Journey to the Grandmothers

The Weird Sisters. Johann Heinrich Fussli. 1783. Public Domain Wikimedia Commons.

It can be too easy to forget that you, all of us, are supported in both seen and unseen realms. It’s so important in times such as these that we remember and have space to feel the support of our guides, allies, and ancestors who deeply desire to help support and guide you in this life. The undercurrent beckoning us to consume or produce constantly, all in the name of making money, can easily sever us from this deep truth. 

I was recently guided to connect with three wise grandmothers on a spiritual journey. Their messages were clear, “Slow down, let us support you at this time. You are not meant to do this alone.” 

In this short share, I offer you the story of how I was guided to connect with these three grandmothers, the wisdom they provided, and insight from them via a chat with the tarot.

Here’s our chat. Click below to listen. Transcript coming soon.

Magical Allies for Grief with Ashley Leavy

Welcome beloveds. Today, I’m bringing you a conversation with my dear friend, Ashley Leavy, that feels like a needed love offering at this tender time. In this episode, we talk about magical allies for grief, primarily crystals and stones, but plants and trees also weave into the conversation. We discuss a few crystals that can be wonderful allies in working with grief, navigating ethics while working with crystals, and leaning on your intuition when deciding how to connect with different energies for support while grieving. 

I hope you enjoy listening to this conversation as much as I enjoyed having it and perhaps find some invitations to tend to your grief at this time. Ashley and I have been friends for several years now. I have so much love and respect for her as a person, healer, and teacher, and I am honored to share some of her wisdom with you. 

Ashley Leavy is one of the world’s top crystal healing experts and educators, and author of Crystals for Energy Healing and Cosmic Crystals. Ashley’s passion for crystal healing drives her role as Founder & Educational Director of the Love & Light School of Crystal Therapy. Ashley has created dozens of award-winning, online courses that are fun, educational, and life-transforming, the Love & Light School has quickly grown into a thriving international community.

Here’s our chat. Click below to listen. Keep scrolling to read the transcript.

The following is an unedited transcript. Grammar and spelling errors may be present.

Cassie: Welcome, Ashley.

I'm so glad you're here. Longtime friend of mine, so what a treat to have you on here.

Ashley: It's so nice to get to talk like this. 

Cassie: Yes, it is. We've been talking behind the scenes for many years, and so it does feel special to, be talking here in a more public space together, 

Ashley: yeah.

Cassie: I would love for you to share, a little bit about your lineage, and that can be either your ancestral lineage, or your teaching lineage, or both, but just a little bit about, what's shaped your work and brought you here to this space in your journey. 

Ashley: I think it's a little bit of a combination of things. In terms of my ancestral lineage, what I do is crystal healing. That's mainly the thing that I'm focused on in my work. And that stems back to a lot of summer afternoons spent at my grandma and grandpa's house. My grandfather was a scientist. He was a chemical engineer by trade.

That's what he did, but he was really interested in all things having to do with the natural world. So he was very interested in crystals and minerals. He was also interested in rainfall. And to the point where This man, he was so cute. He would go walk down by the pond near his house every single day and count the number of geese while they were migrating so he could track the goose migration year over year, make little charts and data plots of how many geese, and I just love that kind of thing about him.

So he always approached things from a very sort of scientific mindset. I tend to approach things more from a spirituality mindset. But it was him who I think really instilled that love of nature and the land with me from a really young age. And so we would sit in his office for hours sometimes and he'd show me the different mineral specimens he had in his collection and tell me where they came from and what they were used for and what they were made of and how they got their color and all these things that just seemed so fascinating to me as a kid and really got me started on this path.

So it became a personal practice for many years to work with my crystals. And the first book that I came across that was really about the energy of crystals was by the author Melody. It was the Love is in the Earth book. A kaleidoscope of crystals, and I found out that someone that Melody had trained, was going to be teaching her methodology of crystal healing, where I lived here in Madison, Wisconsin, and I was so excited.

I had to go. I didn't think I wanted to do crystal healing for my work. It was totally just personal practice at that point. This was back in like 2007 and taking that workshop totally. Changed my whole life. I saw firsthand from the experiences that I had from the experiences of other people in that class setting, just how powerful crystals could be when we worked in relationship with them.

And that kind of got me started on a journey to learn. More and more so, although that was where I started in terms of my lineage, I ended up going on to study with Melody quite a few times. I found so many supportive teachers along the way, like Dale Walker and Judy Hall and lots of others that I feel Really lucky to have been able to take classes with some in person, some online.

but all of that has really shaped my personal work because I think a lot of times our teachers can give us. A great starting point for, how to work with our tools. And it's up to us to hone that practice and find something that works for us. 

Cassie: Beautiful. I love hearing all those different pieces of your story and how they weave together and how it started with your grandfather's love of connecting with the land.

That's so beautiful. And just Hearing the richness of your lineage of how you got to where you are, I think it's so important to honor these places where we've come from, so I appreciate hearing a little bit more about your path and your journey. 

Ashley: Yeah, it's so interesting because although Crystal Healing has this really deep, rich history, It really had like a modern day resurgence in the 1980s, 90s, and so a lot of how we think about practicing with crystals today is really informed by that and was shaped by that, but I think with that also created this.

Unspoken set of rigid rules and structure about how something should be. And so I'm sort of unlearning all of that and reclaiming a little bit of the experimentation and play and connection with my stones. 

Cassie: Hmm. Also so needed. Yes, that experimentation in play. And I already know you know this, but just to say it out loud for this episode that I definitely resonate with all of the unlearning that goes along with, really creating a magical practice of your own or a spiritual practice of your own.

And it's. Really empowering too. And it's it doesn't have to be one or the other. It can be our lineage and our ancestry along with, our own personal discoveries and our practices. Okay, we could go on talking about that forever, but 

So before we jump into talking about grief and crystals, I would love to hear a little bit just about the land that you're currently residing on, whose land it is, and maybe any wisdom that the season's sharing with you.

And this is a practice that I learned from Dr. Rocio Rosales Mesa. So I just want to credit her, and bringing this question here to us. 

Ashley: I love this question so much. I live in present day Madison, Wisconsin, known as Dayjope, which is forcefully ceded Ho Chunk land. and I think in terms of something that I'm learning from the season right now, It's a lot of letting go, a lot of recognizing the deep wisdom and the cycles that the land has to offer us, recognizing that, as well as the abundant times, the plentiful times, the very joyous times, there's Always still space within that joy for grief and vice versa when we're deep in our grief when we're deep in the leaner times when we're deep in the stillness, we can also find moments of joy.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing, the land and the season sort of hold space for us to be full and complete and just feel the way that we're feeling. 

Cassie: Thank you for sharing those lessons. 

Here, where I am on Miami land, in so called Indiana, it is very humid and hot today and the land is continuing to give me these beautiful lessons of how much the earth loves us because the earth continues to provide for us even amidst all of the change, the rapid change that we're experiencing in our climate and in the land.

Ashley: Yeah, that's beautiful. Thank you.

Cassie: Before we start discussing, getting into different crystals that one might want to work with when they're walking a grief journey. I'd love to just hear a little bit from you, your personal practice of ways to work with crystals ethically and ways that are rooted in reciprocity and relationship.

Cause I just feel like that's a really. Great foundation to start any conversation when we're talking about crystals and stones because it can be really hard to work with crystals and stones ethically. And I also want to say that this is a huge topic, not something that we can fully Piece apart and expand upon in this episode, but, I have a feeling that you might have other resources, and that I can link those in the show notes because this is such a broad topic.

Ashley: yeah, I'm really glad that you asked this question. It comes up a lot when we're looking at working with crystals, right? With anything that we work with in our lives, there is a cost. There is a trade off and crystals are no different from that. They come from the land. They are the land themselves.

so when we are sourcing our crystals when we're purchasing our crystals, it's helpful to know whether or not those crystals have been sourced as ethically as possible. And this is a phrase that I've started using after lots of conversations with my dear friend, Nicholas Pearson, who's an amazing crystal author.

because there, there may not actually really be any truly ethically sourced crystals. And so we need to look at several different factors when we're choosing them. First and foremost, were the people who were mining those crystals in safe working conditions. That's something we want to consider.

Were the people who were mining those crystals paid fairly for their labor? That's a really big consideration. because we don't want physical extraction of the minerals and also extraction of someone's labor and safety. Third, was any child labor used in the mining of those crystals? Because this happens way more than it should.

So much more than most people know, especially from certain locations, we see this. Predominantly, in specific countries in Africa, but not it doesn't mean every crystal that comes from there. It uses child labor. It just means it's more common there. And then fourth, what's the environmental impact of those stones being mined?

A lot of people think, how can we do healing work with crystals when we've taken them from the earth? We ripped them from the earth. This isn't sustainable. This isn't, an ethical practice, environmentally detrimental, but. Yeah. The truth is most crystals that are on the market, so to speak, are secondary to whatever the intended purpose of that mine was, which is usually some sort of ore or something that we need for, electronics industry, things like that.

For the most part. This isn't always true, but for the most part, the crystals are not the primary thing that is being sought out. So I think it's really important to recognize that, and a lot of people will say things like, I don't want to work with crystals because they're not ethical. you and I are sitting here chatting, on the internet, on our computers right now.

