because, as I mentioned in the intro, you have a store where you're able to tend to your community and offer your plant medicine, like, how does grief arise? How is grief tended? And how does working? Alongside these different plants, you work with, help support and facilitate that.

Lupita: There is an emotional attachment that guides a lot of what I use. And I've honed in on this emotional attachment to things because I have to understand what it means to me first. And this is something that I talk to people a lot about. Why am I going to use something? That has no connection to me.

Why will I implement something into my life that invokes no feeling? No memory. No sensation whatsoever. There are a lot of beautiful native plants. In Sonora, one of them is creosote, which we grew up with, but most are from all over the world. Chamomile is German or Egyptian, cinnamon, Indonesia, and these herbs have an emotional connection to me because this is what I remember my Abuelita making in the kitchen as a child.

This is what I remember. My aunt's making for me when I had a tummy ache. And so I know there is a lot of herbs that have energetic and physical tending to the heart.

But I think also being at peace with what you're consuming and using because of the emotional peace it brings does a lot of things, too. And if that's cinnamon, then so be it. If that's basil for you, basil your way through, girl. They're natural. They're going to either unbloat you, or help with the nervousness, or help relax the shit out of you, or help you go poop.

There are some amazing benefits. But what does it do to you emotionally? What feelings does it invoke when you smell it, when you touch it, when you drink it, when you cook it, when you burn it? Our emotions can really derail us, but our emotions can also ground us, and our emotions can guide us. I think for the last few years, I really embraced more of What herbs emotionally do for me, whether they are attributed to that or not.

I think chamomile is a staple for a lot of Mexican families, and chamomile has just been that homie for me that whether I'm sad, stressed, or tired, I'm going to have a cup of chamomile. I don't know if there is any specific herb that I would recommend, per se, that is, oh, that one is very connected to the heart, that one is all about emotional healing; I think that emotional healing starts with the feelings provoked by what you're using. In the 1st place, and so when we get that, we can create different connections with what we're using. And that's another really important aspect of using tools and medicine in the 1st place is laying the foundations, the correct foundations.

In the first place, connecting with the things that invoke positive and serene feelings, emotional feelings, so that you can find a sense of self and a sense of peace, knowing that you're using something that connects you back to yourself, to your inner child, to your culture, to your family. And we are reinforcing those routes, and we are working on establishing those routes from the ground up rather than working from here down. Reinforcing from the ground up is super important.

I think we need to go back to the very simple basics of, let me use something that invokes emotional connection.

Cassie: You are such a deep well of wisdom, my friend. Also just want to say that I think you should make a shirt that says “Basil your way through girl”,  because I just think it needs to exist. 

Lupita: Yeah, I use basil for a lot of things. And my personal limpias. Or the one-on-one sessions that I do, I have a bunch of basil outside, and two or three of the plants that I have are a different kind of variation of basil.

I think it's, I think it's Thai basil. I'm going to collect Thai basil. Basil is like a weed in Mexico, especially in the Sonoran parts. Basil likes the sun, but it also likes a little bit of humidity. And so Sonora, further down, is a little humid, and so this shit grows everywhere. All the little houses have basil in a pot somewhere, and it drops the seeds.

Flowers when it dries. And so then they have more basil growing on the ground and you'll find random patches of basil just going everywhere. So I took some of the seeds from my aunt's house, and I put them in the ground, and some of them took off. And they're there, and then I have another popular common cuisine, basil with the big fat leaves.

And then I have another one that's all green with white flowers. And then I have a purple basil, which is beautiful. It's gorgeous. It's I think they call it ruby red. really beautiful basil. The caterpillar worms devoured it. So we're waiting for it to come back and regenerate.

But yeah, basil your way through because basil is anti-inflammatory. And it smells amazing. Cut it and rub the leaves. And just Immerse yourself in the beautiful healing smell like that. It's amazing. Have you ever smelled basil in an essential oil form? 

Cassie: I don't know if I have. 

Lupita: It's interesting. Yeah. Very interesting.

Cassie: It's just incredible to me the different varieties of basil and how they're all so different. And this goes for so many plants. I have holy basil or Tulsi basil in my garden. I have Tulsi, too. I love it. And I, it's just exactly what you described. I make tea with it sometimes. I've made tinctures with it before, but my favorite thing is in the summer to just rub my hands on it.

And it's just the most amazing smell. 

Lupita: And it's sweet. Tulsi is sweet. 

Cassie: Oh, it's like perfume. 

Lupita: Yes, it has this perfumey floral smell with the tanginess, of a basil. 

Cassie: I love what you said, too, because I think, Especially when thinking about grief, it's so important to remember that grief shows up in people's bodies in so many different ways. And so when you honor the plants that you feel called to work with, the ones that you have that emotional connection with, you're honoring how grief is showing up in your body.

Which is different for every grief, for every person; it's just that there's so much variety, and that's the beauty of working with plants is that the plants want to support us. And it's all about what you said, like feeling that emotional connection to them.

Lupita: Yes, if we think of plants as spirits. Then, it facilitates how we want to connect with them.

You don't want to connect with the spirit without having that foundation laid. You I mean, I wouldn't, I would want for there to be a deep connection that honors both of us, even if it is out of a memory, even if it is out of a childhood event, that really induces that. It's like this, threading, inner weaving, where everything just starts to make sense, the feeling, the smell, the memory, and the act of consumption, whether it's energetic or drinking it or eating it, or smelling it, it stimulates your senses.

And now you're in your physical self, as much as you are in your emotional body and your spiritual being. And so there's all of this interconnectedness that's weaved through, allowing for that emotional connection, with a plant. I really don't think you can go wrong with basil. We go back to basil just being amazing.

Rosemary. 

Cassie: Oh, I love rosemary. 

Lupita: For us, it's also Rue's amazing. And, I grew up with Rue being used to cure my ear infections. We never really used antibiotics. We would look through in some olive oil or whatever oil we have and then we put it in our ears and then we'd cover it with cotton balls, until this day, my kids haven't had an ear infection and whenever they join, whenever join us started to.

Show any signs of infection. I have this concoction of oils with ruin and extracts and things, and he'll ask me for it and say, my ear hurts. Can you give me some of that stuff? And I'm like, sure, and this is what I'm doing with him and with both of them is establishing those emotional connections so that when he's older, he can look back.

And remember and have that one or those few staple memories that smelled like something, looked like something, felt like something. I want him to remember that so that he always has something to go back to that makes him feel connected.

Cassie: What a gift. What a legacy. What can you think about? Yeah, to leave that for your children. I think about that a lot with my kids, too, and the potency and the power of showing them how important those relationships can be with our plant family.

Lupita: And respect. I think there's no need for children to be malicious with our environment.

It's one thing to be curious and to learn, which every child has to go through. But I taught both of my boys very early on to respect plants and respect nature. 

Cassie: Can you imagine how lush and abundant and beautiful the earth would be if children were raised, with this reciprocity in mind? 

Lupita: We're not taught that though.

It's taught to take and take abusively and aggressively.

And, I've been speaking on issues with white sage for years, and that's what's happened, and it's happening to follow Santo to where we are taking. Abusively and aggressively, and there's no reciprocity. There's no respect. There's no foundation, and there's no emotional connection. Yeah. So we're taking it because our mind wants to have it, and so there's that disconnect, and the intention is already wrong. The foundation is already wrong. And this is why I said earlier that having the right intention doesn't excuse ignorance. Because maybe you didn't know, like a lot of us, but if you know better, you do better.

 People still choose to look the other way. Yeah, for a lot of things. Yeah. I still choose to look away from the massacre on White Sage, but White Sage is also representative of a lot of other things.

Yeah, a lot of groups of people, a lot of issues in this world. White Sage represents a lot of oppressed communities and we are watching it unfold. In many ways across the globe, that has brought forward its own set of grief, its own set of collective grief, where we don't know how to channel and we don't know where to put it. Personally, I don't know where to put it. I don't know what to do with it, but I allow myself to acknowledge that because not acknowledging it is my privilege. And so if I know something is going on with White Sage, and I find out there's communities being harmed because they're taking their White Sage away because they're killing their White Sage, then they're going to speak up, because if my voice is all I have, then so be it. Yeah. I refuse to be silent. I refuse to be the person who, when this is established as history, refuses to be that part of that percentage that was not part of the collective healing.

Cassie: I think a lot of people, myself included, are learning the value of our voice and the importance of our voice.

Lupita: it represents a lot of things. A lot of wars, a lot of genocides. There is a lot of injustice and a lot of abuse. White sage represents our Indigenous people. It represents our Palestinian people. It represents our people in Congo. It represents people in South Korea and North Korea.

It represents our Mexican people. It represents our Latin Americans. It represents all of it. Yeah. It's more like a symbol, right? But we've seen the efforts of people sharing about White Sage. And the progress that has made. But it didn't happen quick. And that is the thing with time. I think time for me brings a lot of grief sometimes.

Cassie: Yeah. as a collective, too, we're learning so much about how to grieve together. And I think time is a part of that. how do we process and grieve the bigness of the pain of the horrors that are happening in our world? And I think that we're walking. Through it right now. At least the people who are willing to bear witness are learning in real-time. How do we walk through this? How do we assimilate and process what is happening so that we can remain in it? 

Lupita: And I'm smiling because creosote. 

Cassie: Bringing it back to the creosote. 

Lupita: Creosote can be. Both things. Yeah. because it fucking can, it's that simple. It can be grieving and can be in its emotional self, and its feminine self, and it can coexist and push through and persevere. And it's masculine energy, and so I think we are asking, how do we navigate the grief and the blessing of being alive,

Nature is perfect. And will always be perfect examples to life. We find our life in nature, we find meaning, we find reasons, we find purpose, and, that's the most beautiful story to tell. 

Cassie: It is. And I'm looking forward to spending some time. Some of the creosote that I have from you And I will certainly put all the links for your wonderful creations in the show notes. So if anybody listening wants to connect with Creosote. That they can't or connect with Lulu that you can, but I'm just so glad that we found time to do this.

You just brought so much. So I'm just so happy to share your wisdom. Thank you. This was so wonderful. Thank you so much, Lulu, for your time, for your energy, for your wisdom. 

Lupita: Thank you for having me. I appreciate it. It was amazing.

A Card Spread for the Winter Solstice

The winter solstice, or Yule, is the shortest day and longest night of the year. Yule is a sabbat on the Wheel of the Year that marks midwinter, and even though it’s the darkest time of the whole year, it represents a sacred portal of death and rebirth. If you're new to The Wheel of the Year, you can find more about it here.

After Yule, each day begins to get a little more light and a little less dark. It’s a time to celebrate the return of the light. 

Yule is associated with evergreen, holly, ivy, mistletoe, red, white, green, gold, and fire. Sounds a little bit like Christmas, right? The pagan holiday of Yule predates Christmas, and when Christianity swept through Europe, Yule's traditions were woven into the Christian holiday of Christmas. 

Like many of us witches, pagans, and/or spiritual folks, you may honor both Yule and Christmas. 

Keep scrolling to find a tarot or oracle card spread for this Winter Solstice and Yule and other ways you might like to honor this sabbat.

A CARD SPREAD FOR YULE 

Take some time to create a ritual space before you pull your cards. Gather a few candles, light some incense or other herbs, and ground yourself before dropping in with your cards. Set an intention for your intuition, your highest self, and/or your spirit guides to communicate with you through the cards.

When you feel ready, shuffle your cards and pull one card for each of the following questions:

• What themes are surfacing most prevalently, within and outside of me?

• How can I tend to and grieve what wants to surface?

• What's ready to pour into the cauldron of the earth this Solstice?

• How can I care for myself during this tender time of shedding?

• What wants to be reborn, within and outside of me?

Image copyright Cassie Uhl 2023.

Consider sitting with your cards, journaling, and meditating for a while to help you process their medicine and really move the messages through your body.

Some other sweet ways to honor the Winter Solstice and Yule:

• Light candles

• Gather around a fire with loved ones 

• Connect with local evergreen trees

• Burn pine incense

• Meditate on a candle flame or fire

• Honor the wisdom of darkness by spending time inside or outside with the darkness of the season.

• Create a Yule altar with holly sprigs, pinecones, evergreen branches, and red, green, or white candles and crystals

• Winter Solstice & Yule Spell Jar

• Find more ideas here

How will you be honoring Yule this year? Let me know on Instagram.

Journey to the Grandmothers

The Weird Sisters. Johann Heinrich Fussli. 1783. Public Domain Wikimedia Commons.

It can be too easy to forget that you, all of us, are supported in both seen and unseen realms. It’s so important in times such as these that we remember and have space to feel the support of our guides, allies, and ancestors who deeply desire to help support and guide you in this life. The undercurrent beckoning us to consume or produce constantly, all in the name of making money, can easily sever us from this deep truth. 

I was recently guided to connect with three wise grandmothers on a spiritual journey. Their messages were clear, “Slow down, let us support you at this time. You are not meant to do this alone.” 

In this short share, I offer you the story of how I was guided to connect with these three grandmothers, the wisdom they provided, and insight from them via a chat with the tarot.

Here’s our chat. Click below to listen. Transcript coming soon.

Magical Allies for Grief with Ashley Leavy

Welcome beloveds. Today, I’m bringing you a conversation with my dear friend, Ashley Leavy, that feels like a needed love offering at this tender time. In this episode, we talk about magical allies for grief, primarily crystals and stones, but plants and trees also weave into the conversation. We discuss a few crystals that can be wonderful allies in working with grief, navigating ethics while working with crystals, and leaning on your intuition when deciding how to connect with different energies for support while grieving. 

I hope you enjoy listening to this conversation as much as I enjoyed having it and perhaps find some invitations to tend to your grief at this time. Ashley and I have been friends for several years now. I have so much love and respect for her as a person, healer, and teacher, and I am honored to share some of her wisdom with you. 

Ashley Leavy is one of the world’s top crystal healing experts and educators, and author of Crystals for Energy Healing and Cosmic Crystals. Ashley’s passion for crystal healing drives her role as Founder & Educational Director of the Love & Light School of Crystal Therapy. Ashley has created dozens of award-winning, online courses that are fun, educational, and life-transforming, the Love & Light School has quickly grown into a thriving international community.

Here’s our chat. Click below to listen. Keep scrolling to read the transcript.

The following is an unedited transcript. Grammar and spelling errors may be present.

Cassie: Welcome, Ashley.

I'm so glad you're here. Longtime friend of mine, so what a treat to have you on here.

Ashley: It's so nice to get to talk like this. 

Cassie: Yes, it is. We've been talking behind the scenes for many years, and so it does feel special to, be talking here in a more public space together, 

Ashley: yeah.

Cassie: I would love for you to share, a little bit about your lineage, and that can be either your ancestral lineage, or your teaching lineage, or both, but just a little bit about, what's shaped your work and brought you here to this space in your journey. 

Ashley: I think it's a little bit of a combination of things. In terms of my ancestral lineage, what I do is crystal healing. That's mainly the thing that I'm focused on in my work. And that stems back to a lot of summer afternoons spent at my grandma and grandpa's house. My grandfather was a scientist. He was a chemical engineer by trade.

That's what he did, but he was really interested in all things having to do with the natural world. So he was very interested in crystals and minerals. He was also interested in rainfall. And to the point where This man, he was so cute. He would go walk down by the pond near his house every single day and count the number of geese while they were migrating so he could track the goose migration year over year, make little charts and data plots of how many geese, and I just love that kind of thing about him.

So he always approached things from a very sort of scientific mindset. I tend to approach things more from a spirituality mindset. But it was him who I think really instilled that love of nature and the land with me from a really young age. And so we would sit in his office for hours sometimes and he'd show me the different mineral specimens he had in his collection and tell me where they came from and what they were used for and what they were made of and how they got their color and all these things that just seemed so fascinating to me as a kid and really got me started on this path.

So it became a personal practice for many years to work with my crystals. And the first book that I came across that was really about the energy of crystals was by the author Melody. It was the Love is in the Earth book. A kaleidoscope of crystals, and I found out that someone that Melody had trained, was going to be teaching her methodology of crystal healing, where I lived here in Madison, Wisconsin, and I was so excited.

I had to go. I didn't think I wanted to do crystal healing for my work. It was totally just personal practice at that point. This was back in like 2007 and taking that workshop totally. Changed my whole life. I saw firsthand from the experiences that I had from the experiences of other people in that class setting, just how powerful crystals could be when we worked in relationship with them.

And that kind of got me started on a journey to learn. More and more so, although that was where I started in terms of my lineage, I ended up going on to study with Melody quite a few times. I found so many supportive teachers along the way, like Dale Walker and Judy Hall and lots of others that I feel Really lucky to have been able to take classes with some in person, some online.

but all of that has really shaped my personal work because I think a lot of times our teachers can give us. A great starting point for, how to work with our tools. And it's up to us to hone that practice and find something that works for us. 

Cassie: Beautiful. I love hearing all those different pieces of your story and how they weave together and how it started with your grandfather's love of connecting with the land.

That's so beautiful. And just Hearing the richness of your lineage of how you got to where you are, I think it's so important to honor these places where we've come from, so I appreciate hearing a little bit more about your path and your journey. 

Ashley: Yeah, it's so interesting because although Crystal Healing has this really deep, rich history, It really had like a modern day resurgence in the 1980s, 90s, and so a lot of how we think about practicing with crystals today is really informed by that and was shaped by that, but I think with that also created this.

Unspoken set of rigid rules and structure about how something should be. And so I'm sort of unlearning all of that and reclaiming a little bit of the experimentation and play and connection with my stones. 

Cassie: Hmm. Also so needed. Yes, that experimentation in play. And I already know you know this, but just to say it out loud for this episode that I definitely resonate with all of the unlearning that goes along with, really creating a magical practice of your own or a spiritual practice of your own.

And it's. Really empowering too. And it's it doesn't have to be one or the other. It can be our lineage and our ancestry along with, our own personal discoveries and our practices. Okay, we could go on talking about that forever, but 

So before we jump into talking about grief and crystals, I would love to hear a little bit just about the land that you're currently residing on, whose land it is, and maybe any wisdom that the season's sharing with you.

And this is a practice that I learned from Dr. Rocio Rosales Mesa. So I just want to credit her, and bringing this question here to us. 

Ashley: I love this question so much. I live in present day Madison, Wisconsin, known as Dayjope, which is forcefully ceded Ho Chunk land. and I think in terms of something that I'm learning from the season right now, It's a lot of letting go, a lot of recognizing the deep wisdom and the cycles that the land has to offer us, recognizing that, as well as the abundant times, the plentiful times, the very joyous times, there's Always still space within that joy for grief and vice versa when we're deep in our grief when we're deep in the leaner times when we're deep in the stillness, we can also find moments of joy.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing, the land and the season sort of hold space for us to be full and complete and just feel the way that we're feeling. 

Cassie: Thank you for sharing those lessons. 

Here, where I am on Miami land, in so called Indiana, it is very humid and hot today and the land is continuing to give me these beautiful lessons of how much the earth loves us because the earth continues to provide for us even amidst all of the change, the rapid change that we're experiencing in our climate and in the land.

Ashley: Yeah, that's beautiful. Thank you.

Cassie: Before we start discussing, getting into different crystals that one might want to work with when they're walking a grief journey. I'd love to just hear a little bit from you, your personal practice of ways to work with crystals ethically and ways that are rooted in reciprocity and relationship.

Cause I just feel like that's a really. Great foundation to start any conversation when we're talking about crystals and stones because it can be really hard to work with crystals and stones ethically. And I also want to say that this is a huge topic, not something that we can fully Piece apart and expand upon in this episode, but, I have a feeling that you might have other resources, and that I can link those in the show notes because this is such a broad topic.

Ashley: yeah, I'm really glad that you asked this question. It comes up a lot when we're looking at working with crystals, right? With anything that we work with in our lives, there is a cost. There is a trade off and crystals are no different from that. They come from the land. They are the land themselves.

so when we are sourcing our crystals when we're purchasing our crystals, it's helpful to know whether or not those crystals have been sourced as ethically as possible. And this is a phrase that I've started using after lots of conversations with my dear friend, Nicholas Pearson, who's an amazing crystal author.

because there, there may not actually really be any truly ethically sourced crystals. And so we need to look at several different factors when we're choosing them. First and foremost, were the people who were mining those crystals in safe working conditions. That's something we want to consider.