We all have cell phones or iPads or whatever we have. The minerals and the mining practices that go into creating those things are so much more detrimental than The crystals that we work with for healing for again, for the most part speaking pretty broadly. So I think when we are choosing our crystals, we need to be really, mindful and ask good questions.

Those four questions. Are they, are the workers safe? Are the workers paid fairly? No child labor used. And what's the environmental impact? I also think that because in this industry, people know that. Ethical sourcing is important to a lot of consumers. People are throwing around terms like ethically sourced or consciously sourced without really.

Answering those four questions. consciously sourced, especially it's like a red flag term for me, because what does that really mean? and some places are better than others. Some sources will really discuss their practices for sourcing, how they vet their suppliers, all that stuff. That's great.

But as a consumer asks those questions, don't just ask, is this an ethically sourced crystal? Because a lot of times the answer you'll get is just yes. in what ways is it ethically sourced? so this is really important to ask. And in a conversation that Nicholas Pearson and I had on my podcast in the past, he said, probably the most ethically sourced crystal you could get is the one that you walk out into your backyard and pick up off the ground.

You're not, in the process, destroying any of the plant life or animals. You're not. Contributing to soil erosion, anything like that, you know where it came from, you know how it was sourced, you know everything about it. when we're sourcing crystals, as ethically as possible. this is really important.

And that goes for the mining practice as well as the manufacturing practice. If it was cut, polished, wherever, what's happening with those workers? What's happening with the labor there, the safety conditions, the pay, the environmental impact of that, thinking about where they come from and how far they're shipped, right?

So there's a huge benefit to working with crystals from our local landscape, just as there is from eating locally. 

Cassie: Absolutely. I love what you said about sourcing crystals that are as ethical as possible. I feel like that's a really important distinction. And it's honestly one of the reasons why I stopped selling crystals because I grappled with it so much. Because it is so hard and even asking sometimes it's hard to get straight answers from people. And 

I found that My crystal collection is smaller, but the crystals that I do have or find, because I am a big proponent of letting them find me out in nature, that the relationships that I have with them are so much deeper and more meaningful, even though my collection is a little bit smaller. So there can really be, even though we might not have the biggest, sparkliest collection of crystals, it can still be really, healing and powerful and meaningful. 

Ashley: Absolutely. Some of my favorite stones are ones that I found when I was on, like a road trip with my mom or something like that, where the stone just comes to you.

And it's just like working with plants in that regard, asking permission before you take a stone, both of the stone itself of the land of the landscape. And of course. for legal reasons of the land owners, unfortunately, but that's something that we also need to consider. You can't just go to a state park and pick up a rock.

Cassie: Absolutely. thank you for putting all of that. I know that was a lot of research that you compiled into a really short snippet, because like I said, working with crystals as ethically as possible is such a huge topic. So thank you for bringing all that in into such bite sized pieces for us.

Those are very actionable things that I think a lot of people will appreciate being able to take away. 

Ashley: You're welcome. And I think the most important thing I want to leave people with on that is do your research, ask the questions when you're purchasing those crystals, and just have some awareness, think things through where things are coming from, and don't just take that ethical, ethically sourced label at face value.

Cassie: Absolutely. I agree. 

 Let's talk a little bit about, stones and crystals that Are supportive for grief work. and of course, grief work can run the gamut. grief shows up in our lives in all different ways, not in just the loss of a loved one. but I think, I know for me, I've definitely worked with crystals throughout my various grief journeys. And so I'd love to hear a little bit about your experience and any that you suggest or recommend folks work with. 

Ashley: Yeah, so there are definitely always a few that come to mind for me. One of the ones that I love is Spirit Quartz. Spirit Quartz is a beautiful variety of amethyst, often with some golden iron staining.

And it typically forms in small points or clusters where The main crystals are entirely covered on all their sides by little baby crystals. And then the large crystal termination of the main crystal pokes out of the top. and it's, I think one of the best all around stones for grief. if you've been experiencing grief of any type truly, and.

You can't quite put your finger on how it's affecting you, you just, are feeling it, maybe you can't even identify where it's coming from. Sometimes this is a really supportive stone for helping you work through that, explore some of those feelings, understand, More about the sources opening up your awareness that way, but it's also really good for helping you overcome some of the obstacles that present themselves when we're grieving, right?

Because, I think for all of us, we encounter different obstacles and that's not necessarily a bad thing, right? It's just Sometimes part of the process. And with this spirit courts, they have this really soft, gentle energy that just helps you feel really supported. and it meets you where you're at, no matter where that is.

And that's something that I really love about this stone. another stone that I love is pink opal. Pink opal has a really nurturing, supportive energy as well. And if I think of a crystal that's You know, when I work with it, it feels like it just giving me a hug and really calming down my body, helping me feel more at ease, more present.

Pink Opal is really good at doing that. I... Struggle with anxiety personally, and this is a stone that I've also found to be supportive in that journey for me, just holding it in my hands, breathing through things, allowing me to calm my mind, calm my nervous system a little bit, and I think A lot of times when we're grieving and having that sort of physical response, just a tactile, physical reminder to be present with whatever we're feeling emotionally, whatever we're feeling in our body, let it sort of roll through us, is really helpful, and for me, Pink Opal has been a great support that way.

I also really like lithium quartz, particularly when our grief is pushing us into states of anger. Which comes up. I think, it's not uncommon for us when we are grieving. Sometimes we let our emotions take over, right? And if you are just in one of those places of rage and you are feeling ready to erupt, I'm not in any way saying don't do that because sometimes that is so healing.

 Like that can be so healing. But, to help you just, Take that breath and calm back down after that sort of comes out how it needs to come out. Lithium quartz is really beautiful, and I think the last crystal that I would love to share is one that I had a big personal journey with when I lost my grandmother and that was rose quartz.

My whole years and years journey of working with crystals, I was never drawn to rose quartz. I thought it was kind of boring. I didn't understand why people liked it. It was run of the mill, like, okay, it's there, I get it, but I just didn't really feel it. But after I lost my grandma in 2018, she passed away, from complications with dementia.

I was really struggling, and I was struggling in so many ways, there's that initial sadness of losing a loved one. but more than that, I think the thing that I... Really felt in the weeks and months after her passing was this deep sense of loneliness. she and I spoke on the phone almost every single day and she was a huge part of my life.

Our relationship was so meaningful to me and suddenly there was just this whole, I never quite realized how listening to her tell me about what she. Made for her and my grandpa for lunch that day, and what prescriptions she went to fill, and, what was blooming in her backyard. I never realized that would leave quite such a big hole in my life when I couldn't just hear her tell me about her day.

Oh my gosh, sorry, I'm getting emotional. 

Cassie: Your emotions are welcome here. 

Ashley: Thank you. She was such a special part of my life and suddenly having that void was really challenging and I missed her so much more even than I thought I would. And all of a sudden, I was really drawn in by Rose Quartz. Anything that was Rose Quartz was just calling to me.

So I had a few pieces in my little crystal tool kit, and they just... Were speaking to me like, we are here for you. So I slept with those in my pillowcase and on my bedside table. I carried them around in my pocket or tucked into my bra. I just had them around me all the time. And I felt comforted.

I felt A tiny bit less lonely, of course, I still miss my grandma. I still do. I miss those conversations. I miss that time. But Rose Quartz was there for me in a way that I didn't really expect and I still can't even quite put my finger on what it was about that stone that was so powerful during that time and so healing, but I just felt held.

I just felt so held and so seen in my grief. And, it's a stone that after, maybe six months, eight months, I noticed I was less and less drawn to, and that was also okay. At first, I was a little nervous. I didn't understand why there was a change. I thought maybe I just, I, there was something with me.

I wasn't able to connect with it in the same way, and I started to realize, no, it was there for me when I really needed it, when I was in that really rough, raw place, and it got me through. And when I started healing and Figuring out how to be a little less lonely, it just wasn't needed in the same way.

And so I learned to let go of the stone and it was like a lesson in grieving all over again that, sometimes we transcend things in our lives too. But I knew that it would always sort of be there for me if I needed it. And unfortunately, last week, we lost one of our chickens, my dear Fanny.

And I turned to my rose quartz again for support because I was feeling, that loneliness of not seeing her out in the backyard with the other hens and just feeling very sad. And so even though it's been You know, five years now since I've last worked with my rose quartz really deeply, I knew that it would be there for me and it was.

Cassie: Thank you for sharing that tender story about your grandma. And I think it so beautifully illustrates how, when working with stones and crystals, this relational aspect of it, and how, if we're open and listening to, the tools that we connect with most, I don't even like to use, there's a better word than tools, but the beings that we connect with the most, that, We open ourselves up to ways of being supported and being held and for you that was that rose quartz and I think for a lot of other people it could be too but what I love about your story is it illustrates how one might find a crystal that maybe isn't listed in a book as a stone that's intended for grief and grief support but how to open yourself up to What beings, what energies are around you that want to support you through any specific grief journey that you're going through?

Because I think it does vary so much for each of us, and I love those suggestions that you offer too, especially Pink Opal. I've worked with Pink Opal before, and as you were describing it, I was just thinking, I need to... I need to get out my pink opal and just spend some time with it because it, I could sense that warm hug feeling.

 I really appreciate all of those offerings and your tender story about rose quartz. 

Ashley: Yeah, I think that exactly what you're saying is so important, Cassie, like feeling empowered to seek out those relationships for yourself is hugely important in this work. Like it doesn't have to come from a list on the internet.

It doesn't have to come from a book. It doesn't have to come from one of the suggestions I just made, but just really opening yourself up to. Yeah. Being aware of what sort of calling to you. One way I really like to do this when I'm feeling some kind of way, and I just need a little support, no matter what it is.

Maybe it's to work with a plant or flower and herb. Maybe it's to work with a crystal. I just find myself still in the present moment and see what sort of Comes to mind, right? I'll usually close my eyes, take a few deep breaths. I'm a fairly visual person. So for me, often something will come in my mind's eye.

Maybe it's a color. Maybe it's a shape. And I'll relate that with something that's around me. And so I'll seek out that plant or that stone or whatever it is. And then I'll pick a few options that sort of remind me of that energy as well, because sometimes if My intuition is not telling me this exact thing that I thought it was, but it's something that's like that.

So I'll put a few different options out, and then I'll usually place those on my altar. I'll make myself really comfortable. Again, close my eyes to get present in the moment. And when I open my eyes, I just see what captures my attention the most. What seems like it has that. Little bit of extra twinkle that little bit extra something that's really speaking to me.

And that's usually the thing that I'll go to. Sometimes it's two things, right? But that'll be the thing that I go to and I work with and, maybe that'll be keeping that on my altar in my ancestor corner. Maybe that will be carrying it with me. Maybe that'll be, wearing that as a piece of jewelry or something, but just having that energy.

Around me to support me when I need it is what's most important. And, finding the method of connecting with those things that works for you. In addition to Seeking out the specific energy like all of that is part of that process of working with these energies. 

Cassie: Absolutely. And I love you answered my next question already. I'm just going to add a little bit to it because I was going to ask you, how are some of the ways that we can work with crystals, when we're working through different phases and specifically grief. and you really spoke to that and I love how you spoke to it in a way that is again, I'm opening myself up to these different energies and allowing So them to guide me, which is something I've been doing a lot in my practice and we work, I know that you and I work in very similar ways.

 So what you described is very similar to how I work and something I've been doing lately specifically with plants, but it would work just as well with crystals is just letting them come to me. So I just, when I'm out for walks, I'm just very aware of what plants get my attention. and just open myself up to what, how would you like me to work with you instead of the reverse of, you know, so much of my spiritual practice has been me going to quartz and saying quartz. I need you for this. And I've done this role reversal of no, I've spent a lot of years asking and taking and now I want to open myself up and listen to what you have to say. And I think there's a lot of opportunity in that with crystals too, and especially with grief because I think As a society, we have such an aversion to talking about death and dying and grief as a part of that.

A lot of us don't really know how to tend to our grief. We're not taught how to tend to our grief. And I think crystals and plants, too, have a unique ability to hold us in our grief because they are more enmeshed in the natural cycles of the earth in ways that we've really, a lot of us have extracted ourselves from, which sort of leads me into my next question, which is something that I've noticed when I've worked with crystals and stones is I'm often reminded Of time and the perception of time and how trees and plants and especially crystals and stones have a very different perception of time and that translates into their perception of grief and loss too. And it's been very comforting for me to feel this energy from crystals of being like. Yes, there is grief here, but there are long periods of grief and we are still here. We are present. and I found a lot of peace in that. So I would love if you could speak to that at all. just this idea of perception of time and how it's so different for crystals and, how much we have to learn 

Ashley: yeah. that is one of the beautiful things about crystals and one of the really fascinating things about crystals. Geologic time is so much different than human time. A lot of the crystals that we work with and build relationship with, they can be millions of years old. Some are thousands of years old, some are millions of years old.

that is... Mind blowing to me and so think of all that they have seen and experienced and bared witness to, from their time of formation until present day, like they've been through so much. And I was actually thinking a little bit about this concept with. Everything that is happening with our environment right now, right?

We are seeing drastic unprecedented effects of climate change currently, and I've really been struggling, as I'm sure so many have with the heaviness of that and grieving for our planet. And it made me think what some of these stones. Must feel right now, like I feel like in a way that maybe they haven't experienced grief before they are probably grieving, holding space for the earth, holding space for the creatures of the earth, the plants, the animals and humanity, and I think that it's, I think that it's something that is so different that they are going through, probably at the same time that we are experiencing that.

That our grief is in a way collective and that we can find even deeper community in our grief with the land around us because of that, because I think maybe for one of the first times, probably the very minerals from the earth itself are feeling that same weight of grief, even in their perspective of geologic time, because things are so different, but it also gives me hope that like what you said, Cassie, Thank They have seen so much and they have been here for so long, that the perspective is a bit different.

And I think finding those points of commonality with the mineral kingdom, with the plant kingdom can be really supportive of us. One of the things that when my grandma passed away, one of the ways that I chose to work with that rose quartz is I just took it outside in the yard. no shoes, no socks, just put my feet on the earth and closed my eyes and held that stone over my heart and just felt the sun shining down on me and thought, where can I go to Again, be held.

And it was that asking of what do you want me to do? How do you want me to work with you that you were saying? I definitely was not conscious of that, but it was very much being open to being led. And I made my way over to this very old willow tree in my yard. It's got to be 150 years old, at least.

It's absolutely massive. And I sat under the willow tree holding this rose quartz over my heart. And it wasn't until later that I learned of the connection of willow trees with mourning. And I thought, well, how appropriate is that? but like you were saying, you know, there is this difference in perspective with minerals, which are so old or these very ancient beans and trees.

Which are a little younger than that, but still very much older than many of us. And then our own human timeline, but we can still find these points of connection. I think between those varying perspectives, of what it means to exist and what it means to be and of what it means to experience loss.

Cassie: Thank you, Ashley. That was beautiful and it's just got me thinking about just, relationships that we have with these, the mineral kingdom, the plant kingdom, and how, just how beautiful it is that, we're able to be held and hold, even though, as humans, we're learning how to hold, but we are, and I think that's the love that exists. From the plants, the trees and the crystals to continue to teach us how to be in right relationship with them is a real testament of love. and a real, just such a beautiful part of grief. That's something that, that really arises from being able to grieve deeply. 

Ashley: So beautiful. Yeah. It's just feeling very nourishing.

I'm grateful to be here with you and having this conversation. 

Cassie: Me too. Is there anything else that you would like to share that's on your heart about grief or crystals, before I ask you a closing question? 

Ashley: I think just leaving everyone with the idea that it really is about finding your own way and forging your own relationships and being respectful.

I think that's one of the most important things that we can do with any energies that we're working with, but, not being. confined, not being afraid that you're going to make a mistake. We'll all make mistakes and it, if you're working with the intention to be in right relationship, if you're keeping that in your awareness, I think for the most part you won't go wrong.

So allow yourself that opportunity to explore, to build relationships, to get to know your stones or your plants or the land that you walk on. and just. find joy in that process and find joy, even in your grief. I think sometimes it feels so heavy, that we question those moments of joy or we feel guilt over them.

And, just allow yourself to be held, allow yourself to feel loved and supported and nurtured by those energies around you. and allow yourself. Just a little rest, a little deep breath. 

Cassie: Thank you. and the last question I want to ask you just goes back to the name of the podcast, Rooting Into Wholeness.

And I would just love to hear a little bit about what brings you, what reminds you of that sense of your innate wholeness these days. ? 

Ashley: It's making art. It doesn't matter what the medium is, what the format is.

If I can be completely in that flow of creation, I feel so connected and aligned and so much like myself. Like people always talk about, being your authentic self and whatever that means. I really, truly feel most like myself when I'm deep in that process of creation. and I think part of it is because there is such a range of experience that can be present, right?

You can find joy, you can find grief, you can find frustration, you can find pleasure, you can find all of these things when you're in that act of creating something. And for me, I think that's the thing that is Nourishing my soul absolutely more than anything else and helping me feel completely whole.

Cassie: Oh, I needed to hear that. So thank you for sharing that. That is. Medicine that I need to get back in touch with, so I appreciate the reminder. and before we close, I'd love for you to share with folks just where they can find you, where they can connect with you. 

Ashley: Sure, I would love for everyone to head over to my website.

Love and light school. com. Feel free to check out tons of free resources there. There's blog posts, articles. You can find links to my podcast there, as well as learn more about classes and guided meditations over on insight timer, all that good stuff. You can also find me on Instagram at love and light school.

If you enjoy listening to the conversation, Cassie and I are having, I'd love to talk with you more. So send me a DM. Thank you. 

Cassie: All right. Thank you so much, Ashley, for coming on. What rich and nourishing conversations. I appreciate you. 

Ashley: Thank you so much for having me.

Joyful Surrender in the Season of Shedding

Every plant and tree that cycles through the seasons knows that at some point, it is time to return inward and be held by the Earth. They don’t fight it and continue pouring their energy into their fruit until they know it’s time to turn inward or die. They surrender fully to the season and even continue expressing themselves and growing. The land has been whispering that there’s much more to surrender and it doesn’t always mean giving up. Surrendering can be joyful, even pleasurable. 