Were the people who were mining those crystals paid fairly for their labor? That's a really big consideration. because we don't want physical extraction of the minerals and also extraction of someone's labor and safety. Third, was any child labor used in the mining of those crystals? Because this happens way more than it should.

So much more than most people know, especially from certain locations, we see this. Predominantly, in specific countries in Africa, but not it doesn't mean every crystal that comes from there. It uses child labor. It just means it's more common there. And then fourth, what's the environmental impact of those stones being mined?

A lot of people think, how can we do healing work with crystals when we've taken them from the earth? We ripped them from the earth. This isn't sustainable. This isn't, an ethical practice, environmentally detrimental, but. Yeah. The truth is most crystals that are on the market, so to speak, are secondary to whatever the intended purpose of that mine was, which is usually some sort of ore or something that we need for, electronics industry, things like that.

For the most part. This isn't always true, but for the most part, the crystals are not the primary thing that is being sought out. So I think it's really important to recognize that, and a lot of people will say things like, I don't want to work with crystals because they're not ethical. you and I are sitting here chatting, on the internet, on our computers right now.

We all have cell phones or iPads or whatever we have. The minerals and the mining practices that go into creating those things are so much more detrimental than The crystals that we work with for healing for again, for the most part speaking pretty broadly. So I think when we are choosing our crystals, we need to be really, mindful and ask good questions.

Those four questions. Are they, are the workers safe? Are the workers paid fairly? No child labor used. And what's the environmental impact? I also think that because in this industry, people know that. Ethical sourcing is important to a lot of consumers. People are throwing around terms like ethically sourced or consciously sourced without really.

Answering those four questions. consciously sourced, especially it's like a red flag term for me, because what does that really mean? and some places are better than others. Some sources will really discuss their practices for sourcing, how they vet their suppliers, all that stuff. That's great.

But as a consumer asks those questions, don't just ask, is this an ethically sourced crystal? Because a lot of times the answer you'll get is just yes. in what ways is it ethically sourced? so this is really important to ask. And in a conversation that Nicholas Pearson and I had on my podcast in the past, he said, probably the most ethically sourced crystal you could get is the one that you walk out into your backyard and pick up off the ground.

You're not, in the process, destroying any of the plant life or animals. You're not. Contributing to soil erosion, anything like that, you know where it came from, you know how it was sourced, you know everything about it. when we're sourcing crystals, as ethically as possible. this is really important.

And that goes for the mining practice as well as the manufacturing practice. If it was cut, polished, wherever, what's happening with those workers? What's happening with the labor there, the safety conditions, the pay, the environmental impact of that, thinking about where they come from and how far they're shipped, right?

So there's a huge benefit to working with crystals from our local landscape, just as there is from eating locally. 

Cassie: Absolutely. I love what you said about sourcing crystals that are as ethical as possible. I feel like that's a really important distinction. And it's honestly one of the reasons why I stopped selling crystals because I grappled with it so much. Because it is so hard and even asking sometimes it's hard to get straight answers from people. And 

I found that My crystal collection is smaller, but the crystals that I do have or find, because I am a big proponent of letting them find me out in nature, that the relationships that I have with them are so much deeper and more meaningful, even though my collection is a little bit smaller. So there can really be, even though we might not have the biggest, sparkliest collection of crystals, it can still be really, healing and powerful and meaningful. 

Ashley: Absolutely. Some of my favorite stones are ones that I found when I was on, like a road trip with my mom or something like that, where the stone just comes to you.

And it's just like working with plants in that regard, asking permission before you take a stone, both of the stone itself of the land of the landscape. And of course. for legal reasons of the land owners, unfortunately, but that's something that we also need to consider. You can't just go to a state park and pick up a rock.

Cassie: Absolutely. thank you for putting all of that. I know that was a lot of research that you compiled into a really short snippet, because like I said, working with crystals as ethically as possible is such a huge topic. So thank you for bringing all that in into such bite sized pieces for us.

Those are very actionable things that I think a lot of people will appreciate being able to take away. 

Ashley: You're welcome. And I think the most important thing I want to leave people with on that is do your research, ask the questions when you're purchasing those crystals, and just have some awareness, think things through where things are coming from, and don't just take that ethical, ethically sourced label at face value.

Cassie: Absolutely. I agree. 

 Let's talk a little bit about, stones and crystals that Are supportive for grief work. and of course, grief work can run the gamut. grief shows up in our lives in all different ways, not in just the loss of a loved one. but I think, I know for me, I've definitely worked with crystals throughout my various grief journeys. And so I'd love to hear a little bit about your experience and any that you suggest or recommend folks work with. 

Ashley: Yeah, so there are definitely always a few that come to mind for me. One of the ones that I love is Spirit Quartz. Spirit Quartz is a beautiful variety of amethyst, often with some golden iron staining.

And it typically forms in small points or clusters where The main crystals are entirely covered on all their sides by little baby crystals. And then the large crystal termination of the main crystal pokes out of the top. and it's, I think one of the best all around stones for grief. if you've been experiencing grief of any type truly, and.

You can't quite put your finger on how it's affecting you, you just, are feeling it, maybe you can't even identify where it's coming from. Sometimes this is a really supportive stone for helping you work through that, explore some of those feelings, understand, More about the sources opening up your awareness that way, but it's also really good for helping you overcome some of the obstacles that present themselves when we're grieving, right?

Because, I think for all of us, we encounter different obstacles and that's not necessarily a bad thing, right? It's just Sometimes part of the process. And with this spirit courts, they have this really soft, gentle energy that just helps you feel really supported. and it meets you where you're at, no matter where that is.

And that's something that I really love about this stone. another stone that I love is pink opal. Pink opal has a really nurturing, supportive energy as well. And if I think of a crystal that's You know, when I work with it, it feels like it just giving me a hug and really calming down my body, helping me feel more at ease, more present.

Pink Opal is really good at doing that. I... Struggle with anxiety personally, and this is a stone that I've also found to be supportive in that journey for me, just holding it in my hands, breathing through things, allowing me to calm my mind, calm my nervous system a little bit, and I think A lot of times when we're grieving and having that sort of physical response, just a tactile, physical reminder to be present with whatever we're feeling emotionally, whatever we're feeling in our body, let it sort of roll through us, is really helpful, and for me, Pink Opal has been a great support that way.

I also really like lithium quartz, particularly when our grief is pushing us into states of anger. Which comes up. I think, it's not uncommon for us when we are grieving. Sometimes we let our emotions take over, right? And if you are just in one of those places of rage and you are feeling ready to erupt, I'm not in any way saying don't do that because sometimes that is so healing.

 Like that can be so healing. But, to help you just, Take that breath and calm back down after that sort of comes out how it needs to come out. Lithium quartz is really beautiful, and I think the last crystal that I would love to share is one that I had a big personal journey with when I lost my grandmother and that was rose quartz.

My whole years and years journey of working with crystals, I was never drawn to rose quartz. I thought it was kind of boring. I didn't understand why people liked it. It was run of the mill, like, okay, it's there, I get it, but I just didn't really feel it. But after I lost my grandma in 2018, she passed away, from complications with dementia.

I was really struggling, and I was struggling in so many ways, there's that initial sadness of losing a loved one. but more than that, I think the thing that I... Really felt in the weeks and months after her passing was this deep sense of loneliness. she and I spoke on the phone almost every single day and she was a huge part of my life.

Our relationship was so meaningful to me and suddenly there was just this whole, I never quite realized how listening to her tell me about what she. Made for her and my grandpa for lunch that day, and what prescriptions she went to fill, and, what was blooming in her backyard. I never realized that would leave quite such a big hole in my life when I couldn't just hear her tell me about her day.

Oh my gosh, sorry, I'm getting emotional. 

Cassie: Your emotions are welcome here. 

Ashley: Thank you. She was such a special part of my life and suddenly having that void was really challenging and I missed her so much more even than I thought I would. And all of a sudden, I was really drawn in by Rose Quartz. Anything that was Rose Quartz was just calling to me.

So I had a few pieces in my little crystal tool kit, and they just... Were speaking to me like, we are here for you. So I slept with those in my pillowcase and on my bedside table. I carried them around in my pocket or tucked into my bra. I just had them around me all the time. And I felt comforted.

I felt A tiny bit less lonely, of course, I still miss my grandma. I still do. I miss those conversations. I miss that time. But Rose Quartz was there for me in a way that I didn't really expect and I still can't even quite put my finger on what it was about that stone that was so powerful during that time and so healing, but I just felt held.

I just felt so held and so seen in my grief. And, it's a stone that after, maybe six months, eight months, I noticed I was less and less drawn to, and that was also okay. At first, I was a little nervous. I didn't understand why there was a change. I thought maybe I just, I, there was something with me.

I wasn't able to connect with it in the same way, and I started to realize, no, it was there for me when I really needed it, when I was in that really rough, raw place, and it got me through. And when I started healing and Figuring out how to be a little less lonely, it just wasn't needed in the same way.

And so I learned to let go of the stone and it was like a lesson in grieving all over again that, sometimes we transcend things in our lives too. But I knew that it would always sort of be there for me if I needed it. And unfortunately, last week, we lost one of our chickens, my dear Fanny.

And I turned to my rose quartz again for support because I was feeling, that loneliness of not seeing her out in the backyard with the other hens and just feeling very sad. And so even though it's been You know, five years now since I've last worked with my rose quartz really deeply, I knew that it would be there for me and it was.

Cassie: Thank you for sharing that tender story about your grandma. And I think it so beautifully illustrates how, when working with stones and crystals, this relational aspect of it, and how, if we're open and listening to, the tools that we connect with most, I don't even like to use, there's a better word than tools, but the beings that we connect with the most, that, We open ourselves up to ways of being supported and being held and for you that was that rose quartz and I think for a lot of other people it could be too but what I love about your story is it illustrates how one might find a crystal that maybe isn't listed in a book as a stone that's intended for grief and grief support but how to open yourself up to What beings, what energies are around you that want to support you through any specific grief journey that you're going through?

Because I think it does vary so much for each of us, and I love those suggestions that you offer too, especially Pink Opal. I've worked with Pink Opal before, and as you were describing it, I was just thinking, I need to... I need to get out my pink opal and just spend some time with it because it, I could sense that warm hug feeling.

 I really appreciate all of those offerings and your tender story about rose quartz. 

Ashley: Yeah, I think that exactly what you're saying is so important, Cassie, like feeling empowered to seek out those relationships for yourself is hugely important in this work. Like it doesn't have to come from a list on the internet.

It doesn't have to come from a book. It doesn't have to come from one of the suggestions I just made, but just really opening yourself up to. Yeah. Being aware of what sort of calling to you. One way I really like to do this when I'm feeling some kind of way, and I just need a little support, no matter what it is.

Maybe it's to work with a plant or flower and herb. Maybe it's to work with a crystal. I just find myself still in the present moment and see what sort of Comes to mind, right? I'll usually close my eyes, take a few deep breaths. I'm a fairly visual person. So for me, often something will come in my mind's eye.

Maybe it's a color. Maybe it's a shape. And I'll relate that with something that's around me. And so I'll seek out that plant or that stone or whatever it is. And then I'll pick a few options that sort of remind me of that energy as well, because sometimes if My intuition is not telling me this exact thing that I thought it was, but it's something that's like that.

So I'll put a few different options out, and then I'll usually place those on my altar. I'll make myself really comfortable. Again, close my eyes to get present in the moment. And when I open my eyes, I just see what captures my attention the most. What seems like it has that. Little bit of extra twinkle that little bit extra something that's really speaking to me.

And that's usually the thing that I'll go to. Sometimes it's two things, right? But that'll be the thing that I go to and I work with and, maybe that'll be keeping that on my altar in my ancestor corner. Maybe that will be carrying it with me. Maybe that'll be, wearing that as a piece of jewelry or something, but just having that energy.

Around me to support me when I need it is what's most important. And, finding the method of connecting with those things that works for you. In addition to Seeking out the specific energy like all of that is part of that process of working with these energies. 

Cassie: Absolutely. And I love you answered my next question already. I'm just going to add a little bit to it because I was going to ask you, how are some of the ways that we can work with crystals, when we're working through different phases and specifically grief. and you really spoke to that and I love how you spoke to it in a way that is again, I'm opening myself up to these different energies and allowing So them to guide me, which is something I've been doing a lot in my practice and we work, I know that you and I work in very similar ways.

 So what you described is very similar to how I work and something I've been doing lately specifically with plants, but it would work just as well with crystals is just letting them come to me. So I just, when I'm out for walks, I'm just very aware of what plants get my attention. and just open myself up to what, how would you like me to work with you instead of the reverse of, you know, so much of my spiritual practice has been me going to quartz and saying quartz. I need you for this. And I've done this role reversal of no, I've spent a lot of years asking and taking and now I want to open myself up and listen to what you have to say. And I think there's a lot of opportunity in that with crystals too, and especially with grief because I think As a society, we have such an aversion to talking about death and dying and grief as a part of that.

A lot of us don't really know how to tend to our grief. We're not taught how to tend to our grief. And I think crystals and plants, too, have a unique ability to hold us in our grief because they are more enmeshed in the natural cycles of the earth in ways that we've really, a lot of us have extracted ourselves from, which sort of leads me into my next question, which is something that I've noticed when I've worked with crystals and stones is I'm often reminded Of time and the perception of time and how trees and plants and especially crystals and stones have a very different perception of time and that translates into their perception of grief and loss too. And it's been very comforting for me to feel this energy from crystals of being like. Yes, there is grief here, but there are long periods of grief and we are still here. We are present. and I found a lot of peace in that. So I would love if you could speak to that at all. just this idea of perception of time and how it's so different for crystals and, how much we have to learn 

Ashley: yeah. that is one of the beautiful things about crystals and one of the really fascinating things about crystals. Geologic time is so much different than human time. A lot of the crystals that we work with and build relationship with, they can be millions of years old. Some are thousands of years old, some are millions of years old.

that is... Mind blowing to me and so think of all that they have seen and experienced and bared witness to, from their time of formation until present day, like they've been through so much. And I was actually thinking a little bit about this concept with. Everything that is happening with our environment right now, right?

We are seeing drastic unprecedented effects of climate change currently, and I've really been struggling, as I'm sure so many have with the heaviness of that and grieving for our planet. And it made me think what some of these stones. Must feel right now, like I feel like in a way that maybe they haven't experienced grief before they are probably grieving, holding space for the earth, holding space for the creatures of the earth, the plants, the animals and humanity, and I think that it's, I think that it's something that is so different that they are going through, probably at the same time that we are experiencing that.

That our grief is in a way collective and that we can find even deeper community in our grief with the land around us because of that, because I think maybe for one of the first times, probably the very minerals from the earth itself are feeling that same weight of grief, even in their perspective of geologic time, because things are so different, but it also gives me hope that like what you said, Cassie, Thank They have seen so much and they have been here for so long, that the perspective is a bit different.

And I think finding those points of commonality with the mineral kingdom, with the plant kingdom can be really supportive of us. One of the things that when my grandma passed away, one of the ways that I chose to work with that rose quartz is I just took it outside in the yard. no shoes, no socks, just put my feet on the earth and closed my eyes and held that stone over my heart and just felt the sun shining down on me and thought, where can I go to Again, be held.

And it was that asking of what do you want me to do? How do you want me to work with you that you were saying? I definitely was not conscious of that, but it was very much being open to being led. And I made my way over to this very old willow tree in my yard. It's got to be 150 years old, at least.

It's absolutely massive. And I sat under the willow tree holding this rose quartz over my heart. And it wasn't until later that I learned of the connection of willow trees with mourning. And I thought, well, how appropriate is that? but like you were saying, you know, there is this difference in perspective with minerals, which are so old or these very ancient beans and trees.

Which are a little younger than that, but still very much older than many of us. And then our own human timeline, but we can still find these points of connection. I think between those varying perspectives, of what it means to exist and what it means to be and of what it means to experience loss.

Cassie: Thank you, Ashley. That was beautiful and it's just got me thinking about just, relationships that we have with these, the mineral kingdom, the plant kingdom, and how, just how beautiful it is that, we're able to be held and hold, even though, as humans, we're learning how to hold, but we are, and I think that's the love that exists. From the plants, the trees and the crystals to continue to teach us how to be in right relationship with them is a real testament of love. and a real, just such a beautiful part of grief. That's something that, that really arises from being able to grieve deeply. 

Ashley: So beautiful. Yeah. It's just feeling very nourishing.

I'm grateful to be here with you and having this conversation. 

Cassie: Me too. Is there anything else that you would like to share that's on your heart about grief or crystals, before I ask you a closing question? 

Ashley: I think just leaving everyone with the idea that it really is about finding your own way and forging your own relationships and being respectful.

I think that's one of the most important things that we can do with any energies that we're working with, but, not being. confined, not being afraid that you're going to make a mistake. We'll all make mistakes and it, if you're working with the intention to be in right relationship, if you're keeping that in your awareness, I think for the most part you won't go wrong.

So allow yourself that opportunity to explore, to build relationships, to get to know your stones or your plants or the land that you walk on. and just. find joy in that process and find joy, even in your grief. I think sometimes it feels so heavy, that we question those moments of joy or we feel guilt over them.

And, just allow yourself to be held, allow yourself to feel loved and supported and nurtured by those energies around you. and allow yourself. Just a little rest, a little deep breath. 

Cassie: Thank you. and the last question I want to ask you just goes back to the name of the podcast, Rooting Into Wholeness.

And I would just love to hear a little bit about what brings you, what reminds you of that sense of your innate wholeness these days. ? 

Ashley: It's making art. It doesn't matter what the medium is, what the format is.

If I can be completely in that flow of creation, I feel so connected and aligned and so much like myself. Like people always talk about, being your authentic self and whatever that means. I really, truly feel most like myself when I'm deep in that process of creation. and I think part of it is because there is such a range of experience that can be present, right?

You can find joy, you can find grief, you can find frustration, you can find pleasure, you can find all of these things when you're in that act of creating something. And for me, I think that's the thing that is Nourishing my soul absolutely more than anything else and helping me feel completely whole.

Cassie: Oh, I needed to hear that. So thank you for sharing that. That is. Medicine that I need to get back in touch with, so I appreciate the reminder. and before we close, I'd love for you to share with folks just where they can find you, where they can connect with you. 

Ashley: Sure, I would love for everyone to head over to my website.

Love and light school. com. Feel free to check out tons of free resources there. There's blog posts, articles. You can find links to my podcast there, as well as learn more about classes and guided meditations over on insight timer, all that good stuff. You can also find me on Instagram at love and light school.

If you enjoy listening to the conversation, Cassie and I are having, I'd love to talk with you more. So send me a DM. Thank you. 

Cassie: All right. Thank you so much, Ashley, for coming on. What rich and nourishing conversations. I appreciate you. 

Ashley: Thank you so much for having me.

Joyful Surrender in the Season of Shedding

Every plant and tree that cycles through the seasons knows that at some point, it is time to return inward and be held by the Earth. They don’t fight it and continue pouring their energy into their fruit until they know it’s time to turn inward or die. They surrender fully to the season and even continue expressing themselves and growing. The land has been whispering that there’s much more to surrender and it doesn’t always mean giving up. Surrendering can be joyful, even pleasurable. 

Fall is a season of contractions helping us descend into Winter. Similar contractions are present during Spring. However, the essence and energy of each contraction phase differ significantly. In the Springtime, the season of the Maiden and the curious air element brings contractions to push us up and out from the underworld into the first blooms of the season. It’s an expansive and seductive time that is the portal that pushes us out through the underworld. 

On the opposite side of the seasonal wheel, we have the Autumn Equinox, another season of contraction that pulls us down and into Winter, back into ourselves and the underworld. It is a season of surrender and shedding. Yet, it is also full of pleasure and fullness. It’s simply a different flavor than the Spring Equinox, and why wouldn’t it be? There’s a distinct difference between rising versus descending into the underworld. Both are sacred and needed. 

Listen to this post on my podcast here.

As I’ve sat with and observed the guardian Hawthorne tree that lives outside of my home over the seasons, I’ve watched her push her blooms outward in Spring and am now slowly watching her berries redden and ripen as the weather cools. Her energy in this season is still one of expansion, but it is different. It is not the “look at me” energy of the maiden with her seductive flowers. The energy I receive from Hawthorn this season is “look at all that I can hold” and “look at how much love I can give.” Her round berries mimic the fullness of this season, the fullness of immense holding, giving, and joyful surrender. 

The Hawthorn tree outside my home is not the only place I’ve seen and felt this energy. I can see it in the ripening apples, the browning grain, and the plants drooping closer to the earth below them. The easiest way to drift into the underworld is to surrender to it. In a society that, by and large, avoids the underworld and is generally death-phobic, consciously surrendering to seasons of slowness or stagnation might feel strange and difficult. It certainly has for me and continues to be a place of careful awareness. As usual, the earth, which you and I are a part of, offers constant examples of how we might do this from seasons, the moon, and our plant and animal kin. 

In this share, we’ll dance with the theme of surrender and ways to find more joy in it. I’ll share reflections on the water element and a simple practice to connect with water and the theme of surrender. I’ll also discuss the importance of struggle regarding surrender and a simple plant infusion to help you ease into the season.

Some seasons can feel more present than others if you are spiraling through a similar personal season. This season, as a mid-life mother with small children and a caretaker, feels P-otent. If you find yourself in a position of frequent caregiving, whether that be for your children, elders, or community, you might, too. It is helpful to name how seasonal shifts affect us differently depending on your current phase. Of course, part of this is being able to name and be with the phase you’re in. I’d like to offer you a moment to pause to think about what season your life seems to be spiraling through in this transitional time. Are you in a phase of discovery and exploration, radiance and expansion, giving and caretaking, surrender, and reflection, or somewhere else? Understanding where you’re in your sacred cycle might help you better understand and relate to the transformations happening in the land and seasons. Of course, there are always cycles within cycles, above and below, within and without. All is connected, so I trust you’ll find some meaning and medicine in this share, even if it doesn’t align with your season. 

Let’s begin our dance with surrender by exploring the element commonly associated with this season: water. 

Lessons from water on surrender

Water is the element that many associate with the cardinal direction West and the season of Autumn. Early in my practice, I didn’t understand the connection between Autumn and the element of water. Autumn reminded me of leaves drying and dying. It seemed like the opposite of life-giving water. Over several years of working closely with water and themes of death, I have a more holistic understanding of water. Water is a life-giver, but water also asks us to be in flow with and surrender to change, including changes we might not always desire. Water reminds me that I do not need to love the changes themselves, but I can learn how to love myself in them. Water can be gentle, forceful, and everything in between. While walking in Autumn and water, you can surrender to her lessons by choice, or they can be forced on you. 

As much as we humans like to think we have complete control over our lives, we don’t, and water can be a potent reminder of this lesson. Water can and has swallowed us up in a moment with floods and sudden downpours. It is a reminder that the feminine creative forces are not always soft and gentle. They can and need to be forceful at times. Surrendering to where and how water chooses to flow requires deep trust. 

Joyful surrender offers a portal into being present and at peace with the unknown. I see the element of water as a wise teacher in this realm. 

There’s an easefulness that lives in surrender. It can be found in the waning moon, flowing water, an exhale, and the transition from Summer to Fall. Life is change. But, like the moon, who changes every night, she is still the moon at her core. You, too, will embark on endless transformations throughout your life but will remain you at your core. How would you move about the world if you surrendered to the unknowns and constant changes, both within and outside of you, knowing that you will remain you in the end? 

Of course, some of this is a personal belief and may not resonate because I believe in reincarnation and the soul. Like the moon, who dies each month, or the water, who cycles through different states of being, I trust that my essence will remain intact and carry on in some capacity. 

So how can we be more like water and surrender to our own cycles and others? It’s much easier to find the joy in any cycle when we surrender. Be with, watch, listen, feel, and commune with water. Here’s a simple practice I like to do in collaboration with water. 

Surrendering with water practice

I like to lean into this practice and the element of water when I struggle with surrendering to something and want assistance. You can practice this at home or a nearby creek or stream. I love doing this near flowing water, but if that is not accessible, visualizing or thinking about water works just as well. 

1. Open your practice in a way that you are comfortable with. For me, this looks like greeting, thanking the four elements and directions, and connecting with the earth. 

2. If it’s available and makes sense in your practice, orient yourself to the West, the home of the water element, and ask the water if you can bring your struggle to it for help. 

3. How you engage with water now will be unique to you. I like to imagine the water gently flowing through my body, including my struggle. If you are near flowing water, the sound or feel of the water can be helpful if it’s accessible to listen or touch the water. If you are not near water, you can visualize the water flowing around you, imagine how it would feel, or even dictate to yourself what it would be like. 

4. Imagine the water gently softening and soothing your struggle. You may notice the water slowly start pulling parts of it away, parts of your struggle that it’s time for you to release. You might become aware of how it feels to let go of aspects of your struggle and notice other sensations or knowings under the struggle. 

5. Stay with the water for as long as you’d like. When you feel complete in this practice, thank the water and consider giving an offering to the water. You might also want to write down anything that surfaced during your experience with water. 

All this said, joyful surrender is not always easy for me and might not be for you. I still struggle often. But I’ve learned to accept the struggle as part of the surrender process. I also think it has a lot of wisdom to offer. 

The Medicine in the Struggle

The relationship between struggle and surrender is, I believe, much of the medicine this season has to offer. I find the struggle is what gets me to a state of surrender. Sometimes, I have long periods of struggle. Sometimes, they’re short. I see struggle often in deathwork for the dying and their loved ones. There’s often a denial of impending death, but there will come a moment when that denial no longer serves. The time one sits in the struggle will be different for all, but it has value. 

Struggle can be found in the dance of fire and can illuminate what needs or wants to be tended. In the struggle, you can see what’s most important. The struggle is necessary. I do not share these reflections on joyful surrender to imply that it is better than being in the struggle. Being in the struggle is hard. But the struggle also has the power to illuminate. I don’t see the struggle as the problem, but it’s often our lack of resources to be with the struggle that prevents us from being with it. There’s nuance here, too. We all have different relationships and experiences with struggle. My prayer for myself, for you, and all of us is that we can have the presence to know when it’s time to stop being in the struggle and step into surrender, maybe even joyful surrender. Whether that surrender looks like asking for help, walking away from someone, acceptance, or something else will be unique. 

One of my favorite writers and speakers is Dr. Bayo Akomolafe, who often speaks of “fugitive spaces.” If you haven’t listened to Dr. Akomolafe, I highly recommend it and will link some of my favorite podcasts in the show notes. He’s featured on the For the Wild podcast and SAND often. I find his words and ideas to be a healing salve in these times. He speaks to “fugitive spaces” here and says, “We need trickster approaches, we need ways of dancing away, or dancing to, fugitive spaces; dancing to sanctuaries where we can shape-shift. Grieving, mourning, even allowing ourselves to partake in pleasurable activities in the face of the storm.” I feel these fugitive spaces are areas of play that do not insist on knowing or constantly striving for all the answers and instead offer a space to marinate in the mystery. When I think of fugitive spaces concerning climate change, I think of having conversations outside of how to curb climate collapse and instead focusing on how we might learn to love each other in climate collapse. I find this requires a great deal of surrender and often think of “fugitive spaces” when I think of joyful surrender and how surrendering can yield new possibilities found only in unknown spaces. 

In my day-to-day life, I don’t experience the idea of seeking fugitive spaces to disavow being in right relationship with the earth. Instead, I see it as an opportunity to shift my energy around the topic and my actions. For example, I am involved in local politics and often spend time canvassing for local candidates. I used to do this sort of work with a lot of anger. I’d be so mad that more people weren’t helping. I still do sometimes. More often now, I find myself looking for surrender in my political involvement. I still canvass, but I try to surrender to the parts of it that I love, like community building with like-minded people. I also don’t beat myself up if I can’t help as much as I’d like to. Perhaps there will be a tipping point when more and more of us will release the struggle of trying to force politicians, oil companies, and other people to care about this earth and, instead, lean into ways to love within it. That is the energy I am attempting to bring to my life, which is still a struggle sometimes. I still get angry and spin my wheels, thinking of ways to convince people to care about this earth and continue to change my own habits. But, more and more, I observe and ask questions like, “What or who am I truly struggling against right now?” “Is what or who I’m struggling with of my own making or out of my control?” “If it is out of my control, how might surrendering to it look and feel?” “Can I find any threads of ease or joy within what I’m struggling against?”

There’s medicine in our ability to surrender to the struggles of this current time. When we do, we can get a glimpse of what’s underneath them and perhaps even find new and beautiful solutions, love, and joy.

The joy available in surrender

There is beauty, magic, and deep wisdom in surrender. Surrender lives in the realm of the deeply rooted Wise Woman and the Crone, who trusts that there’s life and even beauty beyond the struggle. Surrendering isn’t giving up or accepting abuse. It’s choosing to sink deeper into the struggle to find the threads of love and creativity within it. It’s easier said than done. At least, it has been for me. I don’t have it figured out. I still get caught up in the questioning, fear, and anger. Sometimes, I overstay my welcome sitting in the struggle. Surrendering also doesn’t mean that everything I surrender to immediately feels amazing. Sometimes it doesn’t. Joyful surrender may not be the answer to the suffering of this world, but I see it as a powerful place to explore finding joy in the mess of life.

Plant allies for the season of surrender

Wherever you are in the world, plants are growing nearby to assist in this seasonal shift, whether you are experiencing Autumn or Spring in the Southern Hemisphere. The magic of our plant kin is that they are so deeply connected to the pulse of Mother Earth that they know what is needed in each season for all to thrive. Here in the Midwest of Turtle Island, Goldenrod and Aster are prevalent and serve as physical and energetic supports for our descent into fall. I invite you to notice which plants are appearing in your local environment and, if it feels aligned, to engage with them. 

I love making infusions, what some might think of as tea, with the plants and flowers. An infusion is simply soaking plant material in hot water for a certain amount of time, sometimes 30-minutes, or as long as overnight. After pouring boiling water over the plants I’m working with, I like to allow my infusions to rest in the sunlight or moonlight depending on the energy the plants ask for or I am desiring. I was inspired to make a fall infusion with seasonal plants in my area from Dr. Jacqui of Xálish Medicine and recommend visiting this post she shared on Instagram all about it. 

As always, before creating an infusion with any plant, ensure that they are safe to consume and that they are not contraindicated for you by confirming with your healthcare provider. If you have goldenrod and aster in your area, they are generally considered safe to consume, however, always be sure to make sure they are safe for you specifically. I also recommend harvesting by asking consent before taking and leaving offerings. I like to keep a flower essence with me while I’m out to give as an offering. 

I created my infusion with a combination of foraged and garden-grown Goldenrod, Aster, Chokeberry, Hawthorn berry, Boneset, Sage, and Yarrow. It was delicious and felt like such a potent way to ease my body, physically and energetically, into the season. You could easily create an infusion of just Astser and Goldenrod for a simple fall infusion. 

As the flowers wilt and brown and as leaves shift colors in preparation for winter, I can’t help but notice the joyful surrender in the landscapes around me. I see it in the ripening fullness of the berries on the Hawthorn tree, the lavender plants in my yard stretching their flowers out further and further to catch the sinking sun, and busy squirrels and chipmunks readying their winter harvests. As I reflect upon these changes, I remember that I, too, am part of these cycles. I do not need to know the course of what will be for me, my family, or the rest of us to continue to show up in fullness. Or, perhaps, if I slow myself enough, like the earth, I will feel its pulse and know that all will always be well. I can joyfully follow the rhythms of the earth’s cycles both within and outside. I can serve where I feel called, even when I don’t know how it will look, trusting that if I surrender to my season, I will be guided. I hope within these reflections, you’ve found any permission you may have needed to surrender to your current season and maybe even find the joy in it. 

Sacred Links Between Grief & Pleasure with Kalah Hill

Hello, dear ones. I’m coming to you with the first guest podcast in a new series all about grief and grief tending and what it can look and feel like when we apply a spiritual lens.

This four-part series will explore grief tending through pleasure, astrology, plant magic, and working with crystals. One of the many gifts I’ve received from my work with grief and death is learning how much wisdom and healing can be found in walking with my grief more intentionally. I’ve learned that grief is not an isolated emotion to be relegated to the loss of a beloved. Grief is ever present and has so much to teach us. As my work shifts deeper into rites of passage around death and reclaiming magical practices I’ve been severed from, I continue to learn more and more from my ability to be with and tend to my grief and how connected grief is to so many other topics, like pleasure, ancestral work, and reclaiming a personal magical practice. 

This first episode with Kalah Hill is so, so rich. I embarked on the Maiden to Mother Teacher Training hosted by Sarah Durham Wilson and many others over the last year, and Kalah was one of the facilitators during the training. When I say this training rocked my world, it’s truly an understatement. It’s also the inspiration for my upcoming retreat I mention in this episode. But for today, I want to focus on the work I experienced with Kalah and how it opened my eyes to the deep connections between grief and pleasure. 

Freedom Doula and Pleasure activist Kalah Hill is the founder of In Pleasure We Trust. Through her many years as a student of trust, Kalah regenerates space with her clients with care and sweet rootedness. Kalah evokes permission for sovereignty within the landscape of our social interdependency. In her work, Kalah unravels the illusions of systemic oppression that create communities of conformity and insatiability. Kalah’s loving practice reveals the human capacity to be in equanimity, trust, and deep satisfaction. Her healing balm of pleasure is how she creates a bridge of solidarity in crossing the threshold into liberation. Kalah’s experience and facilitation is multidisciplinary, ranging from biological and ecosystem-based sciences, somatic coaching, social justice, maiden to mother lineage, and doula work. 

Here’s our chat. Click below to listen, or scroll to read.

The text below is a transcript of our recorded conversation. Grammatical and spelling errors may be present.

Cassie: hello, welcome, Kayla. I’m so happy to have you here and to chat about Pleasure and grief and all the juiciness that comes with those topics. So welcome. 

Kalah: Thank you. Cassie. It’s so nice to be here. I’m really excited. 

Cassie: Me too. before we dive into those juicy topics, I would love to hear a little bit about. The land that you’re on and maybe what that land is sharing with you today or how it’s showing up, which is a practice that I learned from Dr. Rocio Rosales Mesa that I just really love and think it’s such a beautiful way to start a space. So I’d love to hear a little bit about that from you. 

Kalah: Gorgeous.

Yeah, I’m on, the, occupied stolen territory of Guamares, the Guamares people, and I guess today known as San Miguel de Allende in Mexico. and this land has been teaching me a lot, actually. That’s such a good question. I’ve been based in Costa Rica for the last six years, in, Chorotega territory.

And I recently came out of the jungles and into the desert, mountainous, regions and it’s a completely different landscape than what I’ve been accustomed to and what I’ve been working with and I really work closely in partnership with the land. I do a lot of different ritual,and just honoring and grounding and nourishment and giving back.

And so giving back to. This land has been so clear to me that it’s time for me to transition fully out of the jungle, and I’ve been shown a lot of beauty in that transition thus far, and I’m just listening right now. I’m very new to this land. I’ve only been here for three months, so I’m, paying my dues, so to say.

and still cultivating a bond and a connection. 

Cassie: Beautiful, thank you. I didn’t realize that you had just moved, so recently. I didn’t realize I had, I’ve changed, I’ve recently came from the desert to the Midwest, so I have a reversal of lands that I’m getting to know, so I know that, that place well.

Kalah: Yeah, it’s quite potent. There’s A lot of good workings here for me, and I’m very grateful that I’m so attuned to my orientation, my, my earthly orientation. I’m very clairsentient. So wherever my body is. really matters. The environment matters. And I’m just grateful that I have such clarity around movement and where I need to be at any given moment.

So yeah, it’s beautiful. 

Cassie: I’ll pay, honor to the place that I’m on to, which I’m on, occupied Miami or Miami land, which is in so called Indiana in the States. And. I am really loving the way the land is showing up and appearing today because we’re deep in the waning moon might be in the dark moon and I’m on my moon cycle and it is overcast and cloudy and rainy outside, which feels so nourishing and like what the earth needs and what I need.

So it’s feeling, very well aligned within my body and out in the land. as far as your work, I would love to hear a little bit about what brought you to your work and maybe a little bit about your lineage and that could be ancestral lineage to what brought you to your work or just teacher lineage, whatever speaks to you and resonates and wants to come out.

but just a little bit of your journey and process to coming to the work that you do now.

Kalah: Well, I guess it always begins with the mother, right?

Um, yeah, well, I was born to Deborah, a beautiful woman. I call her a white witch. My white witch mother, descendant from, English and German blood and a wild woman, a mystic and single mom. And, I just learned, I learned a lot from my mother in terms of the capacities that I have with magic and mystery and Otherworldly ventures There was a lot of access to exploration and curiosity. I was given full permission for those things really raised, to enjoy life really raised to, be in pleasure, whether it was in my body or whether it was with food or with imagination or fantasy, those things were very much fostered. The pieces that I’ve had to pick up along the way involve my mother’s inability to be fully actualized in the 3D practical world.

And that was really challenging for her and for us. Growing up from me growing up, it was,very unstable kind of material financial situations. And so I now am in this place of creating context and bringing the dream into reality and really creating heaven on earth because I know heaven to be so true.

because of these like early on gifts of access to pleasure and enjoyment. And I remember, and I’m going to get just real honest. I remember, I started self pleasuring when I was four years old and my mother had caught me. I was in the back of the car. I was in the car exploring, It was, open.

And my mother said, asked me what I was doing. And I told her, oh, I found this thing. Oh, it’s so pleasurable. And she was incredibly supportive. She said, oh, that’s called masturbation. It’s really great for you. And. But you do it in the privacy of your bedroom, right? Because I was about to go public. And I think because of that fostering, and that, literal, no shame, no judgment around me accessing this pleasure in my body from the age of four to literally today, age 38, I just have decades of practice when it comes to, Harnessing and accessing my pleasure and enjoying myself and there’s that bleeds out into everything, right?

Like it’s not just a masturbation practice any longer. It’s like a life form of its own that really has sprung from that initial, that initial, finding inside of myself. so I’ve had a lot of amazing cultivation, as well as, my father’s side, my father’s lineage, my father is African American, black man in the United States from Harlem, and I just love to seep in black feminist literature, I love the lineage of pleasure that is the thread line of so much of.

That work, when we talk about Audre Lorde, Bell Hooks, Maya, Angelo, Nikki Giovanni, all of these brilliant black feminist writers who really saw pleasure as a critical piece of the liberation movement and the movement towards. Justice and activism work, and it’s, adrian maree brown, who just published Pleasure Activism a few years ago, really brought that collection of work together in one great piece of work, and I love that book.

It’s It’s like my Bible and because I didn’t grow up with my father and I now have a relationship with him going on about 14 plus years now. I’ve known my father and it’s been really great to actualize those components of my lineage as well. And so I definitely spring from that. And in terms of teachers, I think you and I are familiar.

We have the same teacher, Sarah. Sarah of Magdalene and she’s really supported me in the mother wound work and working with my white witch and my white witch mother, who is brilliant but also very much, indoctrinated by the patriarchy and really exiled in many ways. and it’s been so reparative to work with Sarah.

I also have a really great embodiment, embodiment dance teacher, Amber Ryan. She comes from the Five Rhythms lineage. She studied with Gabrielle Raw and, my somatics, coaching teacher. So my best friend. Who I grew up with, actually. Her name is Dana Regan, and she’s the founder of the Somatic Soul Coaching School, which I am now on faculty for as well, and also certified as a Somatic Soul Coach.

So we’ve done a lot of embodiment work with various teachers and really beloved women in my life. It’s been a great healing journey.

Cassie: I really enjoyed hearing more about your story because yes, as Kayla mentions, the way that I found, I got to know her was through, Sarah Durham Wilson, mother to maiden teacher training.

The third cohort of it that has almost come to an end. but it has just been a beautiful transformative supportive, training. One that I am just internally grateful to have been a part of and to meet so many amazing women like Kayla. and so many things are coming up. For me, just about what you shared about your lineage and your ancestry, one thing, you know, I love that you shared so honestly about self pleasuring at a young age, because I think it ties in so beautifully to pleasure and grief.