Fall is a season of contractions helping us descend into Winter. Similar contractions are present during Spring. However, the essence and energy of each contraction phase differ significantly. In the Springtime, the season of the Maiden and the curious air element brings contractions to push us up and out from the underworld into the first blooms of the season. It’s an expansive and seductive time that is the portal that pushes us out through the underworld. 

On the opposite side of the seasonal wheel, we have the Autumn Equinox, another season of contraction that pulls us down and into Winter, back into ourselves and the underworld. It is a season of surrender and shedding. Yet, it is also full of pleasure and fullness. It’s simply a different flavor than the Spring Equinox, and why wouldn’t it be? There’s a distinct difference between rising versus descending into the underworld. Both are sacred and needed. 

Listen to this post on my podcast here.

As I’ve sat with and observed the guardian Hawthorne tree that lives outside of my home over the seasons, I’ve watched her push her blooms outward in Spring and am now slowly watching her berries redden and ripen as the weather cools. Her energy in this season is still one of expansion, but it is different. It is not the “look at me” energy of the maiden with her seductive flowers. The energy I receive from Hawthorn this season is “look at all that I can hold” and “look at how much love I can give.” Her round berries mimic the fullness of this season, the fullness of immense holding, giving, and joyful surrender. 

The Hawthorn tree outside my home is not the only place I’ve seen and felt this energy. I can see it in the ripening apples, the browning grain, and the plants drooping closer to the earth below them. The easiest way to drift into the underworld is to surrender to it. In a society that, by and large, avoids the underworld and is generally death-phobic, consciously surrendering to seasons of slowness or stagnation might feel strange and difficult. It certainly has for me and continues to be a place of careful awareness. As usual, the earth, which you and I are a part of, offers constant examples of how we might do this from seasons, the moon, and our plant and animal kin. 

In this share, we’ll dance with the theme of surrender and ways to find more joy in it. I’ll share reflections on the water element and a simple practice to connect with water and the theme of surrender. I’ll also discuss the importance of struggle regarding surrender and a simple plant infusion to help you ease into the season.

Some seasons can feel more present than others if you are spiraling through a similar personal season. This season, as a mid-life mother with small children and a caretaker, feels P-otent. If you find yourself in a position of frequent caregiving, whether that be for your children, elders, or community, you might, too. It is helpful to name how seasonal shifts affect us differently depending on your current phase. Of course, part of this is being able to name and be with the phase you’re in. I’d like to offer you a moment to pause to think about what season your life seems to be spiraling through in this transitional time. Are you in a phase of discovery and exploration, radiance and expansion, giving and caretaking, surrender, and reflection, or somewhere else? Understanding where you’re in your sacred cycle might help you better understand and relate to the transformations happening in the land and seasons. Of course, there are always cycles within cycles, above and below, within and without. All is connected, so I trust you’ll find some meaning and medicine in this share, even if it doesn’t align with your season. 

Let’s begin our dance with surrender by exploring the element commonly associated with this season: water. 

Lessons from water on surrender

Water is the element that many associate with the cardinal direction West and the season of Autumn. Early in my practice, I didn’t understand the connection between Autumn and the element of water. Autumn reminded me of leaves drying and dying. It seemed like the opposite of life-giving water. Over several years of working closely with water and themes of death, I have a more holistic understanding of water. Water is a life-giver, but water also asks us to be in flow with and surrender to change, including changes we might not always desire. Water reminds me that I do not need to love the changes themselves, but I can learn how to love myself in them. Water can be gentle, forceful, and everything in between. While walking in Autumn and water, you can surrender to her lessons by choice, or they can be forced on you. 

As much as we humans like to think we have complete control over our lives, we don’t, and water can be a potent reminder of this lesson. Water can and has swallowed us up in a moment with floods and sudden downpours. It is a reminder that the feminine creative forces are not always soft and gentle. They can and need to be forceful at times. Surrendering to where and how water chooses to flow requires deep trust. 

Joyful surrender offers a portal into being present and at peace with the unknown. I see the element of water as a wise teacher in this realm. 

There’s an easefulness that lives in surrender. It can be found in the waning moon, flowing water, an exhale, and the transition from Summer to Fall. Life is change. But, like the moon, who changes every night, she is still the moon at her core. You, too, will embark on endless transformations throughout your life but will remain you at your core. How would you move about the world if you surrendered to the unknowns and constant changes, both within and outside of you, knowing that you will remain you in the end? 

Of course, some of this is a personal belief and may not resonate because I believe in reincarnation and the soul. Like the moon, who dies each month, or the water, who cycles through different states of being, I trust that my essence will remain intact and carry on in some capacity. 

So how can we be more like water and surrender to our own cycles and others? It’s much easier to find the joy in any cycle when we surrender. Be with, watch, listen, feel, and commune with water. Here’s a simple practice I like to do in collaboration with water. 

Surrendering with water practice

I like to lean into this practice and the element of water when I struggle with surrendering to something and want assistance. You can practice this at home or a nearby creek or stream. I love doing this near flowing water, but if that is not accessible, visualizing or thinking about water works just as well. 

1. Open your practice in a way that you are comfortable with. For me, this looks like greeting, thanking the four elements and directions, and connecting with the earth. 

2. If it’s available and makes sense in your practice, orient yourself to the West, the home of the water element, and ask the water if you can bring your struggle to it for help. 

3. How you engage with water now will be unique to you. I like to imagine the water gently flowing through my body, including my struggle. If you are near flowing water, the sound or feel of the water can be helpful if it’s accessible to listen or touch the water. If you are not near water, you can visualize the water flowing around you, imagine how it would feel, or even dictate to yourself what it would be like. 

4. Imagine the water gently softening and soothing your struggle. You may notice the water slowly start pulling parts of it away, parts of your struggle that it’s time for you to release. You might become aware of how it feels to let go of aspects of your struggle and notice other sensations or knowings under the struggle. 

5. Stay with the water for as long as you’d like. When you feel complete in this practice, thank the water and consider giving an offering to the water. You might also want to write down anything that surfaced during your experience with water. 

All this said, joyful surrender is not always easy for me and might not be for you. I still struggle often. But I’ve learned to accept the struggle as part of the surrender process. I also think it has a lot of wisdom to offer. 

The Medicine in the Struggle

The relationship between struggle and surrender is, I believe, much of the medicine this season has to offer. I find the struggle is what gets me to a state of surrender. Sometimes, I have long periods of struggle. Sometimes, they’re short. I see struggle often in deathwork for the dying and their loved ones. There’s often a denial of impending death, but there will come a moment when that denial no longer serves. The time one sits in the struggle will be different for all, but it has value. 

Struggle can be found in the dance of fire and can illuminate what needs or wants to be tended. In the struggle, you can see what’s most important. The struggle is necessary. I do not share these reflections on joyful surrender to imply that it is better than being in the struggle. Being in the struggle is hard. But the struggle also has the power to illuminate. I don’t see the struggle as the problem, but it’s often our lack of resources to be with the struggle that prevents us from being with it. There’s nuance here, too. We all have different relationships and experiences with struggle. My prayer for myself, for you, and all of us is that we can have the presence to know when it’s time to stop being in the struggle and step into surrender, maybe even joyful surrender. Whether that surrender looks like asking for help, walking away from someone, acceptance, or something else will be unique. 

One of my favorite writers and speakers is Dr. Bayo Akomolafe, who often speaks of “fugitive spaces.” If you haven’t listened to Dr. Akomolafe, I highly recommend it and will link some of my favorite podcasts in the show notes. He’s featured on the For the Wild podcast and SAND often. I find his words and ideas to be a healing salve in these times. He speaks to “fugitive spaces” here and says, “We need trickster approaches, we need ways of dancing away, or dancing to, fugitive spaces; dancing to sanctuaries where we can shape-shift. Grieving, mourning, even allowing ourselves to partake in pleasurable activities in the face of the storm.” I feel these fugitive spaces are areas of play that do not insist on knowing or constantly striving for all the answers and instead offer a space to marinate in the mystery. When I think of fugitive spaces concerning climate change, I think of having conversations outside of how to curb climate collapse and instead focusing on how we might learn to love each other in climate collapse. I find this requires a great deal of surrender and often think of “fugitive spaces” when I think of joyful surrender and how surrendering can yield new possibilities found only in unknown spaces. 

In my day-to-day life, I don’t experience the idea of seeking fugitive spaces to disavow being in right relationship with the earth. Instead, I see it as an opportunity to shift my energy around the topic and my actions. For example, I am involved in local politics and often spend time canvassing for local candidates. I used to do this sort of work with a lot of anger. I’d be so mad that more people weren’t helping. I still do sometimes. More often now, I find myself looking for surrender in my political involvement. I still canvass, but I try to surrender to the parts of it that I love, like community building with like-minded people. I also don’t beat myself up if I can’t help as much as I’d like to. Perhaps there will be a tipping point when more and more of us will release the struggle of trying to force politicians, oil companies, and other people to care about this earth and, instead, lean into ways to love within it. That is the energy I am attempting to bring to my life, which is still a struggle sometimes. I still get angry and spin my wheels, thinking of ways to convince people to care about this earth and continue to change my own habits. But, more and more, I observe and ask questions like, “What or who am I truly struggling against right now?” “Is what or who I’m struggling with of my own making or out of my control?” “If it is out of my control, how might surrendering to it look and feel?” “Can I find any threads of ease or joy within what I’m struggling against?”