And I also have a similar story, and it’s one that’s Burned into my memory and not in a bad way, but you talking about it is just bringing up a lot of curiosity around this memory that I have. I was, I had a similar experience where I was self pleasuring. I was probably four, maybe five. And I was, it was just in the living room, like in front of the TV, just laying on the floor.

And I remember my mom just being like, what’s she doing over there? And she wasn’t. It wasn’t there wasn’t any judgment or shaming associated with it, which I’m very grateful for. But then when I think about that same kind of. Self pleasuring as a adolescent, I can sense all the shame attached to it. And I’m like, when did that happen?

How did that happen? and I feel like a big part of the teacher training, the mother to maiden teacher training has been me really rediscovering and reclaiming that pleasure in a very personal, liberatory way. 

but yeah, I would love to just hear you share more about, any musings or insights you’ve noticed in that relation between grief and pleasure and specifically self pleasure and those shifts that happen from that young age of just innately knowing that we have this ability to bring such pleasure to ourselves.

And then those shifts that happen that so many of us come into feeling shame around pleasure, which then turns to grief at a lot of times. Yeah. 

Kalah: Yeah. Yeah. Well, I want to say, yeah. Yeah. It’s almost like, welcome to planet Earth, where you will be, under threat of shame, guilt. It’s a consequence of our, of our current state of affairs and of a long history of, repression and oppression and systems that, that really are no longer sustaining, sustaining us.

And it’s so curious to me because I find this to be true for every single human is that there’s this original innocence. Where think of it’s as a young girl, just like self pleasuring in public or just in broad daylight, not even thinking twice about it. Oh, yeah, this feels good.

I’m going to do it. And. That’s what I’m trying to get back to, and not that I’m trying to masturbate in public. That I’m trying to get back to that sense of full permission and choice over my own body. Which, as most of us know, if any of us are not living inside a cave, that, women’s bodies… have been under threat for millennia for thousands and thousands of years.

Our bodies have been under threat and access to agency over our own bodies is at threat and alive and well today, especially with the Supreme Court ruling overturning of Roe versus Wade, right? All of these things have come now. There’s so much shadow work, I think, available to us, and this is where I find that when someone really accesses or remembers their pleasure for the first time in maybe, let’s say, 25 years.

There are calcifications that have formed inside of our nervous systems, inside of our bodies, that as we chisel away at those calcifications and break them open by liberating our pleasure, we’re reminded of the great grievance. That is also there in the way of we’ve kept ourselves from ourselves for far too long, and there’s something to mourn about that.

And so the way that I practice and the way that I work with clients is that I work really slowly at like piece by piece, chisel by chisel. Removing these calcifications to open to the softening of what is truly and inherently, our birthright, essentially, to be a soft human, to be safe enough, to be upheld to be, actualized, in the truth of our pleasure.

that is a process in and of itself of unraveling usually decades of shame and fear and guilt and oppression and violence and abuse and, the list goes on of what we’re unraveling. But in that unraveling, there’s a deep cathartic release that tends to happen. And typically it’s in the form of a grievance in the form of tears.

maybe there’s anger, right? we start to go through all of these stages of grief when we open to our pleasure and that’s what I see time and time again. 

Cassie: Yeah. Yeah. And that’s what inspired me to reach out to you for this was, during the teacher training, I had the pleasure of getting to be led by Kayla to, to embark on some pleasure work and what stood out to me and these were in groups.

So it was a non sexual pleasure, that we were cultivating and building and. I think that’s also such a, it’s just such a big part that, I was lacking for my personal practice. And I think something else that came up was, either in the reading, but I think it’s come up in some of the training too.

It’s just the. Pleasure that can be inherent and just in, in female relationships and friendships, that’s non sexual. And that is something that I did not even realize how much grief I had. Around that topic of all of the years of, Oh, there can be pleasure. There can be sensuality in these relationships that are not relationships with, an sexual partner, but there can still be that sensuality and pleasure there and reclaiming that.

And the grief. Oh my gosh. That is where I felt a lot of grief is around those untapped relationships where it was like a veil was lifted. Oh, I can have pleasure and sensuality in these relationships to sign me up. how do I return to that? I would love to hear you share just about, I don’t know how that’s shown up in your work or ways to cultivate that because I have found it to be a little bit.

Trickier, I would love to hear anything that’s coming up for you around that. 

Kalah: Yeah, there’s a deep need, I think, and a deep calling inside of the culture and inside of our individual bodies for touch.

And for somatic residency with one another, and there’s a couple things that came to mind. one is that we’re essentially like primates, right? We’re essentially primates, and I think that in our biology, we are wired to basically like, groom and cuddle each other. there’s something like, if you see chimpanzees or bonobos,they really, they’re always in the herd.

They’re always like grooming each other, sifting through their hair, and there’s this, real biological, mechanism that is hardwired for touch. So there’s that piece. And then I also sense another thing going on, maybe a little bit deeper around, not deeper, but just different context of we don’t need to be speaking as much it’s not so much about what we’re saying.

It’s more about how we are co regulating things. With each other by actualizing contact with each other. And, I remember reading a book by Parker J. Palmer called Let Your Life Speak. And he went through a series of really deep depressions, clinical grade depressions, and he was pretty much bedridden for months.

And, He said that the least helpful people during that time were the people who would come over and say, Oh, Parker, why don’t you get up and take a walk? Or let’s go out in the sunshine and get some fresh air. Or how about what have you eaten today? Let’s eat something together. It was like a lot of let’s get up and out of this.

And he said the most helpful person was this man, a fellow platonic male friend who would come over and he wouldn’t say anything. He would come over, he would walk in, and he would just rub his feet and he would do, give him a foot massage, Three times a week or something. And he said that was the most impactful experience during his deep depression because he felt finally that he could just be and he felt deep connection to the person that he was with.

Whereas these other people who were trying to like fix the problem and find a solution. Really, he felt completely disconnected from them. And so I do feel that touches radical and radically healing, and it’s part of, now post coven really becoming a part of my. private practice with individuals and laying of hands on what it is to even just braid each other’s hair or,take a bath together.

I do a lot of ritual bath work. And yeah, we hyper sexualize all of this. And I think it’s been hyper sexualized as like a colonial tactic to divide and conquer us from each other. Because, I can’t, have sexual relations with all of these people. I don’t want to, so I guess I can’t actually touch them.

I guess I can’t actually get into a bath with them and, play with each other’s hair, there’s all of these things that have been removed from our innate, biological needs. as a species and now it’s, it’s like we’re well enough, I think, and safe enough, at least I am. And so I take that privilege and I use it wisely to, to reestablish these connections and to practice touch as often as I can.

Obviously in consensual ways, right? It’s all in agreement. and it’s all a choice. And that’s the piece that is so liberating and wildly free. It just, it’s so nourishing to the soul. And even, even self touch right the work that we did. And in the maiden to mother journey with that one pleasure call, it’s like rose brushing.

it’s looking, it’s mirror work. it’s, how are you touching your own body is also like a really great indicator of, where you’re at in terms of opening to and responding to these inherent pleasure, wirings and codes that lie inside our nervous systems that are really wired for success.

Like they will bring a lot of, let’s say satisfaction to one’s experience. and whether that satisfaction feels good or feels bad is also not a thing, right? Because sometimes what I’ve noticed with touch is that it unlocks. Tapestries inside of my own body that actually don’t feel great. I feel really sad when they are unlocked and I’m able to go into that morning and I’m able to go into that pain a lot easier when I have appropriate touch in my life.

Cassie: I love how you phrase that. It really helped me make a little switch in my head because I’ve, like I said, one of the reasons I wanted to talk about this with you is because I see this inherent connection between pleasure and grief. And I was thinking of it, in one way, touching into the pleasure brings up the grief, but it’s also what can bring healing to the grief.

It’s what enables us to be with it. So it’s like a both and, all encompassing sort of situation and yeah, I’ve, it’s Become a more regular part of my practice. I would say since the maiden to mother journey movement, pleasure embodiment, like all of those things have just become like daily parts of my practice and ways that it wasn’t because I’m like, Oh, I like, I need this.

I have to have this in order to continue, the direction that I would like to go in. if I want to be in the grief, I have to have the pleasure to. 

Kalah: Yes. And see how that’s like a reclamation of agency right there, which is like a critical pillar for freedom. Yeah. Yeah. It’s there’s so many layers and it’s so multidimensional, but it really, it’s almost like there’s this inherent genius that lives inside of our bodies.

And if we just shut up for two seconds. We just stopped talking, then this genius is allowed to arise and what happens then is, really what I think most freedom fighters have been fighting for a very long time and screaming Hey, listen, if you follow this thread line, I promise.

I promise that you will make it through. so it’s time, I think, to also just start listening to these people. I think, it’s time to start listening to Indigenous people, Black queer folks,it’s just time.

Fast. Listening to that and also listening to the genius of your body. Yeah. 

Cassie: Yeah, definitely. I would love to hear, just any offerings that you might have for titrating into this, because I know one thing that I noticed as somebody who did not have a really prominent pleasure practice. That it does require some titration, like there needs to be,because like you said, there are so many layers, it’s so connected to grief.

So what are some ways to slowly move into that and bring it to the forefront and one’s practice. 

Kalah: Yeah, yes, this is so important. So I am like, trauma informed. I’m not a trauma specialist, but I’m a trauma informed coach. And what that means to me is that I understand, the workings of trauma and how it exists in the body.

And When we are healing trauma, the word titration is thrown around a lot and it’s so critical and it basically means that there’s this slow drip over time of discharging that trauma out of the body. So releasing the trauma, actually, it doesn’t happen in one moment, one big cataclysmic moment, because if it did, it would retraumatize the nervous system and put us back to where we started.

And so we titrate. The same goes for intake. So when we are, let’s say, intaking,we need hydration and we’re hooked up to an IV. That hydration, that water and those, all those you know, nutrients are coming out, but they’re dripping and they’re going very slowly. That’s why it takes an hour up to an hour to rehydrate the body, right?

Because it takes, that slow titrated, experience for the body to actually uptake the hydration. So it’s the same with the pleasure. You can’t just, bombard yourself with, let’s say, I don’t know, you don’t have a pleasure practice at all, and then you just, go to some sort of, huge orgy or something, off the bat, you know, like, this is what I’m going to do, it could be not safe.

so I recommend, really enjoying the slowness. It’s like I see honey, like I get a visual of honey dripping from the comb and like how slowly and how delicious that is. Like my mouth is watering just thinking about that image. And so there’s so many different practices. I’ll name a few.

One is really working with the element of water. And so to me, water is pleasure central. I don’t know. There’s just so much about water. it holds and stores memory. we’re like 70% water. there’s a lot of it. With water and frequency and working with that element that I just love.

I also love how versatile water is. It can be a solid, a liquid and a gas. it’s incredible element. So bathing is like a big practice of mine. I know not everyone has access to a bathtub, so it’s not necessarily that you need to have access to a bathtub. But if you do, I highly recommend bathing.

But it’s more about the ritual around water. So whether it’s bathing, showering, walking to a body of water, whether that body of water is a lake, a stream, an ocean, a fountain in the middle of a city, right? Really finding water. access. It could also even just be a glass of water and you’re going to intentionally be with the water.

So in whatever way that means to you, whether that’s getting into the water, whether that’s getting around water, whether that’s ingesting water, you’re going to intentionally be with the water and you’re going to be with the water for as long as you want. So this is also what’s great about pleasure practice is that this is about what you want.

This is about what you need. So if you need five minutes, great. If you need five hours, great. And I recommend really aiming for what it is that you need. Now, it might take several months to get to a five hour intentional practice with water, right? what does that even entail? But what if we got curious with our own selves?

And this is where the original innocence comes in, because if we think about children, they’re not questioning Oh my God, do I have enough time? Or what am I going to do? Am I going to get bored? Oh, this might not work for me. They literally just go straight in to the practice of play. boom, no, no thoughts, no questions or nothing.

They are just ready. So we all have that. Become from that. We were all Children at one point in our lives and regardless of our upbringing and our household circumstances, because I definitely lived in one that was quite chaotic and tumultuous as well. So I understand that as well. I do know that the more work I do and remembering him.

That child like piece, I can find her and she is very alive and she is very well and she is very much ready to play and very much ready to explore. And so this is where I invite you to get crafty and creative and. Enjoy your time. You can put different things like in the water. Like I do a lot of ritual with just like putting stuff in the water, like flowers or crystals or oils or really anything.

Or if I’m walking along a stream and I find different rocks or I’m on the beach and I find different shells, I’ll go to the water and return those to the water. a lot of my practices are sparked by spontaneity and in intuition. And so like in the moment, it’s what am I intuitively craving? What am I intuitively wanting or desiring?

And can I actualize that for myself? It might be like, oh, I’m like. Walking down the beach and I like intuitively want to go and just immerse myself in the water. Okay, I’m gonna go do that. Or maybe I don’t want to go in the water that day and I want to sit on the edge and I want to just listen to the water.

Okay, I’m gonna do that. What do I hear from the water? All of this is ritual, and all of it is true, especially when it’s integrous to you. So that’s what I invite people to, is like their own innate knowing. I know, I like to give a little bit of structure and give people examples, but at the same time, it’s like we get to co create this.

I’m not, I don’t have the magic key. I’m human here with you. Exploring and figuring things out as I go, and I just invite all of us to have that courage to really trust ourselves again.

Cassie: Yes, I love that. You brought it back to the, honoring our inherent wisdom around pleasure. And that’s certainly what I’ve noticed. and especially with the slowness, what I’ve been finding for me is that The pleasure lives in the slowness and that when I can be in when I can pace myself on that way, the pleasure, the intuitions around experiencing sensory pleasure come in almost automatically, I’ll catch myself just walking outside and, just.

Bask in the sunlight and feel the sun on my skin and hear the sounds of the birds and just melt into the pleasure of it. And it’s like without the slowness, I can’t find that. So it’s been, for me, it’s been really pleasurable and just exciting and playful to have those moments just come in without forcing.

It’s just because my pace has slowed down. and you’re speaking my language with the elements. I love working with the elements. And water is, It’s such a fun one to work with. Yeah. 

Kalah: And fire can be great, like sunbathing, tending to a fire, lighting a candle, getting into a sauna, getting a hot water bottle, putting it at your feet, and like on a cold day.

There’s so many aspects of, Engagement, and it’s really it’s very sensorial. So it’s coming back to the body. And so really anything that’s going to activate the senses and be a pleasure practice. It’s that’s the thread line is that we’re awakening to sensation. and in that, I think we are awakening to our lives and that’s where we get to.

Kind of die and be reborn again, not to be sound like. Super like culty or something, but like to, to really shed those layers of, numbness, I’d say, and disassociation that are great, intelligent coping mechanisms for the environments in which we’ve been born into. So I’m not denying the intelligence of, numbing because that in and of itself has safeguarded a lot of our.

a lot of our psychology for a long time, but as we release into new ways of being with each other, and as we collectively start to heal, we’re going to have to shift out of, states of disassociation and start to stay in the body. And then over time, there’s actually really great practice around conscious numbing, which Adrian Marie Brown talks about a lot, too.

Which basically gives us those moments of reprieve, Hey, you know what, I’m going to Netflix and chill and just zone out for two hours, and that’s totally, I think also very healthy too. So it’s not to say that

one is better than the other, or we’re in some sort of place. That’s not okay. It’s to say all of it is welcome. And when we welcome all of it, then we get. To be free. there’s no, we don’t have to compartmentalize so much. We don’t have

to, like, how has the tapestry of our bodies been colonized? Like, how has the tapestry of our sensation? been, compartmentalized, like divided and conquered and almost there’s like a dictator inside of at least there was inside of me, this dictator said,this is only permissible under certain circumstances and certain ways.

And if it’s not that, then that doesn’t come out. And there was a lot of regulation and rules going on in terms of like, when I was allowed to feel something and when I wasn’t. And to basically say, no, I have full permission to feel my experiences in any given moment. to have sensation run through my body.

It is my birthright. To have access to my bodily autonomy and to make choice from a space of feeling and sensation as opposed to a space of logic, really reframes and reshapes the entire experience of your life. So to me,it’s, it’s a power move. It’s a big power move to reincorporate pleasure.

Cassie: Absolutely. Yeah, I really resonate with what you said about that, the inner dictator, because I’ve certainly, I’m sure it’ll be a lifetime of unraveling that, but the inner dialogue is sometimes I don’t have time, I think you mentioned that I don’t have time for this, I need to be productive, all of those things that capitalism, patriarchy, tell us that we, I can’t do this because I need to be doing this.

and I’m at the part of it where there’s a lot of, okay, let’s pause, let’s, is this truth or is this? the inner dictator. I like that I have a name for it now. I’m going to borrow that if that’s okay. My inner dictator that’s trying to keep me from pleasure because I’m not about it anymore.

I’m ready to cut ties with them. 

Kalah: yes. so many aspects that have tried to keep us safe and that’s why it’s like there I have compassion because these are all coping strategies under pretty severe conditions, you know, we’re talking about. Stomach oppression and you know how our bodies have adapted to those environments.

And so I have a lot of compassion for the inner dictator. And at the same time, my pleasure is not their domain. That’s not the domain dictator. That’s not where they rest in my body anymore. 

Cassie: Absolutely. I don’t want to keep you for too long, so I’m just going to ask you a couple more questions before we wrap up.

but when those, because I, you know, I think about, I know for me, that inner dictator, and like we’ve already mentioned, grief comes up in so many ways, but I know for me, I have had a lot of grief as well around that inner dictator, and Remembering that I do, get to experience pleasure and I get to decide when and how I experience pleasure.

And then I will, sometimes I can go into that spiral of, Oh, I, of either feeling bad about it or feeling bad about how much I’ve missed out because I listened to the inner dictator for so long. So handling when those, griefs arise of. ways to be with them, address them, move with them, as they arise.

Kalah: Yeah. I’ve said this before on another podcast and I’ll just say it again, when I hit these moments of resistance and, or let’s say challenge when there’s shame or guilt that comes up and I start to grieve and I start to get angry and I start to get just really upset about the years that were lost.

I ask myself this question, what is the most loving thing I could do next? And so bell hooks talks about so brilliantly talks about, what it takes to step into a culture of love, what it takes to walk into a love ethic and embody that in our relations. with ourselves and with our communities.

And I think it, it takes asking questions like that in moments of despair. It takes asking the question, what is the most loving thing I can do next to take care of this grief, to take care of this grieving body. Sometimes that’s lying down. Sometimes that’s making a cup of tea. Sometimes that’s taking a walk.

Sometimes that’s brushing your teeth. Sometimes that’s, not brushing your teeth. like it really can be a very simple. exchange of realism, there’s this, sobriety, that comes online, like you sober up when you’re in the middle of this grief and you’re Whoa, like my capacity right now is not of the expectation of what patriarchy or capitalism or these oppressive societies would even deem as like.

normal, whatever you want to call these like really distorted views of how we’re supposed to be showing up as humans. And if we lovingly can slow down and ask these questions and take the next best step towards love, regardless of what that is. I think that we are starting to build cultures of care.

Beyond what we know now when we’re starting to step into unconditional loving space with ourselves and then have more capacity to do that with others. yeah, there’s so much that I think people really need to learn about how to hold space for both pleasure and grief. They’re very similar in the ways in which we hold space for both of those beautiful human attributes.

And it is one that is incredibly loving, incredibly slow and incredibly like non judgmental. It’s just okay, I got to release the control and I got to let go. Otherwise, this is going to consume me. And then I will have lost myself again. And I want to make sure that I stay with myself as much as I can.

in the sensation of all of my life experiences. 

Cassie: Beautiful. I love that invitation. Thank you. as I shared with you, interviews are new to my podcast, so I’m playing around with some sort of a closing question. And though you might’ve already answered this, I would just love to hear, what right now is, bringing you back to your innate wholeness.

Kalah: Gosh, so much. I’m like, Oh God, there’s like a million things that are bringing me back to my wholeness. This is my Gemini rising here. Ooh, I got like 20 million things going on at once. But I think, the first thing that came to me and what’s really been apparent is, the skill of letting go and the skill of saying no.

And how that actually brings me into such deep states of satisfaction and satiation and wholeness. So I am like a genius at the yes, right? that’s what I teach people. I teach people the yes. Like, how do I have you screaming? yes. Like I can probably get you there pretty well. And what I’ve learned though, is that yes, doesn’t just come out of nowhere.

That our no’s are really deep, nourishing, loving. No thank you’s are shaping our yeses. They’re giving definition to our yeses. So it creates this really dynamic partnership. And what I’m experiencing in my life is that as I really honor my own capacity and my own limitations. Which is like a really hard concept for a pleasure, a pleasury stuff.

I’m like, wait, there’s limits.

This is boundless. but to really say listen, this is my capacity. This is where I’m at. And I’m going to have to bow out of this, opportunity or social event or whatever it may be. And really. Safeguard that capacity. I’ve learned that these deep wells of satiation and satisfaction, are experienced.

I’m like, wow. Okay. So the world didn’t implode by me saying no. And what actually became much clearer was like, My definitive yes, and the things that I actually do have capacity for not only capacity but also like deep longing for. and I think that’s just a maturation process, I’m 38, which I feel like is very young.

I feel like talk to me when I’m 60. This podcast is going to be, this interview is going to be great. but I do, I feel very young and I feel that I’m still in deep maturation processes that will. Start to come to light even more and more as I grow into my maturity, and I’m really looking forward to that.

And there’s this real beauty to the boundary work that comes with pleasure. And so that’s been really tantalizing. 

Cassie: I love that and I love your description of your no’s sort of chiseling and carving out what your yeses are like bringing them. Even more fully to life. That’s a really beautiful visual.

Oh, Kayla, I’m so grateful to know you and to have worked with you and for all of the beauty and wisdom you shared with us here. Thank you so much for, for showing up and sharing. And I would just love for you to share, where people can find you, where people can work with you, the ways that they can work with you.

Kalah: Of course. Yeah. So I have my website, which is in pleasure. We trust dot com as well as my instagram at Kayla dot hill. And yeah, there’s lots of fun musings going on there. I’m getting braver shining my light. And so I’ll have more things coming, and always feel free to reach out to me. I love connection.

I’m happy for you to slip into my DMs, honestly, slip into my DMs and ask me out. I’ll probably say yes. I’m such a flirt. I love flirting. I love getting to know people. I’m very curious. And so yeah, I’m always available for a chat, and to connect and yeah, there’s many ways I work with individual clients, privately online and also in person and I do combo packs with that too.

So we’ll have some things online, some things in person. And then I also host group experiences and events of the erotic nature. I’m very ceremonial, very conscious, and intentional. space for going a little deeper into exploring, sensual touch and erotic exploration. So really excited about all those things.

Cassie: Yeah. Yes. Some of those are piquing my interest. I didn’t know about the group. Work that you did. That’s exciting. and I will, of course, I will have all of your links and everything and the show notes so people can find you easily and connect. Wonderful. Thank you again so much, Kayla. 

Kalah: Thank you, Cassie.

My pleasure. 

The Nurturing Mother of Late Summer

The golden glow of summer is present but slowly fading. Fruits are ripe as the land continues to give, and the Earth’s love for us can be seen, felt, and tasted. There’s much to celebrate and much to grieve. Burning land, displacement, and smoke-tinged air offer potent reminders of where we are. It feels like too much more often than not. Then I remember these cycles, even human-created, will continue with or without me and that soft spaces are needed. The Nurturing Mother of late summer holds out her bountiful arms to nurture our grief. Soft spaces exist to grieve and be held but sometimes need to be cultivated from within. 

In this month’s Seasonal Magic and Medicine, enjoy reflections on the Goddesses Ceres and Demeter, a short writing about our need for soft spaces, a guided journey meditation to connect with Nurturing Mother of Late Summer, and a ritual to connect with plants in your local environment. Click here to join my newsletter to receive these monthly Seasonal Magic and Medicine articles in your inbox. 

Ceres and Demeter

The presence of the Greek Goddess Demeter and Roman Goddess Ceres, who many believe are one and the same, move to the foreground during this season. Ceres and Demeter are Mother Goddesses of the harvest, grain, nourishment, protection, grief, and fertility. They help to ensure and protect a bountiful harvest while providing a warm lap for the impending grief of winter. 

L’ete, Ceres – Jean-François Millet (1864-1865). Wikimedia Commons.

In the case of Demeter, she knows her daughter, Persephone, who some view as an aspect of Demeter, will soon return to the Underworld for six months during the dark half of the year. Persephone returns to the Underworld by choice each year, rather than force, as a necessary aspect of the birth-death-rebirth cycle. Monica Sjöö references this in The Great Cosmic Mother, “As the Grieving, determined mother she descends to the Underworld–into social rebellion, role-reversals, personal madness, the dark journeys of introspection and disintegration that precedes creative, visionary power–to rediscover her own soul, retrieve the joyous daughter of self-determining life.”

Ceres was an especially beloved Goddess of the common people of Rome because she offered protection from the Roman empire and more closely resembled the original regenerative Earth Goddesses. I feel this protective essence of Ceres especially potent this season, in the land, and for the masses (human and more-than-human) demanding a liveable future. 

We see in these Goddesses an opportunity to be nourished by the land and be held in our grief as we honor cycles of death in the land and ourselves to “rediscover” our “own soul,” as Sjöö puts it. 

Creating Soft Spaces

Earth’s cycles persist. Embrace or ignore them, but know they won’t stop because you are them. Where’s your soft space, the unconditional embrace that helps you dance through these bright, burning unknowns?

Soft spaces exist. Flowers bloom, and trees fruit amidst climate collapse as their kin die, burn, or drown. They don’t hide away til it’s done. They lean in to be held and nourished from within and around. They allow it because they know they‘ll have a soft place to land, right here in the land. Swallowed up and held tight by the Great Mother’s embrace, all to rise and do it again. 

Who holds you, dear one, when you realize the soft spaces were paved over? Where do you lay your grief and gather your love, or do they lie dormant and stagnant within you? 

The cycles will persist, with or without you, and whiteness and money will never be enough to save you. Mother Earth will forever continue to birth, dance, and die.

Every phase has its place in her warm embrace, readying for death and rebirth to continue. She’s breaking the pavement of soft spaces paved over.

Where does it leave you, us? The soft, warm lap of the Great Mother, the Earth, whoever you call them, offers this respite and the wisdom to remember. Their love can be seen in weeds weaving through cracks and Orcas fighting back. Each example a reminder that cultivating soft spaces together makes us much safer. 

Is it time for you to allow or to come out from hiding? When we build soft spaces together, they’re much harder to crack. The flowers do not struggle to bloom or do it alone. They take their time, roots connected to all. Taking cues from above and below, guiding them to grow, dance, and die. They know their blooming signals an eventual return to the soft space of compost, yet they move right along. Maybe that’s why we deny our own mysterious callings. We know it’s a surrender to eventually going back home. 

So, I ask you again, who holds you, dear one, when you realize the soft spaces were paved over? Where do you lay your grief and gather your love, or do they lie dormant within? Perhaps, we can create soft spaces together, held in the warm embrace of a Great Nurturing Mother. 

Nurturing Mother Meditation

What are you grieving this season? Let’s cultivate a soft space within to give it a home. Join me in a live circle to grieve and be held by the great Nurturing Mother of Summer by clicking here. Or, follow these steps to have a meditation journey of your own. As always, modify as needed. 

Before you begin, bring something to mind that feels tender and needs grieving. You might decide to have a physical representation of what you are grieving. If so, you can have that with you for meditation, but it is not a necessity.

1. Create a sacred space for your meditation in line with your practice. There are many ways to do this, like lighting incense, a candle, calling upon guides, and honoring the four directions. You might also like to play soft drumming music, or nature sounds that help you meditate. 

2. Begin to focus on your breath and body. Spend as much time here as you need to feel aware and embodied. 

3. Close your eyes or gaze softly ahead and begin to visualize with your mind’s eye an environment that feels safe. If you work with any guides or allies, you can connect with them here and invite them on the journey. 

4. Notice a door appears, and if it feels aligned, walk through it. 

5. Out ahead, you see a great stone circle. Walk in through the East to the center. From the center stone, orient yourself towards the Southwest and notice a warm golden glow. 

6. As you exit the stone circle and walk towards the warm glow, become aware of how the environment looks, smells, and feels. 

7. With the warm sun overhead, call upon the Great Mother with your grief in hand. She will appear uniquely to all, perhaps as a person or not or as the land itself. Allow yourself to be guided in how you interact with her. 

8. Offer your grief to be held, again allowing your intuitive connection with her to guide you. 

9. Spend as much time here, perhaps sitting in her lap, weeping, or noticing the beauty and nourishment of the season. 

10. When you feel ready to go, thank the Great Mother, and head back towards the stone circle to the center stone. Pause at the center stone before exiting out the east and heading back to the doorway. 

11. Once through the doorway, thank any guides or allies who accompanied you. Open your eyes and return to your space as you are ready. Consider journaling your experience, looking around your room, and having food and drink to help reorient you to your physical environment. 

Plant Connection Ritual

This ritual is an invitation to connect deeply with a plant(s) in your local environment as a form of gratitude and nourishment. The plant world’s ability to continue to give fruit amidst our quickly changing world holds wisdom. 

This ritual does not require receiving anything physical from the plant (although it could) and might come through as an insight or simply through being present with a plant’s beauty. 

Vervain, Verbena Stricta.

You might find it helpful to take some time before committing to this ritual to become more aware of the plants growing in your local environment and notice if any particular plants call to you or if you notice some more than others. 

You’ll need:

• 20-40 minutes

• offering (smoke, water, stone, anything that feels aligned with your practice)

• plant(s)

1. Based on what is accessible to you and your body, go for a walk or find a place to sit where there are plants. Doing this does not require a lush forest or prairie and can be done with plants in your yard, community, or even a shopping center. 

2. Once you’ve decided on a location, find a plant you feel called to connect with and sit with or near it. Before connecting with the plant, consider asking permission to connect with it. If getting close to a plant is not accessible, you can perform this ritual as a meditation by visualizing the plant within your mind’s eye. 

3. Notice how the plant supports life and gives to its local environment. Does it have fruit, flowers, or seeds? Are there bugs, birds, or bees on or around it? Is it protecting the soil? Notice the plants, leaves, fruit, or flowers. What do you find beautiful about them? 

4. Consider asking the plant questions. Some to consider might be, “Tell me about your essence?”, “Who do you nurture?”, “What bring you joy?”, “Can I do anything for you?”, or “Would you like to give anything to me?”. Answers might come through as inner knowings, feelings, visuals in the mind’s eye, or inner dialogue.

5. Act accordingly, and as you can, if you receive invitations to give or receive from the plant. For example, if you feel the plant wants water, bring it. If you feel the plant wants to share itself with you in some physical way, allow yourself to receive it (of course, do not ingest anything unless you know it is safe to do so.)

6. Thank the plant for its energy and give your offering. 

As late summer slowly yields to fall, its beauty and bounty feel especially transient and tender. Our ever-turning cycles are a constant reminder that nothing lasts forever. Fortunately, lasting forever is not a prerequisite to savoring the fruit of the season, the joys of life, or the beauty of the earth. May your grief give way to soft spaces that allow you to be nurtured enough to descend into your own personal underworlds.

Weaving Wisdom Past, Present & Future

The Magnolia tree is the oldest flowering tree that we humans know of. Fossils of Magnolia have been found dating back 58 million years. Some botanists think the Magnolia flower, or something resembling it, may have been the first flower on Earth from which all other flowers descended. Magnolia lived amongst the dinosaurs and continues to flourish today in various species. Magnolia is so old that these ancient examples pollinated with the help of beetles rather than bees because bees did not exist. It has witnessed many of Earth’s phases, expansive, destructive, regenerative, and everything in between. 

A beautiful Magnolia tree, Magnolia X soulangeana, often called Tulip or Saucer Magnolia, lives next to our house. It was quick to get my attention upon moving here last year. When Spring came, it flowered early, as many Magnolias do, and let me know it was time to weave some magic. The early bloom of Magnolia is something else I find interesting about these trees: they often flower early, losing blooms to inevitable cold snaps, yet, Magnolia continues to thrive. 

Magnolia X soulangeana bloom.

How Magnolia and I would work together was still unclear in the early Spring. I’ve learned to allow these things to unfold in their own time. As I continued to connect with Magnolia, both in person and in journey, guidance and direction began to take shape. Others were invited in, Grandmother Cedar and Lilac Tree, so, I began connecting with them too. I’m increasingly taken by the force at which some magical workings move me into actions I do not always fully understand. I now know this to be where the most potent magical workings happen. When I release control around what magic I think is needed, I open myself to the energy currents around me and the wisdom of other beings and spirits I’ve come to trust. I can be an instrument for needed magic to take shape without my human influence, inserting myself as a more communal part of both the physical and non-physical realms. I am simultaneously an integral and insignificant part of the magical workings, as I trust another would bring it to life if I did not. 

Throughout this process, I learned how to weave a cord from the inner bark of Cedar and crafted a beautiful three-strand rope as part of this collaboration. I am quite proud of it! Further guidance suggested combining these tree energies in a vibrational or flower essence. However, the water worked with in this process holds more than the flowers placed atop it as there was quite a bit unfolding around it at its inception.

Grandmother Cedar tree and her inner bark used for the rope.

As my practice deepens, I’ve become more aware of collective energy shifts and often feel a need to help midwife energies in or out of the collective. Sometimes, I sense these shifts in small groups of people, the country, or humanity. This was one of those times and felt like the latter. Though Magnolia tipped me off to this project months earlier, these workings culminated during an eclipse season. Which, if you know, you know. Right? Most of this last eclipse season felt like a trance-like blur. Perhaps, for you too? 

This collaborative creation was a midwifing in situation, a remembering. Magnolia’s easeful wisdom reminded me that we have access to the same timelines they do. Like Magnolia, we can weave back into the past by connecting with the parts of ourselves that lived in various parts of the world hundreds and thousands of years ago. It’s all there in our blood, bones, and the dirt beneath us that grows our food. As is the future. Magnolia showed me time as an accordion-like shape that can fold in on itself and expand, as though time is simultaneously linear and singular. A feature that enables us to access different points at will, inviting us to lean on the perseverance and wisdom from our past well and healed ancestors and the strength and desires of our future well and healed descendants. Beyond different timelines, I was also invited to explore different parts of my personal timeline for healing, strength, wisdom, and hope. For example, accessing the healed and whole maiden bursting with playful curiosity and desire when needed, knowing I can also access the wise crone who may or may not be fully realized physically yet lives within me now.

The invitation I found in this experience was to become more comfortable navigating and seeking support and guidance from these different timelines, both within myself and the collective. Working in this way felt more like a remembrance than a new practice. It also helped expand the depth of my otherworld support network in ways I didn’t know I needed, which helped me navigate the unfolding present. I think most of us, especially magical and spiritual folk, sense significant changes on the horizon. Our desires as a collective, alongside our plant and animal kin, feel like they’re culminating. Albeit outwardly and by design, it may not appear that most of us have the same overall desires, I believe our desires are more similar than we’re led to believe. Seeds are planted, and it seems all timelines seek to support a bountiful harvest that supports all life beyond humans. 

But these transitional times can be messy, confusing, and scary. Our metaphorical growing season may bring pests, drought, or uncertain situations. Messy isn’t bad, but it often requires additional resources to navigate the frequent reorientations needed to move through it. Magnolia impressed upon me some solutions, a remembrance of our ability to weave together the wise and healed ones of the past, present, and future. We need to expand our perspective far beyond the perceived challenges of these times by leaning on the wisdom of the past and future well and healed ones. Well-rooted strength, hope, and love are waiting for you in different timelines, and they are excitedly watching, ready to assist, as are the different versions of yourself. 

If you’re reading this, I doubt this is surprising. I suspect it’s information that will feel like a confirmation because it’s energy you’ve also picked up on. We’re in for significant changes here on Earth, but I feel well-resourced and equipped for whatever comes. And, when I don’t, which is also often, I remember that I have the support of the wise ones in all timelines guiding me. 

Chanting and weaving the Cedar rope as the essence steeped.

I chanted as I wove the cedar cord over the steeping essence of Magnolia and Lilac flowers, “Wise ones, maidens, mothers, and crones—healed and whole. Past, present, future, weaving together the here and now.” or some variation of it. The essence is bottled, with a portion of the Cedar cord around each bottle, and titled the Wisdom Weaver Elixir. It feels important, but it also feels like the waves of the work are rippling out regardless of who consumes the essence. I do like it, though, and it feels like some of the most meaningful magic I’ve been a part of. 

The essence with Lilac & Magnolia flowers & the finished Cedar rope around the glass.

A personal result of accessing these timelines is that I’ve been connecting with a second-generation successor of my children. It’s been inspiring and exciting as most of my spiritual connections have revolved around ancestors and otherworld beings. Connecting with this related being from the future grants me a hopeful and beautiful perspective. Your ancestors have walked through much, as have you and the lineages beyond you who will inhabit this realm, or are already.  I’ve certainly enjoyed expanding my community beyond the present by allowing it to weave through different timelines within myself and beyond. Perhaps we’ll need more than ourselves to dance through this phase.

The Magic of Grief & Grief Tending

Every rite of passage and rebirth you experience, whether on a spiritual, emotional, physical, personal, or collective level, includes opportunities to grieve. Yet, talk of grief is often reserved for death and dying alone. While in truth, grief relates to any deep sorrow, and sorrow accompanies many of the rites of passage we walk through. Some of the rites of passage, rebirths, and deaths that come to mind that so often lack our grief are the onset of menstruation, puberty, childbirth, monetary changes, loss of friendships, moving, changes in important relationships, career or work changes, deaths, and collective changes like climate change and the pandemic, just to name a few. 

Listen to this post on my podcast, Rooting into Wholeness, here.

Grief lives within every death and rebirth cycle, waiting for us like a wise teacher ready to help us alchemize through another right-of-passage portal. Unfortunately, for many of us, rights of passage are sorely lacking in our personal lives and collectively, leaving our ability to properly grieve important changes neglected. How might our view of grief and grieving change if we could hold these words with more reverence? How would life's rights of passage, death, and rebirth processes look and feel if you had more time and space to grieve them properly? How might we as a collective find more peace if we made more space for the magic of grief? 

In the book Death Nesting by Anne-Marie Keppel, she shares this about grief, "Rather than seeing it as something to "get through” and "move on" from, learn how these new feelings incorporate into your life. Death changes life–that's what it does. Be gentle with yourself and others as you learn this new being you are becoming." When I grieve, I'm often reminded that I need far more time and space than I think to be with my grief. What would happen if you allowed more time to tend to your grief or, as Anne-Marie put it, “to learn this new being you are becoming”? Would you turn into a pile of tears, incapable of moving forward? Maybe for a little while, but not forever. I suspect your grief, like mine, has wisdom, healing, and even inspiration to offer you as you navigate this physical world. Perhaps focusing on our grief is the transformative and paradoxical magic we need to emerge from personal and collective rites of passage more healed and whole.

This isn't to say grief tending is easy, and of course, there are barriers to regular grief tending embedded in the systems in which we live, so each person's ability to grieve will vary. The natural cycles of nature and the moon show us ways to grieve even when it may be difficult. I've found in my own grief tending that my ability to grieve directly correlates to my capacity to love myself and others and experience deep joy. Like most things, the more time you spend cozying up to grief, the more natural it will feel over time.

Like so many areas of life, perhaps the best place to better learn how to grieve is by turning to our closest teachers in the natural cycles surrounding us, like the moon and the seasons. In this share, I'll explore grief through the seasons, moon phases, and the tarot, gleaning ways to honor and learn from our grief to help us become whole and more firmly rooted in our humanness. I'll offer energetic insights into how I see grief show up in the energy body as an energy worker, how I approach it on an energetic level, and other grief rituals. This share is an invitation to examine your grief, and the magic, healing, and joy found within the grieving process. 

As a human who grieves, a death doula, and an energy worker, I'm no stranger to grief, but I'm also not the authority on grief. As a cis white woman, I carry internal biases that skew my perspective, which undoubtedly pertain to my experiences around grief. As always, take what you like and leave the rest. Furthermore, if you've recently lost someone or are experiencing deep grief, I invite you to be gentle with yourself as you listen and take breaks if you need. Therapy can be a wonderful ally to grieving. You don't need to do this alone. 