There’s medicine in our ability to surrender to the struggles of this current time. When we do, we can get a glimpse of what’s underneath them and perhaps even find new and beautiful solutions, love, and joy.

The joy available in surrender

There is beauty, magic, and deep wisdom in surrender. Surrender lives in the realm of the deeply rooted Wise Woman and the Crone, who trusts that there’s life and even beauty beyond the struggle. Surrendering isn’t giving up or accepting abuse. It’s choosing to sink deeper into the struggle to find the threads of love and creativity within it. It’s easier said than done. At least, it has been for me. I don’t have it figured out. I still get caught up in the questioning, fear, and anger. Sometimes, I overstay my welcome sitting in the struggle. Surrendering also doesn’t mean that everything I surrender to immediately feels amazing. Sometimes it doesn’t. Joyful surrender may not be the answer to the suffering of this world, but I see it as a powerful place to explore finding joy in the mess of life.

Plant allies for the season of surrender

Wherever you are in the world, plants are growing nearby to assist in this seasonal shift, whether you are experiencing Autumn or Spring in the Southern Hemisphere. The magic of our plant kin is that they are so deeply connected to the pulse of Mother Earth that they know what is needed in each season for all to thrive. Here in the Midwest of Turtle Island, Goldenrod and Aster are prevalent and serve as physical and energetic supports for our descent into fall. I invite you to notice which plants are appearing in your local environment and, if it feels aligned, to engage with them. 

I love making infusions, what some might think of as tea, with the plants and flowers. An infusion is simply soaking plant material in hot water for a certain amount of time, sometimes 30-minutes, or as long as overnight. After pouring boiling water over the plants I’m working with, I like to allow my infusions to rest in the sunlight or moonlight depending on the energy the plants ask for or I am desiring. I was inspired to make a fall infusion with seasonal plants in my area from Dr. Jacqui of Xálish Medicine and recommend visiting this post she shared on Instagram all about it. 

As always, before creating an infusion with any plant, ensure that they are safe to consume and that they are not contraindicated for you by confirming with your healthcare provider. If you have goldenrod and aster in your area, they are generally considered safe to consume, however, always be sure to make sure they are safe for you specifically. I also recommend harvesting by asking consent before taking and leaving offerings. I like to keep a flower essence with me while I’m out to give as an offering. 

I created my infusion with a combination of foraged and garden-grown Goldenrod, Aster, Chokeberry, Hawthorn berry, Boneset, Sage, and Yarrow. It was delicious and felt like such a potent way to ease my body, physically and energetically, into the season. You could easily create an infusion of just Astser and Goldenrod for a simple fall infusion. 

As the flowers wilt and brown and as leaves shift colors in preparation for winter, I can’t help but notice the joyful surrender in the landscapes around me. I see it in the ripening fullness of the berries on the Hawthorn tree, the lavender plants in my yard stretching their flowers out further and further to catch the sinking sun, and busy squirrels and chipmunks readying their winter harvests. As I reflect upon these changes, I remember that I, too, am part of these cycles. I do not need to know the course of what will be for me, my family, or the rest of us to continue to show up in fullness. Or, perhaps, if I slow myself enough, like the earth, I will feel its pulse and know that all will always be well. I can joyfully follow the rhythms of the earth’s cycles both within and outside. I can serve where I feel called, even when I don’t know how it will look, trusting that if I surrender to my season, I will be guided. I hope within these reflections, you’ve found any permission you may have needed to surrender to your current season and maybe even find the joy in it. 

Sacred Links Between Grief & Pleasure with Kalah Hill

Hello, dear ones. I’m coming to you with the first guest podcast in a new series all about grief and grief tending and what it can look and feel like when we apply a spiritual lens.

This four-part series will explore grief tending through pleasure, astrology, plant magic, and working with crystals. One of the many gifts I’ve received from my work with grief and death is learning how much wisdom and healing can be found in walking with my grief more intentionally. I’ve learned that grief is not an isolated emotion to be relegated to the loss of a beloved. Grief is ever present and has so much to teach us. As my work shifts deeper into rites of passage around death and reclaiming magical practices I’ve been severed from, I continue to learn more and more from my ability to be with and tend to my grief and how connected grief is to so many other topics, like pleasure, ancestral work, and reclaiming a personal magical practice. 

This first episode with Kalah Hill is so, so rich. I embarked on the Maiden to Mother Teacher Training hosted by Sarah Durham Wilson and many others over the last year, and Kalah was one of the facilitators during the training. When I say this training rocked my world, it’s truly an understatement. It’s also the inspiration for my upcoming retreat I mention in this episode. But for today, I want to focus on the work I experienced with Kalah and how it opened my eyes to the deep connections between grief and pleasure. 

Freedom Doula and Pleasure activist Kalah Hill is the founder of In Pleasure We Trust. Through her many years as a student of trust, Kalah regenerates space with her clients with care and sweet rootedness. Kalah evokes permission for sovereignty within the landscape of our social interdependency. In her work, Kalah unravels the illusions of systemic oppression that create communities of conformity and insatiability. Kalah’s loving practice reveals the human capacity to be in equanimity, trust, and deep satisfaction. Her healing balm of pleasure is how she creates a bridge of solidarity in crossing the threshold into liberation. Kalah’s experience and facilitation is multidisciplinary, ranging from biological and ecosystem-based sciences, somatic coaching, social justice, maiden to mother lineage, and doula work. 

Here’s our chat. Click below to listen, or scroll to read.

The text below is a transcript of our recorded conversation. Grammatical and spelling errors may be present.

Cassie: hello, welcome, Kayla. I’m so happy to have you here and to chat about Pleasure and grief and all the juiciness that comes with those topics. So welcome. 

Kalah: Thank you. Cassie. It’s so nice to be here. I’m really excited. 

Cassie: Me too. before we dive into those juicy topics, I would love to hear a little bit about. The land that you’re on and maybe what that land is sharing with you today or how it’s showing up, which is a practice that I learned from Dr. Rocio Rosales Mesa that I just really love and think it’s such a beautiful way to start a space. So I’d love to hear a little bit about that from you. 

Kalah: Gorgeous.

Yeah, I’m on, the, occupied stolen territory of Guamares, the Guamares people, and I guess today known as San Miguel de Allende in Mexico. and this land has been teaching me a lot, actually. That’s such a good question. I’ve been based in Costa Rica for the last six years, in, Chorotega territory.

And I recently came out of the jungles and into the desert, mountainous, regions and it’s a completely different landscape than what I’ve been accustomed to and what I’ve been working with and I really work closely in partnership with the land. I do a lot of different ritual,and just honoring and grounding and nourishment and giving back.

And so giving back to. This land has been so clear to me that it’s time for me to transition fully out of the jungle, and I’ve been shown a lot of beauty in that transition thus far, and I’m just listening right now. I’m very new to this land. I’ve only been here for three months, so I’m, paying my dues, so to say.

and still cultivating a bond and a connection. 

Cassie: Beautiful, thank you. I didn’t realize that you had just moved, so recently. I didn’t realize I had, I’ve changed, I’ve recently came from the desert to the Midwest, so I have a reversal of lands that I’m getting to know, so I know that, that place well.

Kalah: Yeah, it’s quite potent. There’s A lot of good workings here for me, and I’m very grateful that I’m so attuned to my orientation, my, my earthly orientation. I’m very clairsentient. So wherever my body is. really matters. The environment matters. And I’m just grateful that I have such clarity around movement and where I need to be at any given moment.

So yeah, it’s beautiful. 

Cassie: I’ll pay, honor to the place that I’m on to, which I’m on, occupied Miami or Miami land, which is in so called Indiana in the States. And. I am really loving the way the land is showing up and appearing today because we’re deep in the waning moon might be in the dark moon and I’m on my moon cycle and it is overcast and cloudy and rainy outside, which feels so nourishing and like what the earth needs and what I need.

So it’s feeling, very well aligned within my body and out in the land. as far as your work, I would love to hear a little bit about what brought you to your work and maybe a little bit about your lineage and that could be ancestral lineage to what brought you to your work or just teacher lineage, whatever speaks to you and resonates and wants to come out.

but just a little bit of your journey and process to coming to the work that you do now.

Kalah: Well, I guess it always begins with the mother, right?

Um, yeah, well, I was born to Deborah, a beautiful woman. I call her a white witch. My white witch mother, descendant from, English and German blood and a wild woman, a mystic and single mom. And, I just learned, I learned a lot from my mother in terms of the capacities that I have with magic and mystery and Otherworldly ventures There was a lot of access to exploration and curiosity. I was given full permission for those things really raised, to enjoy life really raised to, be in pleasure, whether it was in my body or whether it was with food or with imagination or fantasy, those things were very much fostered. The pieces that I’ve had to pick up along the way involve my mother’s inability to be fully actualized in the 3D practical world.