Grief and the season of slowness, winter

Wintertime is our dark moon of the year and a palpable reminder of the need for slowness, darkness, death, and the need to retreat inward. The hibernating flora and fauna remind us not to extend our energy outward year-round. Inward and descending energy has a vital and nourishing role in our existence. My son wisely described this season as the time that "the sun takes a rest." As I write this, here in the Northern Hemisphere, we are a week away from the Spring Equinox, positioned on the cusp of the season of rebirth. For me, the grief is palpable. 

As my first year back in a cloudy, cold climate for winter, it dawned on me that the seasonal depression I felt creeping in was another metaphorical red flashing sign inviting me to "slow down!". Leaving me wondering, would the effects of SAD be as bad if I could rest and retreat inward even more throughout the winter months? The amount of sunlight we have access to throughout winter may be fixed, but the reality is that slowing down, regardless of the season, is simply not an option for most. Depression is real, and lack of sunlight can certainly play a role, but would SAD be as severe if people could slow down and grieve more amidst these natural seasons of less light?

A view from one of my many midwestern winter season walks.

When I lost my grandmother and father within a couple of months of each other, I entered what I like to call a "grief portal." Time seemed to slow down, everything felt hard, and through my patriarchalized and capitalized lens, I just wanted to return to "normal." The biggest lesson I took away from that experience was how much slowness my grief required. I needed loads of time to do nothing to allow things to process. Of course, the way each person processes their grief will be unique, but for me, getting to a place where my grief can come out to be processed requires tremendous slowness. 

Of course, rest and slowness may sound lovely, but there are very real barriers to this kind of big rest, grief tending, and inner transformations. I was privileged to have the space to slow down amidst my grief amidst deep loss. Having time for big slowdowns to process grief may not always be doable. Add to these barriers the fact that many of us have endured various levels of conditioning to place more value on our ability to produce over our ability to simply be. Slowing down can feel like a life-and-death situation. Yet, for many of us, this is what grief needs. 

It is within this season of slowing down and integrating that our grief wants to be witnessed and held close the most. The world outside is in a literal death phase, reminding us daily to honor our personal need to grieve. Yet, our attempts to make space for grief can, understandably, feel too difficult to make space for or thwarted due to the demands of living in a capitalist society, stretching us ever thinner in a time when we should have the space to be with our grief and let parts of ourselves die away. 

Returning to the midwest and communing with the winter landscape has left me pondering how to rewrite this season to make more space for my need to grieve, integrate, and transform. I'm learning that being with my grief at this time is the most potent spell and healing gift I can offer myself this season. When the inevitable happens, and my grief bubbles up, or someone else's grief begins to overflow in my presence, I try witnessing it without judging it or trying to fix it and instead, asking myself how to lovingly hold the space for it, allowing it to be witnessed just like the death of nature all around me. What a powerful gift for myself and others when I can approach grief from this tender and vulnerable space. 

When I look at grieving as something I need to thrive and become whole, it feels less like something I need to get over and more like something I need to hold dear. When I move further into being present with my grief, its magic shines even more. My ability to be present with more grief and the grief of others expands, and my grief transforms into the gift of being present for someone else in their grief. I found myself sitting with the starkness of the winter landscape, witnessing the grief of nature on full display, and wondered if, rather than tucking grief neatly away for an "appropriate" time, perhaps we could be like the winter landscape and allow our grief to simply be. 

Of course, wintertime is not our only season of grief, death, and rebirth. Mother moon shows us how to die, grieve, and be reborn every lunar cycle. Let's explore the wisdom of the dark moon phase in relation to grief.

Honoring the dark moon 

The dark moon phase is mother moon's death, rest, and integration season. Unlike the full moon's magic, the dark moon is not a time for manifesting and materializing but for returning to the inner cauldron, shadow work, and connecting with unseen realms. It is a monthly opportunity to honor death and grief. 

Dark Moon card featured from The Ritual Deck (discontinued)

In Sarah Faith Gottesdeiner's book The Moon Book, she describes the dark moon as "a site of liberation," and I couldn't agree more. It is within the darkness of this phase that we are granted the space to excavate from our depths the parts of us that need to be witnessed and loved the most. By loving these parts of ourselves and witnessing our grief, they can be fully integrated into our inner soil, cultivating a necessary richness for new seeds to be sown. 

When I neglect this phase of the moon's cycles, my inner earth remains parched, thirsty for my grief to be witnessed and tended. Liberation comes when I can hold my sorrow close, rock it, and tell it it's okay to be. Giving my grief permission to integrate into my inner landscape gives rise to the fertile soil needed for new life. I get free. 

The beauty of honoring grief through the dark moon phase is that it comes every month. You don't have to grieve everything at once. The moon reminds us daily that we're not fixed beings and that change is our true nature. We are not meant to be radiant and positive every day; we are also not meant to grieve every day. Every lunation is an invitation to honor where you're at and how you feel, not how society tells you to feel. The dark moon is often the reminder I need to honor my grief and the little day-to-day deaths we all experience. Sometimes, we're intended to crumble and be held by the earth, and the dark moon phase can be a monthly ally to assist in this kind of grief tending. 

Grief as paradox and the chariot

Beyond my personal grief tending this season, I’ve noticed the topic of grief surfacing more on a collective level as well. Have you noticed this, too? Being in a chariot year (2+0+2+3=7, which corresponds to the chariot), I found myself called to think about grief in relation to this card and was excited to see so many overlapping themes and invitations around grief and grieving. Even though the chariot is not usually correlated with grief, I think it has some wisdom for us in this collective season.  

The first clue to the chariot card being an invitation to help us grieve is its placement, and I’ll be honest, the placement of this card did not dawn on me immediately. It wasn’t until I was in the final editing process of this share that I received a little nudge reminding me that the chariot card is the last card of the first line in the major arcana. Wow. Talk about an opportunity to invite grief in. The placement alone sets this card apart as a point of death and rebirth. The fact that the chariot card is the card associated with 2023 indicates that this is indeed a year to, among other things, honor our grief individually and collectively. 

Left: The Chariot Card from Journey Tarot by Cassie Uhl, Right: The Chariot Card from the Waite/Coleman deck

This isn’t the only invitation to grieve that I’ve found in the chariot. The chariot card is one of those cards in the major arcana that I find has many layers, paradoxes, and can mean different things at different times of life. Let’s dive into the paradox of this card and how it shines a light on the paradox in grief. 

The name of the chariot indicates movement and action, yet, on the Waite/Coleman deck, there is no movement shown. It is often touted as a card of willpower yet corresponds with the soft and intuitive energy of Cancer in the zodiac. The paradox continues with the duality of symbology, which can be seen in the black-and-white sphinx looking in different directions. I captured this in my deck with the black and white birds heading in different directions. The medicine of this card is potent and not one that I will be able to fully expand upon here, but I think it has some powerful invitations for us as we examine our grief on a collective level.

There’s a certain amount of resiliency building that accompanies regular grief tending. This is where the chariot comes in. Within the chariot's many layers, there are elements of softness, which we can see with the Cancerian energy tied to this card. There is an invitation to allow what is, to sink into it, and to try to be in a state of flow with what is, even when it’s uncomfortable. 

I see the willpower part of this card come in with how we engage with emotions and grief. The chariot asks us to allow a steady stream of emotions to flow, all while staying on course or perhaps being open to flowing in a new direction. With the gates of grief open, your emotions may indeed put you on a new course entirely or direct your life in new ways. The chariot can be an invitation to get more comfortable in the ups and downs of grief tending. It shares possible avenues to explore around building resiliency while pendulating between grief and joy. Asking, “how can we be with the joy and the grief without being knocked off course so far that we can’t come back?” or, “how can we allow the pendulation between grief and joy to carve a new pathway?”

There’s a certain tension held within the chariot card—a tension between the world of our subconscious emotions and the logical world. In Rachel Pollack’s book Seventy-Eight Degrees of Wisdom, she expresses the tension found in the chariot through our relationship with speech and language in this excerpt. “However, just as the ego is limited, so is speech. First of all, speech restricts our experience of reality. By forming a description of the world, by giving everything a label, we erect a barrier between ourselves and the experience. When we look at a tree, we do not feel the impact of a living organism; rather we think ‘tree’ and move on. The label has replaced the thing itself. Also, by relying too much on this rational quality of language we ignore experiences that cannot be expressed in words.” 

In what ways do we limit our ability to feel our grief fully and all of the magic it has to offer? Cancer, the astrological sign connected to this card, epitomizes feeling and being in our emotions. When paired with the strength and willpower of this card, how are we being asked to use those emotions to direct our movement forward? There is an over-arching theme of being in flow with the discomfort of not knowing where our emotions will take us, which may be another reason some fear sinking deeply into grief. I know I’ve certainly held this fear. What would it look like if the tension between your emotional and logical worlds were in harmony? How might inviting more grief into your daily life inform your daily actions or larger goals? 

This plays out in so many ways societally as well. I find myself constantly faced with the paradox of seeing and experiencing deep pain and injustices in the world, yet, I’m asked to forge ahead like everything is okay, or worse, that it’s completely normal to shove these grievances under the rug and carry on. I think intuitively, even humanely, many of us see how problematic this is. This is certainly one side of the chariot, the idea of forcing and forging ahead at all costs by leaning deeply into our willpower. But, if I invite in more of the nuance this card offers, I can see the need to bring my emotional and subconscious world into my decision-making and how I use my energy. Through this lens, I can see the chariot as an invitation to lean into my willpower to find ways to dance between and betwixt my emotions and the logical world. 

How might our trajectory as a collective change if more of us were forging new paths by flowing between our emotional/subconscious and logical/physical worlds? I sense this shift coming as many of us tire of binary thinking, especially in political spaces. These shifts could be slow and painful, but I don’t think they have to be. There’s so much space for deep joy and pleasure in these in-between spaces around our grief, joy, and the real demands of day-to-day life. I hope 2023 will be a year of flowing more intentionally between our grief, emotions, and the logical steps needed to build a more just and equitable world. 

Grief and the heart space

I don't often share experiences from my energy healing practice, but this specific topic felt like the right time to do so. Tending to grief within the heart space is one of the most common themes in my healing work with clients. Grief often presents to me as heavy weights or boulders in the energy body settled around the heart space. Sometimes these energetic weights are buried deep under several layers. Sometimes it takes multiple sessions for these pockets of grief to be revealed to me as a person becomes more comfortable working with me and my guides. 

How I approach untended grief in the energy body is quite different from how I approach a general imbalance in energy. I'm not the type of energy worker that removes everything from the person I'm working with. So, I certainly don't go in clearing away layers of grief when I come across it. I've found that clearing everything away is not only non-productive and ineffective but can potentially have negative side effects. Over the years, spirit and my guides have become exceedingly clear that grief needs to be witnessed, held, and danced with by the person I'm working with to be fully integrated and processed. There are things I can do to help bring awareness and help the grief surface or to give tools to tend to the grief, but it is not a healing path I can walk for someone else. 

This isn't the answer most folks want to hear. Of course, it would be much easier to remove people's grief, never to be seen again. However, as I shared, I feel there's deep wisdom in our grief and what a tragedy it would be to be severed from our humanness in this way. This isn't to say I won't remove energy from a person's field that isn't serving them, but my guides are always very clear about what needs to go and what needs to stay when I work with others. 

Unsurprisingly, most of the grief I see as an energy worker is settled in the heart space. Like the chariot card, the heart space is an extremely nuanced, layered, and paradoxical part of the energy body. The bridge area holds a unique duality between the physical and spirit realms, where these two qualities seek a sense of harmony. When I see untended grief in the energy body, it often affects one's overall ability to give and receive love, which has been my experience with grief, too. Love, on all fronts, is undeniably a bedrock of our human experience. Again, pointing to grief's important role in our ability to love, be loved, and experience deep joy. 

When I encounter untended grief in the heart space while working with someone, I usually sense a deep desire to witness, feel, and hold the grief. What I offer this kind of grief when I come across it is that deep witnessing. I give it space to tell me what it's been holding onto for so long. I hold it and rock it. After sessions like this, clients often report a sense of openness in the heart space. I do this to help bring it to the surface, not to clear it away. Instead, it's an invitation to embark on a personal grieving and healing journey if the client wants to, with or without me.

The rituals I offer after this kind of work are similar to what I do when I'm energetically engaged in someone's heart space. I invite folks to sit with their heart space, see what arises, and give it space to be witnessed and held. What our grief wants of us is rarely difficult, but the structures in which we live can make it feel like they are. If you're feeling pulled to tend to your grief in this way, you can find a by-donation grief-tending guided meditation I created here. I'll explore this meditation in greater detail below as well, as well as some other grief-tending tools.

Touching into the magic of grief through ritual

The ways we approach our grief will be as varied as the ways we approach life. Let these offerings serve as a place to play and create your own rituals around grief. As I shared earlier, what I offer here is based on my experience as a human who grieves, an energy worker, and an end-of-life doula. I am not an expert or a therapist. If my experiences of grief and grieving do not relate to you or your experiences, that is okay. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

It's also important to note that working with a trained therapist can be incredibly helpful for grief work. I am a huge proponent of therapy, and many of my deepest underworld journeys have included the aid of a therapist or spiritual counselor. You do not need to go this alone.

Grief work can look like a lot of things. It can look like inner child healing, shadow work, or grieving the loss of someone or something. Remember, grief is paradoxical, so it might take you on surprising journeys and not look how you thought it would. For example, when I was seeing a therapist to help me navigate the grief of losing my father and grandmother, much of the work that transpired between us revolved around healing grief within my childhood. I invite you to be open-minded and curious as you explore your grief. 

Grief Witnessing Meditation

In my practice, some of my most powerful grief work is quite passive. I have learned a lot about slowness through my grief tending and working with those at the end of life. Grief works on its own time, which can be challenging in and of itself. Especially those of us who like to have a checklist! I've shared this before and will continue to. During one of my grief journeys, my therapist reminded me often that in grief, "doing nothing is doing something." It took me a long time to hear her, but I finally did, and it's something I remind myself of regularly today. Grief requires us to slow way down, and there's no shortage of barriers trying to prevent many of us from doing that. 

Vintage illustration of a Young woman bathing by moonlight, Victorian art print, 19th Century

This meditation practice is the most common practice I share with my clients who are carrying grief. It is very passive and may even seem overly simple, try not to let the simplicity of this grief-tending exercise keep you from trying it. 

Find a guided audio version of this meditation here.

Grief tending heart space meditation 

• Carve out 10-40 minutes, whatever you feel you have the capacity for, as I'll encourage you to return to it often.  

• Settle into the present moment by noticing your breath and body. Add in any practices that help you root into the moment. 

• When you feel ready, settle yourself energetically in the heart space. This might look like visualizing traveling into the body and the heart space, visualizing a green or pink field of light around the heart space and focusing your energy there, or something else. There's no wrong or right way to do this. Your goal is to focus your attention on your heart space.

• As you settle into this space, simply notice what comes up, any physical sensations, emotions, visuals, or where you feel called to move within the heart space.  

• If you feel stuck at any time, you can consider asking your heart space questions like, "Are there any parts of myself that need tending to?", "Are there any versions of myself that need to be witnessed?" or "Are there any griefs that need to be held or honored?" I usually find an area of focus that my heart leads me to. 

• Go where you're led as far as you feel safe to continue. You could come in contact with any number of feelings or past experiences that feel they need your attention. Remember, you do not need to feel them all simultaneously. Spend as much time with each layer in your heart as you want, knowing you can always return. 

• You may find it helpful to ask your grief or any younger versions of yourself that you come in contact with if there's anything it would like for you to do to better tend to it. You may find that your grief simply wants you to play or laugh more to honor parts of your childhood that were taken away. 

• Come out of this when you're ready, and take your time returning to your physical space. Consider reintegrating by eating some food or having some tea to root into the physical body. 

If you'd like some support with a meditation like this, find my guided meditation for grief here. 

Play, expression, and ritual

Play, ritual, and various forms of expression have held and continue to hold key roles in grieving that is often forgotten in modern times. In Ireland, there's been a resurgence around the art of keening, which is the intentional wailing, singing, and crying for the dead—a practice initiated by Goddess Brigid after the death of her beloved son. In Ireland, a woman is sometimes hired to keen or wale at a ceremony. The keener holds multiple roles, one to give permission for others to wale or yell, but also to help usher the dead to their next phase. Did you know there are also past practices of game-playing and storytelling amidst the grieving process in Ireland? They were called "wake games." Similar to keening, they were suppressed as Christianity dominated. 

In Monica Sjöö's important book, The Great Cosmic Mother, she speaks of the importance of group ritual and expression in rites of passage, "Rites of transition from one life stage to another required group participation in ritualized expression, all designed to keep the individual's psyche united and in balance while passing through crises." I see this passage as another reminder of how many have forgotten the importance of grieving together. Of course, this "forgetting," was quite intentional. Grieving takes time, and many systems we abide by now, like capitalism, white supremacy, and patriarchy, do not allow the time it takes to grieve properly. This isn't true for everyone, and there are certainly many cultures that have maintained beautiful and powerful grief practices, and, as I mentioned, some are seeing a resurgence like keening. However, for the most part, what I see, as someone who works with folks at the end of life is that many of us have a beautiful opportunity to learn how to grieve better, especially together.

Preparing and conducting rituals around grief throughout the dying process was a big part of my end-of-life doula training. There was also huge importance placed on guiding folks to create rituals independently or as a family. As someone who lives and breathes ritual in my personal practice, I understand the personal nature of ritual. The way you need to grieve, or your family needs to grieve, isn't something I can tell you. I can encourage you to explore your ancestry, if it's accessible to you, and learn about ways your ancestors grieved together. I can also offer you some questions to ponder or journal on when thinking about ways to express or ritualize your grief. 

1. What story does your grief have to tell, and how might that story want to be told? 

2. What parts of your life have died or will die amidst this grief? How might you honor those parts and their ending?

3. How will your grief and loss create openings in your life, whether painful, sad, or happy? Can you think of any ways this openness may want to be honored or acknowledged while simultaneously holding space for your loss?

4. While sitting in your grief, what does it feel like your body wants to do or not do? How might you honor this?

5. While tuning into your grief, can you ask how it would like to be expressed? What does it have to tell you? 

Beyond these reflections, I will offer you one tool that has served me well throughout my life and my grief, and that's through working with altars. 

Grief altars

Different cultures have used altars since the beginning, and grief and loss are powerful ways to work with them. When I was fresh in my grief after the death of my father and grandmother, it caused me deep pain to see pictures of them. Each image served as a reminder of their absence. One of my earliest grief-tending methods was through creating a grief altar. This altar had no images. Instead, I used stones, flowers, and other found objects to represent them. My altar for them held space for all the indescribable feelings I was experiencing around their deaths. It gave me a physical space to put all my big feelings when I needed a break from carrying them. Over the years, I eventually added images of my loved ones to this altar. It is still up in my house today and continues to transform in appearance and purpose. What started as a container for my grief that I could dip in and out of has morphed into a physical representation of my reverence and connection to these loved ones. 

I created a similar altar for my grief around my difficulty having children. There is no grief too small for an altar. Every grief you carry deserves your love. Altars can be small and simple or large and intricate. There is, in my opinion, no wrong or right way to create an altar as they are extremely personal. One purpose of an altar is to bring physicality to something you're working with or an experience. In grief, an altar can be a place to hold, honor, or work with your grief. If this feels like something you'd benefit from, I invite you to approach your grief altar with curiosity and a playful spirit. You might even find it helpful to try the grief-honoring meditation earlier and ask for insight into what creating a grief altar might look like for you.  

Grief offers us a bridge between our deaths and our inevitable rebirths. Whether we honor the grief within them or not, the death and birth cycles will always continue within our own lives and the collective. The invitation of grief is to be a present participant within the many processes of death and rebirth we will all experience. When I become an active participant in my losses, when I decide to feel them fully and dance in the grief, I am simultaneously allowed the presence to rebuild myself or my life in meaningful ways. We can extend these sentiments to the collective as well. When I seek moments to be present in the grief of the mass extinctions happening all around us, to feel it and dance alongside it, I also create avenues to become an active participant in our rebirthing process as a collective. That is the magic that grief offers us. May you be with the grief fully, dance with it, let it wale through your body and out your mouth, and let it stream down your face and stomp through your feet into the great mother earth who holds us all until it is fully witnessed and held. 

Accessing Your Inner Healer with the Element of Water

Situated in the cardinal direction of the west, water is our winding and healing teacher that spirals us into the underworld in the Autumn months. Water connects deeply with the archetype of the Goddess calling us down and in to clear and heal in preparation for our descent into the colder months of stillness, integration, and regeneration. Also related to the moon, intuition, and mysticism, water is our wise teacher helping us move into the current of intuitive wisdom all around us. Within the current of water lies your inner healer and the wise one within you, who holds the key to your interconnectedness and wholeness.

Unlike Spring and Summer, when we face the west on our seasonal wheel, we are asked to begin channeling our energy inward to explore our internal worlds. It's a time to connect with the parts of ourselves that need tending and healing. The direction west and the element of water help us do this. 

While exploring the element of water, we often focus solely on her intuitive nature, which is true, but water is so much more! In this share, you'll learn more about the placement of west and water on our seasonal wheel and how it relates to the corresponding zodiac seasons, explore wisdom from water, common correspondences for water and west, and a few rituals to connect with, protect, and honor water.   

Listen on the podcast here.

Let's start with the placement of this direction and element on our seasonal wheel of the year. 

Seasonal Placement of Water on our Wheel

The element of water begins to spiral into our cyclical year at Lughnasadh as we face southwest. At this point on the wheel, we have a playful and intense time where water and fire mix and play. What happens with we introduce fire to water? It moves, becomes agitated, and may even turn into steam. This sense of activity is mirrored in the energy associated with the harvest season, busily preparing for the cold months ahead. 

When we shift fully westward at the time of the Autumn Equinox, we also move into Libra season. It's telling that our season of water begins with Libra and then moves into Scorpio. Libra, ruled by the planet of venus, our watery and sensual planet of love and beauty, seeks to find pleasure and nourishment from the beauty all around. As the earth begins to get colder in the Northern Hemisphere, water slows down, and we shift into Scorpio season, where we're invited to slow down and descend into the watery depths of our internal worlds for deeper healing and wisdom from within. 

Water Element card featured from The Ritual Deck by Cassie Uhl

For many who are in tune with the seasonal changes, the shift from Libra to Scorpio and Lughnasadh to Samhain feels palpable. The earth also mirrors this shift, with leaves falling from the trees and animals beginning to retreat. A slow spiraling dance inward that prepares us to shift north towards the element of earth and the time of composting and regeneration. 

Everything about this liminal space calls us inward to notice what within us needs to die so seeds can be planted for a new cycle to begin. Rebirth cannot happen without death. When we sink deeper into our internal oceans, we can find clues to what is ready to surface, what needs tending to, and what is ready to be returned to the earth for renewal. This need to retreat inward is where your inner healer comes in. Connecting with your inner healer and wisdom keepers resources you to love, heal, and excavate what needs tending and what needs midwifing out. 

Wisdom from Water and West

Water is the keeper and teacher of our emotional and intuitive world. Acting as a conduit between the physical/mundane world and the mystical/otherworld, she is a magical bridgebuilder calling you to swim in her waters to meet parts of yourself below the surface. We all have inner healers, wisdom keepers, and ancestral knowledge.

Seeking answers and wisdom from outside of ourselves oftentimes feels like the easier route, especially when the dominant culture inspires extraction at every turn. We've been taught not to trust ourselves and not to go within for answers and healing. Going within for our own healing and answers can feel incredibly uncomfortable. In this same thread, it's also important to state that sometimes we must seek outside of ourselves for help! Water asks us to discern when to seek healing and wisdom from the outside and when to go within. 

My most impactful mentors have always inspired me to seek my answers from within rather than supplying me with their formulas or answers. I've learned that this is a mark of a good mentor, and I am hesitant of mentors and teachers who appear to have all the right answers. As I continue to deepen my relationship with my inner wise woman, I've learned to discern better when I need to go within and when I need to ask for help. I've come to recognize that if I have a sense of urgency when searching externally for an answer or comfort, I need to pause, slow down, and look within first. I aim to no longer use mild discomfort as an excuse to seek external validation or answers. Sometimes, discomfort is simply an invitation to go deeper, not a problem. 

We can turn to the wisdom of Scorpio to better understand this desire to sink deeper into our depths. As I already shared about the timing of this season, it's no wonder we find Scorpio here aligned with the west and water. Scorpio energy always aims to go deeper. It encourages us to be with and learn from our emotional worlds, especially the often neglected and ignored parts. This requires us to begin flowing between our pain and pleasure so we can go deeper still, unafraid of our depths and where they may take us. Scorpio energy understands that the most beautiful gems and potent medicine are hidden within our deepest fractures. Learning from our pain doesn't mean we stay with it, but it does mean that we learn how to be with it and how to alchemize it into potent healing for ourselves and others. 

I love this excerpt from Bewitching the Elements by Gabby Herstik on the element of water that illustrates its healing powers so well. 

"Through this element you learn about your innermost world, about how you love, about your fears, about your shadow. Water is your connection to your intuition to the all-knowing consciousness that's bigger than just you. When you embrace the fluidity and majesty of this element, when you recognize your own ability to flow and ebb, you are able to come back to your magick, to your mysticism, to your truth: unconditional love. A mystical being in a human suit. Through water you feel, and through water you heal."

The innate healing gifts you harbor within are unique to you, which is why it's so important for each of us to travel to our sacred depths and explore hidden parts of ourselves. When we return to the surface, we are imbued with new tools to heal ourselves and others. We also come back with more empathy. When we lean deeply into our emotional world and understand why we feel the way we do, we can see these same patterns in others and have more compassion for them. 

Water is the mysterious shapeshifter of the elements, flowing from solid to liquid to vapor. Her shapeshifting abilities speak to her enigmatic nature. Water speaks through emotion and deep feeling. Her communication may present as contradictory and illogical due to her shapeshifting and interconnected nature, calling us to be at peace with simultaneous truths. So much of being present is learning to hold multiple truths and realities simultaneously. I encourage you not to abandon the wisdom water offers when you find it contradictory, it may still be true.  

Water is the great uniter and connecter, not only to each other but to all life and our ancestors. Water reminds us that we are all connected. When we move into her current, we have access to the past, present, and future. She is the divine wisdom keeper and healer residing within every living creature. My water teacher, Jen Isabel Friend, shares more about this idea in this quote from a longer article she shared on my blog in 2019.

"For the Kogi people of Colombia, for example, water is the origin of reality. For them, the structure of the world is sustained by water – every river, runoff, and raindrop maintains the world. Kogi know that within water is the metaphysical blueprint of existence, it holds the map of reality. All "worlds" of reality, from dreams to the structures of daily life, to psychic visions in medicine journeys, all are maintained by water.

This makes a lot of sense when you consider that water is actually holographic in nature. The internal arrangement of her molecules can imprint, store, and transmit information faster than the speed of light. Encoded in every cluster of water molecules is a record of everything that water has experienced. In fact, water is like a sensory organ of Mother Earth – she feels and remembers everything."

I'll dive deeper into how science is starting to catch up with some of these claims later in this share.

Water asks us to slow ourselves. It's the only way we'll feel her magic. It's how we can tune into and remember our unique gifts. If water knows all, connecting with it to learn more about ourselves, our inner healer, is less about acquiring something new and more about remembering who we are. Water asks us to sink into our depths and explore our wounds to remember who we really are and why we're here. When we shift into the element of earth and the direction of the north, we can better integrate these gifts and tools for the cycle to begin again. 

Water and West Correspondences

Correspondences are ways to connect with a particular energy. These are common correspondences for water and west, but it should always be noted that they can vary from practitioner to practitioner. Correspondences can be unique and personal. If there are specific items outside this list that help you feel connected to the element of water, honor that.

The Moon and High Priestess cards from Journey Tarot by Cassie Uhl

• Moon Phase: waning moon

• Phase of life: the priestess, wise woman, and the crone

• Themes: releasing, healing, letting go, slowing down, intuition, magic, the wise woman

• Color: Blue, 

• Element: Water

• Time of Year: Autumn

• Time of day: Sunset

• Energy center: Pelvic bowl and reproductive organs

• Items and tools: water, cauldron, chalice, symbols of the moon and the Goddess, shells and other items from water

• Crystals: Moonstone, aquamarine, carnelian, lepidolite, sodalite, opal

• Plants: Mugwort, ivy, aster, rose, lemon balm, poppy, valerian

• Tarot: Suit of cups, the Moon, hanged one, and death

• Ogham: Vine, ivy, reed 

• Runes: Laguz

• Planets: Moon, Neptune, Pluto

• Zodiac: Pisces, Cancer, Scorpio

Rituals to Connect with West and Water

Let's explore ways to deepen your relationship with water through ritual and magick. As always, take what you like and leave the rest. These are all examples of ways I've personally found to connect with and honor water and the west.

1. Connect with water through meditation, trance, or dance

Meditating on the elements is always a go-to for me. If you'd like guided support, you can sign up for or purchase Journey to Your Inner Healer meditation and workbook here. Otherwise, you can carve out some time to connect with water on your own through meditation. Here are a few thoughts I'd like to share if you want to connect with water through meditation or journeying. 

Because water is a shapeshifter, everyone will experience this element uniquely. My experience working with water in a meditative state is that water is deliciously subtle, requiring us to sink deeper, quiet the outer world, and attune deeply to our inner worlds. In a physical world where so much of what we come into contact with is quite loud, tuning into the subtleness of water can take some fine-tuning. At least, this has been my experience. Once I learned how to tune myself to the subtleness of water better, I was better able to experience the fullness of her wisdom. 

More than any other element, I'd encourage you to give connecting with water a few tries to experience it fully. There are many ways to do this. Here are a few suggestions. 

- State at the beginning of a meditation that you'd like to connect with the element of water and simply allow your mind to take you on a journey. 

- Visualize yourself traveling to a body of water. This could be a body of water you know and love or a fictional body of water. 

- Consider exploring the element of water in different states, like rain or fog, by visualizing it in your mind's eye. 

- While showering, bathing, or swimming, give yourself quiet time to connect with the feeling of the water. 

- For a more embodied experience, consider intuitively dancing or moving as if you're water and notice where this takes you and how it feels. 

- If you connect with a specific deity related to water, you could call on them to guide you into a water trance or meditation.

As you become comfortable connecting with water in one or more of these ways, you may want to begin working with water more collaboratively. This could mean calling upon water for assistance in ritual, healing, or spell crafting. It could look like asking water to guide you to your inner healer, which is what I lead you through in the guided journey meditation here. It could also mean listening to and asking for ways to protect and advocate it. Water is life. Upholding a reciprocal relationship with water will serve everyone. I'll share more on this later. 

Remember, water is the connection to your emotional world. Don't be surprised if exploring water this way brings up emotions or parts of yourself that have been dormant. Consider building in time after meditation to orient yourself to your surroundings and connect with the physical body by eating or drinking. 

2. Understanding and caring for water

I became wholly obsessed with the magic of water in 2019 when I stumbled across my water teacher, Jen Isabel Friend. You can learn more about her and her offerings here. Since my personal exploration into water through Jen's teachings, I've completely transformed my relationship with water physically and spiritually. I now understand water to be fully alive and conscious, especially when given the right environment to thrive and express herself. 

This is a huge topic and one that I will only be able to expand upon in this post partially. Furthermore, even though I've spent a few years learning and reading about these properties of water, I am not an expert. If your interest is piqued, I encourage you to check out Isabel's work here. Here are the cliff notes if you don't have time to dive in right now. 

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A post shared by Isabel Friend . Water Is Life (@jenisabelfriend)

Even though water is a common part of our everyday lives, we don't know very much about it or fully understand it. Much like the spiritual properties of water, even her physical properties are quite mysterious! There's a growing body of evidence from scientists worldwide showing that water has a fourth phase beyond liquid, solid, and vapor between a solid and a liquid called H302, EZ, structured, or gel water. This fourth phase of water is more hydrating and can, among other things, store memory. Though not directly related to the fourth phase of water, some of these ideas become popular through the work of Masaru Emoto in, The Hidden Messages in Water. Books like The Fourth Phase of Water by Gerald Pollock begin to break this down and explain some of the science behind these claims. 

What I find most interesting is that so much of what we're learning about water today has been talked about by indigenous wisdom keepers since the beginning. Healers, mystics, and wisdom keepers worldwide already know and understand the magic and importance of water. 

When water can spiral, flow, and move as it naturally wants to in a spring, river, or waterfall, it can mature into its fourth phase. The fourth phase of water is structured much like a crystal with coherent and patterned molecules. Unlike a crystal, it can also flow and move. In this structured state, like a crystal, water can retain information and imprints of energy, including human emotions. It may sound fringe, but the more water is studied, the more these claims are backed up. 

When water is inundated with chemicals, forced to flow through our human-made waterways and pipes in unnatural ways, and enclosed in bottles, it loses its full capacity to heal, transmit, and store information. As I said, this is a big topic, so if you want to learn more, I encourage you to explore some of the resources I've shared, but what I will leave you within this section is a call to action because water needs our help, and we need water.

There's an opportunity to be better stewards of water and her wisdom in our spiritual practices. So many of us do a beautiful job of listening to and protecting the earth; water needs this same attention. Beyond the environmental issues related to water, when we craft our magic in extractive ways that aren't aligned with the true needs of water, our magic won't be as potent. So if you're a fan of moon water or water essences, read on. 

You can do many things to protect and restore water, even from your home. If you're using tap water or even special bottled water for your moon water or any other ritual water, the water is essentially dead. Yes, it may be able to hold some of the intentions you infuse into it temporarily, but it likely will not stay. Here are four ways to start caring for water and restoring it to its full vibrancy.  

- If it is accessible and safe, stop buying bottled water. Bottled water companies do not make water. They make plastic bottles and often use tap water or stolen water. There are situations where bottled water cannot be avoided, like the racist water crises in Flint, MI, and Jackson, MS, in the US. If you need clean water and the only accessible and safe water is bottled water, buy it without shame.

- Collect your drinking water from living springs when safe and accessible. Go to findaspring.com to learn where your closest spring is. Sadly, many areas are not close to an accessible spring. If you are, that's great! Use it, share about it, and protect it. Most fresh spring water is ideal for drinking water and great for your water magic. 

- Revive your tap water with simple or complex tools. If you're immersed in the world of water, it seems like more and more water tools are available on the market daily. You can spend A LOT of money on this, but many things that restore water can be done with simple and inexpensive tools. The best way to bring water back to life is to let it swirl and spiral like it does in nature and remineralize it, which can be done with a handheld frother and some sea salt. If you want to get fancy with it, I love my Mayu Swirl and Hi-Lyte drops. You can also find loads of water tools in Isabel's shop here. 

- Listen to water, love water, and protect water. Your water is alive! Commune with her, spend time with her, talk to her, and give her love. You are a body of water yourself, so extend this to yourself as well. When we commune with water, we'll know how to better care for her and ourselves. I learned from Isabel that the words that uplift water the most are "Thank you. I love you. I respect you." Every time I pour a glass of water for myself or my kids, I try to do so with intention and repeat to the water, "Thank you. I love you. I respect you." I do this as an offering to the water and my own body of water. 

3. Imprinting water rituals

Now that you know more about co-collaborating with water working with water in your magic and ritual will be even more special. There are so many magical uses for water in ritual. I invite you to be like water in your exploration of using water in ritual–playful and creative. Try to use living water whenever possible for imprinting water and using it for ritual. This can be water from a spring, a natural body of water (if you're not drinking it or know it is safe to drink), or water you've revitalized yourself. The care you take to collect and prepare your water is part of the ritual.

As mentioned above, imprinting your water can be as simple as sending it loving words as you pour, hold, and drink it. Here are other ways to imprint or work with water in ritual. 

- Create a water altar or water offering. Creating a special place in your home to honor your water is a beautiful way to deepen your relationship with water. You can have a permanent water alter, create a temporary one as a water offering, or both! Explore this more deeply in a past post I shared for the Autumn Equinox here. 

- Intentional drinking water. Write words you'd like to infuse into your water on the paper and place it on, under, or near your water. I also suggest focusing on your words of intention as you hold and drink the water. Here's an example of some of my ritual drinking water. 

- Moon water. Place a vessel of water under the moon for a night. It's common to see folks place their water out for the full moon, but I encourage you to be intentional about placing your water under the moon. You may find that the waxing or waning energy of a specific moon phase in a specific sign may serve your needs better. Learn more about the energy of each moon phase here. 

- Floral water and water essences. Water can pick up the energy of anything, not just the moon and your words of affirmation. If you practice working with trees, flowers, and herbs, these can also imprint water with its energy creating an essence. There are many different kinds of water essence and imprint practices. Some use the plant's energy solely to imprint the water, while others use this and pieces or extract from the plant. 

I love the work of Annwyn Avalon for even more in-depth ritual practices for water. She has a couple of wonderful books available as well.  

We have much to learn from water in both the mundane and otherworldly realms. I hope this share has inspired you to deepen your relationship with water spiritually and in your daily use of water. You are water, and water is life. 

Protection Magic with DIY Witch Bells

There are so many ways to celebrate the season of Samhain, and protection magic is a common theme. With the veil between the spirit and physical realm at its thinnest, it offers us a time to connect with loved ones in spirit, but it can also give rise to unwanted energies and spirits. Taking time to bring in additional energetic protection for yourself and your home is an easy way to address this and honor the season. 

I love to do a full house cleansing and blessing for Samhain, which you can learn more about in this past post. After performing a house cleansing and blessings is a great time to introduce additional protection magic like witch bells. 

Bells have been and still are used by many cultures for various spiritual practices, and they’re a standard tool for most witches and folk magic practitioners. Bells are a common cleansing tool, and the loud sound is said to scare off malevolent spirits. 

My favorite thing about witch bells is that you can be so creative with them and customize them, both in appearance and in intention, in so many ways. I’m going to share general steps to craft your witch bells so that you can create protective witch bells that work for you and your space. Here are some general considerations for all magic making. 

The efficacy of your spellwork and magic will consistently increase when you co-create with items with which you have an established relationship. If you’re wondering how to have a relationship with a tree or a stone, here are some simple options. 

• Meditate to connect with the energy of the plant or item.

• Spend more time with the plant or object. 

• Give offerings to the plant or item.   

• Always ask permission before taking things from a living plant or tree. 

You don’t need to use the same items I use for my witch bells. I encourage you to use items unique to your environment and needs. If there are plants, stones, or things that represent safety, protection, and clearing to you, that is great. Use those. 

DIY Witch Bells

You’ll need the following: 

• 30-90 minutes

• String, yarn, or ribbon of choice

• 5-10 bells 

• Optional: incense or herbs to energetically cleanse your items

• Optional: Something to hang your bells from, like a wooden circle, a pentacle, or something else that fits your needs. 

• Optional: Any additional items (crystals, beads, stones, plant items, etc.) that correspond with your intention.

Watch the steps in action here.

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A post shared by Cassie Uhl (@cassieuhl)

Steps: 

1. Take some time to plan your specific intentions for your witch bells and prepare all of your items. Consider energetically cleansing your items before you begin with smoke, incense, or something else in your practice. 

2. If you’re crafting something to hang your string from, do that now. I used fallen apple tree twigs to make a circle and a pentacle. This was the most time-consuming part for me! I am pleased with how it turned out, but wood circles or mini wreaths can be purchased at most craft stores if you want to go an easier route. You can also opt to make a loop out of your string and skip the circle. 

3. It’s time to attach your strings or ribbons. I made simple loops to secure mine, but you could also tie them onto your circle. As you begin knotting and tying, it’s an excellent time to start focusing on your intention for your bells. You could visualize an auric energy field growing around your house, offering greater protection and peace. You could also envision inviting any healed and well ancestors into your home and blocking any who are not. 

Tip: Consider your color choice for your string and ribbon. Each color carries a different energy. I used black and a deep red for grounding and protection. 