And that was really challenging for her and for us. Growing up from me growing up, it was,very unstable kind of material financial situations. And so I now am in this place of creating context and bringing the dream into reality and really creating heaven on earth because I know heaven to be so true.

because of these like early on gifts of access to pleasure and enjoyment. And I remember, and I’m going to get just real honest. I remember, I started self pleasuring when I was four years old and my mother had caught me. I was in the back of the car. I was in the car exploring, It was, open.

And my mother said, asked me what I was doing. And I told her, oh, I found this thing. Oh, it’s so pleasurable. And she was incredibly supportive. She said, oh, that’s called masturbation. It’s really great for you. And. But you do it in the privacy of your bedroom, right? Because I was about to go public. And I think because of that fostering, and that, literal, no shame, no judgment around me accessing this pleasure in my body from the age of four to literally today, age 38, I just have decades of practice when it comes to, Harnessing and accessing my pleasure and enjoying myself and there’s that bleeds out into everything, right?

Like it’s not just a masturbation practice any longer. It’s like a life form of its own that really has sprung from that initial, that initial, finding inside of myself. so I’ve had a lot of amazing cultivation, as well as, my father’s side, my father’s lineage, my father is African American, black man in the United States from Harlem, and I just love to seep in black feminist literature, I love the lineage of pleasure that is the thread line of so much of.

That work, when we talk about Audre Lorde, Bell Hooks, Maya, Angelo, Nikki Giovanni, all of these brilliant black feminist writers who really saw pleasure as a critical piece of the liberation movement and the movement towards. Justice and activism work, and it’s, adrian maree brown, who just published Pleasure Activism a few years ago, really brought that collection of work together in one great piece of work, and I love that book.

It’s It’s like my Bible and because I didn’t grow up with my father and I now have a relationship with him going on about 14 plus years now. I’ve known my father and it’s been really great to actualize those components of my lineage as well. And so I definitely spring from that. And in terms of teachers, I think you and I are familiar.

We have the same teacher, Sarah. Sarah of Magdalene and she’s really supported me in the mother wound work and working with my white witch and my white witch mother, who is brilliant but also very much, indoctrinated by the patriarchy and really exiled in many ways. and it’s been so reparative to work with Sarah.

I also have a really great embodiment, embodiment dance teacher, Amber Ryan. She comes from the Five Rhythms lineage. She studied with Gabrielle Raw and, my somatics, coaching teacher. So my best friend. Who I grew up with, actually. Her name is Dana Regan, and she’s the founder of the Somatic Soul Coaching School, which I am now on faculty for as well, and also certified as a Somatic Soul Coach.

So we’ve done a lot of embodiment work with various teachers and really beloved women in my life. It’s been a great healing journey.

Cassie: I really enjoyed hearing more about your story because yes, as Kayla mentions, the way that I found, I got to know her was through, Sarah Durham Wilson, mother to maiden teacher training.

The third cohort of it that has almost come to an end. but it has just been a beautiful transformative supportive, training. One that I am just internally grateful to have been a part of and to meet so many amazing women like Kayla. and so many things are coming up. For me, just about what you shared about your lineage and your ancestry, one thing, you know, I love that you shared so honestly about self pleasuring at a young age, because I think it ties in so beautifully to pleasure and grief.

And I also have a similar story, and it’s one that’s Burned into my memory and not in a bad way, but you talking about it is just bringing up a lot of curiosity around this memory that I have. I was, I had a similar experience where I was self pleasuring. I was probably four, maybe five. And I was, it was just in the living room, like in front of the TV, just laying on the floor.

And I remember my mom just being like, what’s she doing over there? And she wasn’t. It wasn’t there wasn’t any judgment or shaming associated with it, which I’m very grateful for. But then when I think about that same kind of. Self pleasuring as a adolescent, I can sense all the shame attached to it. And I’m like, when did that happen?

How did that happen? and I feel like a big part of the teacher training, the mother to maiden teacher training has been me really rediscovering and reclaiming that pleasure in a very personal, liberatory way. 

but yeah, I would love to just hear you share more about, any musings or insights you’ve noticed in that relation between grief and pleasure and specifically self pleasure and those shifts that happen from that young age of just innately knowing that we have this ability to bring such pleasure to ourselves.

And then those shifts that happen that so many of us come into feeling shame around pleasure, which then turns to grief at a lot of times. Yeah. 

Kalah: Yeah. Yeah. Well, I want to say, yeah. Yeah. It’s almost like, welcome to planet Earth, where you will be, under threat of shame, guilt. It’s a consequence of our, of our current state of affairs and of a long history of, repression and oppression and systems that, that really are no longer sustaining, sustaining us.

And it’s so curious to me because I find this to be true for every single human is that there’s this original innocence. Where think of it’s as a young girl, just like self pleasuring in public or just in broad daylight, not even thinking twice about it. Oh, yeah, this feels good.

I’m going to do it. And. That’s what I’m trying to get back to, and not that I’m trying to masturbate in public. That I’m trying to get back to that sense of full permission and choice over my own body. Which, as most of us know, if any of us are not living inside a cave, that, women’s bodies… have been under threat for millennia for thousands and thousands of years.

Our bodies have been under threat and access to agency over our own bodies is at threat and alive and well today, especially with the Supreme Court ruling overturning of Roe versus Wade, right? All of these things have come now. There’s so much shadow work, I think, available to us, and this is where I find that when someone really accesses or remembers their pleasure for the first time in maybe, let’s say, 25 years.

There are calcifications that have formed inside of our nervous systems, inside of our bodies, that as we chisel away at those calcifications and break them open by liberating our pleasure, we’re reminded of the great grievance. That is also there in the way of we’ve kept ourselves from ourselves for far too long, and there’s something to mourn about that.

And so the way that I practice and the way that I work with clients is that I work really slowly at like piece by piece, chisel by chisel. Removing these calcifications to open to the softening of what is truly and inherently, our birthright, essentially, to be a soft human, to be safe enough, to be upheld to be, actualized, in the truth of our pleasure.

that is a process in and of itself of unraveling usually decades of shame and fear and guilt and oppression and violence and abuse and, the list goes on of what we’re unraveling. But in that unraveling, there’s a deep cathartic release that tends to happen. And typically it’s in the form of a grievance in the form of tears.

maybe there’s anger, right? we start to go through all of these stages of grief when we open to our pleasure and that’s what I see time and time again. 

Cassie: Yeah. Yeah. And that’s what inspired me to reach out to you for this was, during the teacher training, I had the pleasure of getting to be led by Kayla to, to embark on some pleasure work and what stood out to me and these were in groups.

So it was a non sexual pleasure, that we were cultivating and building and. I think that’s also such a, it’s just such a big part that, I was lacking for my personal practice. And I think something else that came up was, either in the reading, but I think it’s come up in some of the training too.

It’s just the. Pleasure that can be inherent and just in, in female relationships and friendships, that’s non sexual. And that is something that I did not even realize how much grief I had. Around that topic of all of the years of, Oh, there can be pleasure. There can be sensuality in these relationships that are not relationships with, an sexual partner, but there can still be that sensuality and pleasure there and reclaiming that.

And the grief. Oh my gosh. That is where I felt a lot of grief is around those untapped relationships where it was like a veil was lifted. Oh, I can have pleasure and sensuality in these relationships to sign me up. how do I return to that? I would love to hear you share just about, I don’t know how that’s shown up in your work or ways to cultivate that because I have found it to be a little bit.

Trickier, I would love to hear anything that’s coming up for you around that. 

Kalah: Yeah, there’s a deep need, I think, and a deep calling inside of the culture and inside of our individual bodies for touch.

And for somatic residency with one another, and there’s a couple things that came to mind. one is that we’re essentially like primates, right? We’re essentially primates, and I think that in our biology, we are wired to basically like, groom and cuddle each other. there’s something like, if you see chimpanzees or bonobos,they really, they’re always in the herd.

They’re always like grooming each other, sifting through their hair, and there’s this, real biological, mechanism that is hardwired for touch. So there’s that piece. And then I also sense another thing going on, maybe a little bit deeper around, not deeper, but just different context of we don’t need to be speaking as much it’s not so much about what we’re saying.

It’s more about how we are co regulating things. With each other by actualizing contact with each other. And, I remember reading a book by Parker J. Palmer called Let Your Life Speak. And he went through a series of really deep depressions, clinical grade depressions, and he was pretty much bedridden for months.

And, He said that the least helpful people during that time were the people who would come over and say, Oh, Parker, why don’t you get up and take a walk? Or let’s go out in the sunshine and get some fresh air. Or how about what have you eaten today? Let’s eat something together. It was like a lot of let’s get up and out of this.

And he said the most helpful person was this man, a fellow platonic male friend who would come over and he wouldn’t say anything. He would come over, he would walk in, and he would just rub his feet and he would do, give him a foot massage, Three times a week or something. And he said that was the most impactful experience during his deep depression because he felt finally that he could just be and he felt deep connection to the person that he was with.