4. Now, you can attach your bells. Use any bells you prefer. You may need to tie them on or use pliers. Add as many as you like, and keep your intentions in your mind. You could even repeat a chant to increase the energy. 

5. If you’ve opted to add extra items like stones, beads, or plant items, do that now. I tied Rowan tree berries and Hawthorne tree thorns into my ribbon and strings for additional protection and grounding. 

6. When your witch bells feel complete, hold them in your hand, focus on your intention, and consider reciting a particular phrase like, “Protect and bless this house, so it is,” or anything else that feels good to you. 

7. You’re all done! Hang your bells on your front door knob. Consider charging it under full moons or giving it a good energetic cleanse every once in a while to keep them happy. 

Wishing you a magical Samhain! Check out more posts about Samhain here.

What are Death Doulas and Why we Need Them

It's time to call in our demons around death and dying. They need healing and nourishment. As we continue to walk through a world steeped in an ebb and flow of grief and death, we have an opportunity to address our relationship with death and dying. Not only do we need to address these wounds to better equip us to care for our dying, but I believe there's also a well of healing to be found within nourishing our wounds around death. Addressing our relationship to death and dying is one way to do this. Addressing how we care for the dying is another way to do this. 

In this share, I'll offer some personal thoughts on why so many of us have a difficult relationship with death, especially in the West, opportunities and ways to heal our connection with death and the benefits of doing so. You'll also learn what a death doula or end-of-life doula is and their role in the dying process. 

Listen to this post on my podcast here.

If you think this doesn't seem like a very spiritual topic, that's precisely why I'm talking about it. We're all going to die, even you, and if our spiritual practices only encompass life, then we're missing a huge portion of wisdom by avoiding talking and thinking about death. If you have anxiety about your mortality, and the mere mention of discussing death stirs internal fear and anxiety, you are not alone. I encourage you to stick around. I, too, used to have intense fear and anxiety about dying. 

I spent a large part of my adolescence and young adulthood holding onto an intense fear and anxiety around dying. It caused me sleepless nights and even altered my plans from time to time. The worst part was that I didn't feel like there was anyone I could talk to about these fears. I knew they were deeply irrational and therefore spent most of my time trying to block these feelings, making them even more debilitating. 

It wasn't until I was faced with death through the loss of my beloved grandmother and father within two months of each other that my thoughts and feelings about death slowly began to shift and change. I witnessed firsthand how dysfunctional our relationship with death is as I watched much of my family spiral into chaos with little support. Within the depths of my grief, something in me was cracked open. The tears from my sadness slowly eroded away my long-held fears about dying. The deep grief I experienced from these losses opened a pathway for healing my relationship with death and dying, and it also showed me the need for better death care. 

This theme is reflected in the wise quote by Rumi, "The wound is the place where the light enters you." The wounds we face at different points in life can have the potential to grow and heal parts of ourselves when we have the time and space to do so. Of course, it also needs to be noted that having the time and space to heal our wounds when they arise is a privilege in and of itself and one that not all have access to. 

The healing I experienced around death was not immediate. It slowly unraveled as I rode the waves of grief over several years, leaned into therapy, and explored death through my spiritual practice. My healing around death is still ongoing today. Like all healing, there's no finish line but a continuous spiral of growth and learning. Though I no longer experience the fear and anxiety of my inevitable death, I continue to find ways to challenge and heal my relationship with death and dying. Which, today looks like talking about death more and uprooting and untangling patriarchy and white and human supremacy from how I see and experience death. I've learned that the wise woman within me knows that death is a natural and even beautiful part of the cycle, not a failure as patriarchy would have us see it, which brings me to some thoughts on how we got here. 

How did we get here, and why we need death doulas so badly right now?

In my personal experience with death and dying, combined with my spiritual practice and end-of-life doula training, I've realized that many of us carry a wound around death, and why wouldn't we? We rarely talk about it, our society, by and large, aims to remove death from sight, and many view it as a failure rather than a natural part of life. For example, phrases like "so and so lost their battle to cancer" imply that certain kinds of deaths are a failure instead of normal and natural parts of being human.

It goes much deeper than our simple avoidance of the topic. Wounds around death are yet another side effect of patriarchy, white supremacy, human supremacy, colonization, capitalism, and the suppression of earth-based, often Goddess-based, spiritual practices. Patriarchy and all of the supremacies live in a linear framework that always aims for more growth, creating a path that only leads up to more, more, more. Linearity leaves no room for death, individually or as a society. When our systems are set up to sidestep death and dying, it can feel challenging to embrace or even discuss death and dying because the systems in which we live do not allow space for it. 

Our linear-focused society has been detrimental to ourselves, the planet, and all of its inhabitants. It reminds me of something I hear echoed by many of my anti-racism and decolonial teachers like Thérèse Cator and Dr. Rocio Rosalez Meza, which is the idea that due to white supremacy, white folks, especially, are cut off from our humanity. This couldn't be more clear than our relationship with death. Death is a natural part of being alive. Yet, our focus on supremacy and linearity strips us of our connection to death and its inherent wisdom. Though I don't think wounds around death are exclusive to white folks, I do think it's more prevalent. Our severed relationship with death and dying is yet another way we’ve been cut off from our humanity. 

These ideas are a very condensed explanation of a much larger issue in which I am not an expert. In my study of anti-oppression work, death, and my spiritual practice, I've come to these conclusions. I encourage you to explore your ideas and learn from teachers who speak on the topic, especially those in the BIPOC community doing this kind of work. 

Healing death wounds

So, where do we go from here? Here's a quote from one of my favorite books titled Mysteries of the Dark Moon by Demetra George, which is where I found the inspiration for the opening of this share, and I find she illustrates perfectly our need to heal our wounds around death. 

"We must call our demons in from the backyard where they've been starved and banished into the leaking doghouse. We must welcome them in the warmth of our kitchens and feed them the foods that will heal their wounds of rejection. As we cleanse our inner images of the Dark Goddess through loving and accepting her, we will notice a corresponding decrease in the fear, anger, rejections, failure, disappointment, deceptions and hatred that we experience as part of our outer reality. In this way we reach the original true essence of the dark feminine that exists within us, an essence that is unclouded by layers of distortion." 

Mysteries of the Dark Moon by Demetra George

I think this is a beautiful and powerful starting point. We must begin to call in death and invite death into our hearts and homes to heal our wounds around it. In doing so, we can become more whole. Furthermore, I find that addressing our relationship with death and dying in relation to where we are now as a collective is imperative and can give us the tools needed to remain grounded and useful in uncertain times. None of us are immune to the effects of climate collapse, and even if you've yet to be affected by it, it will affect all of us at some point, and grief and death will no doubt be a natural outcome. 

Like our more than human plant and animal kin, death is an integral part of our cycle. It's easy to see the value of death in the natural cycles of plants and animals. Death is a needed part of the cycle that offers rest, decomposition, nourishment, and, eventually, rebirth. Though we've tried, we are not separate from this web, death will come for each of us, and it can have meaning too. Healing our relationship with death can have as much value for us today as the day we take our last breath. The sooner we each face our demons around death and dying, the more fully we can live in a world inundated with death. 

This isn't to say that all deaths are fair and just. Absolutely not. The devastation we've already seen due to climate change disproportionately affects people of color and historically marginalized communities who have contributed the least to climate change. We should continue to fight against it. Changing our relationship with death can give us the tools to navigate these times and enable us to continue striving toward a more just and livable world rather than resulting to fight, flight, or freeze.

When we see ourselves as part of the web and cycles inherent in the earth, we can learn from the wisdom death has to offer. Healing our wounds around death can give us the resources and words we need so badly right now, resources like understanding living cyclically, being able to take ownership over our role in the current death cult of white supremacy, human supremacy, and patriarchy, the ability to be fully present with our human kin in their death phase, and understanding the need for contraction and death in our day to day lives and work. Healing our wounds around death gives us the language we need when we know we must step back from work, relationships, and the grind of living in a capitalist society. 

We need to learn how to live in a world where excess death seems impossible to avoid. We must learn to be in a world that asks us to walk alongside death. And that is a big ask. 

Death card from Journey Tarot by Cassie Uhl

Let's talk solutions and explore how death doulas can be one part of helping us heal our wounds around death and dying. 

Death doulas, death midwives, and death walkers

An obvious place to begin healing our relationship with death is to offer better care to those dying. Anytime I bring up the term "death doula," people are immediately curious. This curiosity shows me how eager many are to have a better relationship with death. People are starting to see the benefits of discussing death more, planning for it, and offering more emotional and spiritual support for those at the end of life. Physical care from hospice and spiritual care offered by organized religion is no longer enough for most of us. In 2021 only 29% of people in the US identified as religious. We need more when it comes to facing our own deaths and the deaths of our loved ones. 

I had the unique back-to-back experience of being with my grandmother during her death due to terminal cancer and my father's sudden and unexpected death due to a heart attack. I experienced firsthand how each kind of death, known and sudden, affected our family and me. While walking through these experiences, I learned a lot of things, but what stood out to me the most was the extreme lack of emotional and spiritual support for the dying and their loved ones. I also learned that death tends to bring out the worst in caregivers (likely due to lack of support) and that, due to my spiritual practices, I was able to remain relatively grounded in these environments.

After these experiences and other family deaths in the subsequent years, I knew I was supposed to be working with those on their death journey and talking about it more. When I heard the term "death doula" in 2019, I knew it would be part of my path, and I completed my end-of-life doula training with INELDA in 2021 and am currently in the process of completing my certification. Let's dive into what a death doula is and how they can offer support. 

What is a death doula? 

Before I share more about what a death doula is and does, there are three important things I'd like you to keep in mind. 

1. First, though the phrase "death doula" may be relatively new, it's important to mention that the role a death doula offers is not new at all. In many indigenous communities, there have been and still are many acting as "death doulas" far earlier than the term was coined. 

2. Second, there's currently no standardization or regulation over the death doula field, so the scope and quality of training vary. I urge anyone curious about hiring a death doula to research where they were trained. This isn't to say that formal training and certification are a must, as mentioned above, but be sure to do your research before hiring someone. 

3. Hospice does an incredible job of ensuring that those at the end of life are physically comfortable. Whether or not someone wants medication to aid their comfort as they die is a personal choice and not something in which a death doula should have any say. The death doula's role is to support the dying person's wishes, whatever they are, which includes any other support team that is part of that person's team. 

The simple explanation of a death doula is someone who offers non-medical, emotional, and spiritual support to the dying person and loved ones. But this usually leaves people with even more questions, so let's dig deeper. 

In my training, the role of the death doula was broken up into three tiers with several subcategories, which I'll share a bit about here. 

1. Summing up and planning

I see this as one of the most important areas of the death doula model. It gives those dying time to explore meaning in their life, address unfinished business, create legacy projects, and plan for their death. These are many of the areas that hospice teams simply do not have time for and areas that may be too difficult for families and loved ones to address on their own. Summing up and planning requires time and the ability to listen deeply and non-judgmentally. 

The death doula offers deep active listening to their clients, giving them the time and space to think and share about some of the most important moments in their lives. Summing up in this way can uncover parts of their lives that they wish to address before they die, allowing time for addressing regrets, healing, or making amends. It's also a way to determine what legacy projects may benefit the client and their loved ones. 

Legacy projects can range from scrapbooks and video recordings of special stories to collaborative art projects that preserve important parts of the dying person's life or personality that can live on for the family. A study conducted in 2008 by a group of palliative doctors showed that those who were dying and their caregivers who participated in legacy projects showed a decrease in stress and an increase in physical well-being. A tremendous amount of focus is given to the physical comfort of those dying. While comfort is certainly important, implementing a legacy project gives those dying and their families something else to focus on that can have a long-lasting and meaningful effect on all involved. 

Finally, the death doula gives clients time and space to explore how they want their death to look and feel. They may discuss what sites, sounds, and scents they'd like present while they're dying. Who they want to be there or not for their death and if they'd like any special rituals to take place before and after their transition. Not only does this give those facing the end of life comfort that their death will look and feel how they want it to, but it gives them back a valuable sense of control. This kind of care and attention has become common practice with birth and the role of the birth doula. Why wouldn't we extend this same time and planning into our deaths? 

2. Vigil Support

When death is imminent, it's time for the vigil or death labor. The vigil is the time when the dying person is on their final journey toward death, which can last one to several days. At this point, the death doula will help ensure that the dying person's wishes for their death are implemented. This doesn't necessarily mean that the death doula will be "in charge" or doing everything. It means they will help support the other caregivers in implementing the dying person's wishes. 

Support could be through offering respite for the family, planning, creating schedules, facilitating rituals, or simply holding calm and grounded space for the dying person and their family. It's also quite possible that the family won't need the help of a doula to do this. Some families may feel able to implement things on their own. The amount of support each person receives will be unique. 

A death doula can also help offer non-medical comfort care to the dying person by facilitating guided visualization meditations and, for those trained, energy healing, a service I include for those who want it. Finally, the death doula can also offer the family the important service of respite. 

3. Early Grief Reprocessing

The final portion of care that the death doula extends is early grief reprocessing for any loved ones or caregivers who want it. Early grief reprocessing is also a wonderful option for those who've experienced the sudden death of someone they love. Similar to the first stage of summing up and planning, the primary role of the death doula is to offer non-judgmental, deep active listening to loved ones. 

Early grief reprocessing allows time for family and caregivers to recount some of the most meaningful and difficult experiences they had during the death of their loved one. This time may even uncover a desire to create legacy projects or rituals of their own based on the experience of their loved one dying. For those who experienced the sudden death of a loved one, this can allow time to recount and explore the feelings associated with the death and open up pathways to bring meaning and ritual into the experience. 

Grief reprocessing usually lasts 2-3 sessions and is not intended to replace a grief therapist but may be a stepping stone to traditional therapy for some. A primary benefit of the death doula offering this service is that, at this point, families will have been working with the same death doula for an extended time already. This report allows them to recount important moments during the death of their loved one with someone they already know and went through some of the same experiences with. 

Death doulas outside of active dying

As I mentioned earlier, you will see a lot of variety in how death doulas serve their communities. This variety is for a couple of reasons. First is the lack of standardization and regulation in the field. Second, each death doula brings unique skills. Some end-of-life doulas may focus more on a specific area. For example, I offer energy healing and energetic assistance in transitioning for clients who want it. That is certainly not a requirement or something all death doulas will offer! Some death doulas only work with pets and pet owners, while others may only focus on the summing up and planning area. Each doula is unique.

There are also many roles that a death doula can fill outside of assisting those who are actively dying. This is a big reason why this work called to me. I see a huge need for more discussion and space holding around death for the living, so I've created a separate offering called the "Death Exploration Container." In this offering, I assist and hold space for folks who want to contemplate and plan for their inevitable death. Not in a legal way but in emotional and spiritual ways by providing proper nervous system tending while approaching topics around mortality.

This experience will look different for each person, which is why I include a free consultation call before you book. This service could explore any of the following themes: exploring the meaning in your life, embarking on guided meditations to reflect upon how it might feel to be faced with a terminal illness, identifying and addressing regrets, thinking about and planning for how you'd ideally like your death to look and feel if allowed to do so, frameworks for beginning legacy projects for yourself, and exploring what rituals you might like to be a part of your death. 

You don't have to wait until you're dying to start planning for your death. Many of us won't have the luxury of knowing when and how we will die. Planning for death is not only one of the best gifts you can give to your loved ones, but it's also a huge gift you can give yourself. If you've sat down to think about your own death, you probably already know this, but for many, this feels like a huge and scary task! I used to think I would die if I planned my death. I know I'm not the only one who's thought this! Let me be the one to tell you that planning for your death will not make you die, at least not right away. I mean, we're all going to die eventually. But, thinking about and planning for your death can give you peace and begin building a foundation to call in and heal our wounds around death and dying. 

This share has already become much longer than I anticipated, so I think I need to stop at this but know I have more to share! I look forward to talking more about finding and honoring all of the mini-deaths that happen within our lives and celebrating them as a right of passage. Let me leave you with some resources if you feel compelled to explore this topic more. 

Of course, if you are interested in working with me in either of these ways, click here to learn more or to schedule a free consultation call. I went through the program with INELDA, the International End of Life Doula Association. I highly recommend it and thoroughly enjoyed it. It is also very affordable. The founder of INELDA, Henry Fersko-Weiss, also has a book that dives deeper into many of the topics shared here, Finding Peace at the End of Life. I've just started the book Death Nesting by Anne-Marie Keppel and am loving it. From a spiritual standpoint, I highly recommend the book Mysteries of the Dark Moon by Demetra George. Finally, here are some of my favorite death accounts to follow on Instagram @the.death.empath, @cait.deatheducation, @going_with_grace, and @deatwives. This is a short list, and there are sooooo many more great accounts.

If you received something from this share, please share it with someone who may enjoy it too.

Water Offering for The Autumn Equinox

The Autumn Equinox, which usually falls between September 20-23 in the Northern Hemisphere, shifts us westward on our seasonal wheel. The west corresponds to the element of water in most mystical and earth-based spiritual practices. It signals a time to start moving inward after the busyness and activity of the spring and summer months. 

Wheel of the Year from Understanding the Wheel of the Year by Cassie Uhl

In this short share, I’m offering you a simple ritual to honor water with an offering to the water spirits and a message from water that I received. This ritual is one way to mark the shift in seasons, welcome the element of water into your home, and give thanks for its healing gifts and life. 

Water Offering Ritual

I encourage you to make this water offering ritual your own as much as possible and use these steps as a framework. The more personal you make this ritual, the more meaningful it will be. Watch my water offering ritual here. 

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A post shared by Cassie Uhl (@cassieuhl)

You’ll need: 

• A vessel or bowl to hold some water

• Enough water to fill your vessel (spring water, water from a moving creek or river, or water that you’ve structured is ideal)

• Plant items from outside that have either fallen naturally or that you’ve asked permission to gather from your environment

• Optional: a few drops of special water you have on hand like moon water or water from a special location

• Optional: any corresponding decorations or crystals to add in or around your water vessel. For crystals, moonstone, quartz, smoky quartz, and rutilated quartz are all great options. 

Steps: 

1. Collect your items with care and intention, and have them ready and organized nearby before you begin. 

2. Spend 3-5 minutes centering yourself, grounding, and connecting with your breath and body in a way that feels good to you. 

3. Cleanse the space, yourself, and your items using a cleansing method of choice. Mugwort smoke is a great option for this particular ritual as it corresponds with water, but any cleansing herb will do. 

4. Set up your water vessel and any accompanying crystals or items intuitively. You could place some crystals in your vessel if there is space. 

5. It is time to pour your water into your vessel. Before you do so, hold your water, feel connected to your earth and your body, and infuse the water with love, respect, or anything else you feel called to add. Feel the energy flowing from your body into the water. Pour your water into your vessel, continuing to infuse it with an energy of love and respect. 

6. Add any items on top of your water, like leaves, herbs, or flowers, with the intention of each item being a gift to water. 

7. Now it is time to invite in the water spirits and thank them. Do this in a way that feels meaningful to you. You could keep it short and sweet by saying, “I invite in the water of the west for the Autumn Equinox and thank you for your healing,” or you could share a poem, a longer statement, or even a dance with the water. The point of this is to invite in, connect with, and thank the water spirits for this change of season. 

8. Consider spending some time here with your water to notice any shifts or changes in your energy or environment. You could also spend some time meditating, journaling, or creating. When you feel ready to end the ritual, thank the water spirits for joining you. 

9. You can keep your water vessel up for as long as you’d like, filling it anytime it becomes low and connecting with it often. Keep it up for a full lunar cycle or until the next full moon is a great option. 

10. When you feel ready to deconstruct your water offering, pour it outside back into the earth while giving it thanks. 

Message from Water

I dissolve, swirl, and heal. I am both forceful and passive. Feel my soft spirals erode and bring what is ready to heal to the surface. Feel my wild and raging storms returning you to the womb of the earth. I am mystery. I am healer. I am life, and I am the harbinger of death. Respect me and honor my sovereignty. In doing so, you will honor yourself.

Water element card from The Ritual Deck.

If you’d like to learn more about the Autumn Equinox and ways to celebrate the season, click here for past blog posts.

Learn more about the magic of water in this past post by Jen Isabel Friend. 

Equinox blessings! Xoxo Cassie