Whereas these other people who were trying to like fix the problem and find a solution. Really, he felt completely disconnected from them. And so I do feel that touches radical and radically healing, and it’s part of, now post coven really becoming a part of my. private practice with individuals and laying of hands on what it is to even just braid each other’s hair or,take a bath together.

I do a lot of ritual bath work. And yeah, we hyper sexualize all of this. And I think it’s been hyper sexualized as like a colonial tactic to divide and conquer us from each other. Because, I can’t, have sexual relations with all of these people. I don’t want to, so I guess I can’t actually touch them.

I guess I can’t actually get into a bath with them and, play with each other’s hair, there’s all of these things that have been removed from our innate, biological needs. as a species and now it’s, it’s like we’re well enough, I think, and safe enough, at least I am. And so I take that privilege and I use it wisely to, to reestablish these connections and to practice touch as often as I can.

Obviously in consensual ways, right? It’s all in agreement. and it’s all a choice. And that’s the piece that is so liberating and wildly free. It just, it’s so nourishing to the soul. And even, even self touch right the work that we did. And in the maiden to mother journey with that one pleasure call, it’s like rose brushing.

it’s looking, it’s mirror work. it’s, how are you touching your own body is also like a really great indicator of, where you’re at in terms of opening to and responding to these inherent pleasure, wirings and codes that lie inside our nervous systems that are really wired for success.

Like they will bring a lot of, let’s say satisfaction to one’s experience. and whether that satisfaction feels good or feels bad is also not a thing, right? Because sometimes what I’ve noticed with touch is that it unlocks. Tapestries inside of my own body that actually don’t feel great. I feel really sad when they are unlocked and I’m able to go into that morning and I’m able to go into that pain a lot easier when I have appropriate touch in my life.

Cassie: I love how you phrase that. It really helped me make a little switch in my head because I’ve, like I said, one of the reasons I wanted to talk about this with you is because I see this inherent connection between pleasure and grief. And I was thinking of it, in one way, touching into the pleasure brings up the grief, but it’s also what can bring healing to the grief.

It’s what enables us to be with it. So it’s like a both and, all encompassing sort of situation and yeah, I’ve, it’s Become a more regular part of my practice. I would say since the maiden to mother journey movement, pleasure embodiment, like all of those things have just become like daily parts of my practice and ways that it wasn’t because I’m like, Oh, I like, I need this.

I have to have this in order to continue, the direction that I would like to go in. if I want to be in the grief, I have to have the pleasure to. 

Kalah: Yes. And see how that’s like a reclamation of agency right there, which is like a critical pillar for freedom. Yeah. Yeah. It’s there’s so many layers and it’s so multidimensional, but it really, it’s almost like there’s this inherent genius that lives inside of our bodies.

And if we just shut up for two seconds. We just stopped talking, then this genius is allowed to arise and what happens then is, really what I think most freedom fighters have been fighting for a very long time and screaming Hey, listen, if you follow this thread line, I promise.

I promise that you will make it through. so it’s time, I think, to also just start listening to these people. I think, it’s time to start listening to Indigenous people, Black queer folks,it’s just time.

Fast. Listening to that and also listening to the genius of your body. Yeah. 

Cassie: Yeah, definitely. I would love to hear, just any offerings that you might have for titrating into this, because I know one thing that I noticed as somebody who did not have a really prominent pleasure practice. That it does require some titration, like there needs to be,because like you said, there are so many layers, it’s so connected to grief.

So what are some ways to slowly move into that and bring it to the forefront and one’s practice. 

Kalah: Yeah, yes, this is so important. So I am like, trauma informed. I’m not a trauma specialist, but I’m a trauma informed coach. And what that means to me is that I understand, the workings of trauma and how it exists in the body.

And When we are healing trauma, the word titration is thrown around a lot and it’s so critical and it basically means that there’s this slow drip over time of discharging that trauma out of the body. So releasing the trauma, actually, it doesn’t happen in one moment, one big cataclysmic moment, because if it did, it would retraumatize the nervous system and put us back to where we started.

And so we titrate. The same goes for intake. So when we are, let’s say, intaking,we need hydration and we’re hooked up to an IV. That hydration, that water and those, all those you know, nutrients are coming out, but they’re dripping and they’re going very slowly. That’s why it takes an hour up to an hour to rehydrate the body, right?

Because it takes, that slow titrated, experience for the body to actually uptake the hydration. So it’s the same with the pleasure. You can’t just, bombard yourself with, let’s say, I don’t know, you don’t have a pleasure practice at all, and then you just, go to some sort of, huge orgy or something, off the bat, you know, like, this is what I’m going to do, it could be not safe.

so I recommend, really enjoying the slowness. It’s like I see honey, like I get a visual of honey dripping from the comb and like how slowly and how delicious that is. Like my mouth is watering just thinking about that image. And so there’s so many different practices. I’ll name a few.

One is really working with the element of water. And so to me, water is pleasure central. I don’t know. There’s just so much about water. it holds and stores memory. we’re like 70% water. there’s a lot of it. With water and frequency and working with that element that I just love.

I also love how versatile water is. It can be a solid, a liquid and a gas. it’s incredible element. So bathing is like a big practice of mine. I know not everyone has access to a bathtub, so it’s not necessarily that you need to have access to a bathtub. But if you do, I highly recommend bathing.

But it’s more about the ritual around water. So whether it’s bathing, showering, walking to a body of water, whether that body of water is a lake, a stream, an ocean, a fountain in the middle of a city, right? Really finding water. access. It could also even just be a glass of water and you’re going to intentionally be with the water.

So in whatever way that means to you, whether that’s getting into the water, whether that’s getting around water, whether that’s ingesting water, you’re going to intentionally be with the water and you’re going to be with the water for as long as you want. So this is also what’s great about pleasure practice is that this is about what you want.

This is about what you need. So if you need five minutes, great. If you need five hours, great. And I recommend really aiming for what it is that you need. Now, it might take several months to get to a five hour intentional practice with water, right? what does that even entail? But what if we got curious with our own selves?

And this is where the original innocence comes in, because if we think about children, they’re not questioning Oh my God, do I have enough time? Or what am I going to do? Am I going to get bored? Oh, this might not work for me. They literally just go straight in to the practice of play. boom, no, no thoughts, no questions or nothing.

They are just ready. So we all have that. Become from that. We were all Children at one point in our lives and regardless of our upbringing and our household circumstances, because I definitely lived in one that was quite chaotic and tumultuous as well. So I understand that as well. I do know that the more work I do and remembering him.

That child like piece, I can find her and she is very alive and she is very well and she is very much ready to play and very much ready to explore. And so this is where I invite you to get crafty and creative and. Enjoy your time. You can put different things like in the water. Like I do a lot of ritual with just like putting stuff in the water, like flowers or crystals or oils or really anything.

Or if I’m walking along a stream and I find different rocks or I’m on the beach and I find different shells, I’ll go to the water and return those to the water. a lot of my practices are sparked by spontaneity and in intuition. And so like in the moment, it’s what am I intuitively craving? What am I intuitively wanting or desiring?

And can I actualize that for myself? It might be like, oh, I’m like. Walking down the beach and I like intuitively want to go and just immerse myself in the water. Okay, I’m gonna go do that. Or maybe I don’t want to go in the water that day and I want to sit on the edge and I want to just listen to the water.

Okay, I’m gonna do that. What do I hear from the water? All of this is ritual, and all of it is true, especially when it’s integrous to you. So that’s what I invite people to, is like their own innate knowing. I know, I like to give a little bit of structure and give people examples, but at the same time, it’s like we get to co create this.

I’m not, I don’t have the magic key. I’m human here with you. Exploring and figuring things out as I go, and I just invite all of us to have that courage to really trust ourselves again.

Cassie: Yes, I love that. You brought it back to the, honoring our inherent wisdom around pleasure. And that’s certainly what I’ve noticed. and especially with the slowness, what I’ve been finding for me is that The pleasure lives in the slowness and that when I can be in when I can pace myself on that way, the pleasure, the intuitions around experiencing sensory pleasure come in almost automatically, I’ll catch myself just walking outside and, just.

Bask in the sunlight and feel the sun on my skin and hear the sounds of the birds and just melt into the pleasure of it. And it’s like without the slowness, I can’t find that. So it’s been, for me, it’s been really pleasurable and just exciting and playful to have those moments just come in without forcing.

It’s just because my pace has slowed down. and you’re speaking my language with the elements. I love working with the elements. And water is, It’s such a fun one to work with. Yeah. 

Kalah: And fire can be great, like sunbathing, tending to a fire, lighting a candle, getting into a sauna, getting a hot water bottle, putting it at your feet, and like on a cold day.

There’s so many aspects of, Engagement, and it’s really it’s very sensorial. So it’s coming back to the body. And so really anything that’s going to activate the senses and be a pleasure practice. It’s that’s the thread line is that we’re awakening to sensation. and in that, I think we are awakening to our lives and that’s where we get to.

Kind of die and be reborn again, not to be sound like. Super like culty or something, but like to, to really shed those layers of, numbness, I’d say, and disassociation that are great, intelligent coping mechanisms for the environments in which we’ve been born into. So I’m not denying the intelligence of, numbing because that in and of itself has safeguarded a lot of our.

a lot of our psychology for a long time, but as we release into new ways of being with each other, and as we collectively start to heal, we’re going to have to shift out of, states of disassociation and start to stay in the body. And then over time, there’s actually really great practice around conscious numbing, which Adrian Marie Brown talks about a lot, too.

Which basically gives us those moments of reprieve, Hey, you know what, I’m going to Netflix and chill and just zone out for two hours, and that’s totally, I think also very healthy too. So it’s not to say that

one is better than the other, or we’re in some sort of place. That’s not okay. It’s to say all of it is welcome. And when we welcome all of it, then we get. To be free. there’s no, we don’t have to compartmentalize so much. We don’t have

to, like, how has the tapestry of our bodies been colonized? Like, how has the tapestry of our sensation? been, compartmentalized, like divided and conquered and almost there’s like a dictator inside of at least there was inside of me, this dictator said,this is only permissible under certain circumstances and certain ways.

And if it’s not that, then that doesn’t come out. And there was a lot of regulation and rules going on in terms of like, when I was allowed to feel something and when I wasn’t. And to basically say, no, I have full permission to feel my experiences in any given moment. to have sensation run through my body.

It is my birthright. To have access to my bodily autonomy and to make choice from a space of feeling and sensation as opposed to a space of logic, really reframes and reshapes the entire experience of your life. So to me,it’s, it’s a power move. It’s a big power move to reincorporate pleasure.

Cassie: Absolutely. Yeah, I really resonate with what you said about that, the inner dictator, because I’ve certainly, I’m sure it’ll be a lifetime of unraveling that, but the inner dialogue is sometimes I don’t have time, I think you mentioned that I don’t have time for this, I need to be productive, all of those things that capitalism, patriarchy, tell us that we, I can’t do this because I need to be doing this.

and I’m at the part of it where there’s a lot of, okay, let’s pause, let’s, is this truth or is this? the inner dictator. I like that I have a name for it now. I’m going to borrow that if that’s okay. My inner dictator that’s trying to keep me from pleasure because I’m not about it anymore.

I’m ready to cut ties with them. 

Kalah: yes. so many aspects that have tried to keep us safe and that’s why it’s like there I have compassion because these are all coping strategies under pretty severe conditions, you know, we’re talking about. Stomach oppression and you know how our bodies have adapted to those environments.

And so I have a lot of compassion for the inner dictator. And at the same time, my pleasure is not their domain. That’s not the domain dictator. That’s not where they rest in my body anymore. 

Cassie: Absolutely. I don’t want to keep you for too long, so I’m just going to ask you a couple more questions before we wrap up.

but when those, because I, you know, I think about, I know for me, that inner dictator, and like we’ve already mentioned, grief comes up in so many ways, but I know for me, I have had a lot of grief as well around that inner dictator, and Remembering that I do, get to experience pleasure and I get to decide when and how I experience pleasure.

And then I will, sometimes I can go into that spiral of, Oh, I, of either feeling bad about it or feeling bad about how much I’ve missed out because I listened to the inner dictator for so long. So handling when those, griefs arise of. ways to be with them, address them, move with them, as they arise.

Kalah: Yeah. I’ve said this before on another podcast and I’ll just say it again, when I hit these moments of resistance and, or let’s say challenge when there’s shame or guilt that comes up and I start to grieve and I start to get angry and I start to get just really upset about the years that were lost.

I ask myself this question, what is the most loving thing I could do next? And so bell hooks talks about so brilliantly talks about, what it takes to step into a culture of love, what it takes to walk into a love ethic and embody that in our relations. with ourselves and with our communities.

And I think it, it takes asking questions like that in moments of despair. It takes asking the question, what is the most loving thing I can do next to take care of this grief, to take care of this grieving body. Sometimes that’s lying down. Sometimes that’s making a cup of tea. Sometimes that’s taking a walk.

Sometimes that’s brushing your teeth. Sometimes that’s, not brushing your teeth. like it really can be a very simple. exchange of realism, there’s this, sobriety, that comes online, like you sober up when you’re in the middle of this grief and you’re Whoa, like my capacity right now is not of the expectation of what patriarchy or capitalism or these oppressive societies would even deem as like.

normal, whatever you want to call these like really distorted views of how we’re supposed to be showing up as humans. And if we lovingly can slow down and ask these questions and take the next best step towards love, regardless of what that is. I think that we are starting to build cultures of care.

Beyond what we know now when we’re starting to step into unconditional loving space with ourselves and then have more capacity to do that with others. yeah, there’s so much that I think people really need to learn about how to hold space for both pleasure and grief. They’re very similar in the ways in which we hold space for both of those beautiful human attributes.

And it is one that is incredibly loving, incredibly slow and incredibly like non judgmental. It’s just okay, I got to release the control and I got to let go. Otherwise, this is going to consume me. And then I will have lost myself again. And I want to make sure that I stay with myself as much as I can.

in the sensation of all of my life experiences. 

Cassie: Beautiful. I love that invitation. Thank you. as I shared with you, interviews are new to my podcast, so I’m playing around with some sort of a closing question. And though you might’ve already answered this, I would just love to hear, what right now is, bringing you back to your innate wholeness.

Kalah: Gosh, so much. I’m like, Oh God, there’s like a million things that are bringing me back to my wholeness. This is my Gemini rising here. Ooh, I got like 20 million things going on at once. But I think, the first thing that came to me and what’s really been apparent is, the skill of letting go and the skill of saying no.

And how that actually brings me into such deep states of satisfaction and satiation and wholeness. So I am like a genius at the yes, right? that’s what I teach people. I teach people the yes. Like, how do I have you screaming? yes. Like I can probably get you there pretty well. And what I’ve learned though, is that yes, doesn’t just come out of nowhere.

That our no’s are really deep, nourishing, loving. No thank you’s are shaping our yeses. They’re giving definition to our yeses. So it creates this really dynamic partnership. And what I’m experiencing in my life is that as I really honor my own capacity and my own limitations. Which is like a really hard concept for a pleasure, a pleasury stuff.

I’m like, wait, there’s limits.

This is boundless. but to really say listen, this is my capacity. This is where I’m at. And I’m going to have to bow out of this, opportunity or social event or whatever it may be. And really. Safeguard that capacity. I’ve learned that these deep wells of satiation and satisfaction, are experienced.

I’m like, wow. Okay. So the world didn’t implode by me saying no. And what actually became much clearer was like, My definitive yes, and the things that I actually do have capacity for not only capacity but also like deep longing for. and I think that’s just a maturation process, I’m 38, which I feel like is very young.

I feel like talk to me when I’m 60. This podcast is going to be, this interview is going to be great. but I do, I feel very young and I feel that I’m still in deep maturation processes that will. Start to come to light even more and more as I grow into my maturity, and I’m really looking forward to that.

And there’s this real beauty to the boundary work that comes with pleasure. And so that’s been really tantalizing. 

Cassie: I love that and I love your description of your no’s sort of chiseling and carving out what your yeses are like bringing them. Even more fully to life. That’s a really beautiful visual.

Oh, Kayla, I’m so grateful to know you and to have worked with you and for all of the beauty and wisdom you shared with us here. Thank you so much for, for showing up and sharing. And I would just love for you to share, where people can find you, where people can work with you, the ways that they can work with you.

Kalah: Of course. Yeah. So I have my website, which is in pleasure. We trust dot com as well as my instagram at Kayla dot hill. And yeah, there’s lots of fun musings going on there. I’m getting braver shining my light. And so I’ll have more things coming, and always feel free to reach out to me. I love connection.

I’m happy for you to slip into my DMs, honestly, slip into my DMs and ask me out. I’ll probably say yes. I’m such a flirt. I love flirting. I love getting to know people. I’m very curious. And so yeah, I’m always available for a chat, and to connect and yeah, there’s many ways I work with individual clients, privately online and also in person and I do combo packs with that too.

So we’ll have some things online, some things in person. And then I also host group experiences and events of the erotic nature. I’m very ceremonial, very conscious, and intentional. space for going a little deeper into exploring, sensual touch and erotic exploration. So really excited about all those things.

Cassie: Yeah. Yes. Some of those are piquing my interest. I didn’t know about the group. Work that you did. That’s exciting. and I will, of course, I will have all of your links and everything and the show notes so people can find you easily and connect. Wonderful. Thank you again so much, Kayla. 

Kalah: Thank you, Cassie.

My pleasure. 

The Nurturing Mother of Late Summer

The golden glow of summer is present but slowly fading. Fruits are ripe as the land continues to give, and the Earth’s love for us can be seen, felt, and tasted. There’s much to celebrate and much to grieve. Burning land, displacement, and smoke-tinged air offer potent reminders of where we are. It feels like too much more often than not. Then I remember these cycles, even human-created, will continue with or without me and that soft spaces are needed. The Nurturing Mother of late summer holds out her bountiful arms to nurture our grief. Soft spaces exist to grieve and be held but sometimes need to be cultivated from within. 

In this month’s Seasonal Magic and Medicine, enjoy reflections on the Goddesses Ceres and Demeter, a short writing about our need for soft spaces, a guided journey meditation to connect with Nurturing Mother of Late Summer, and a ritual to connect with plants in your local environment. Click here to join my newsletter to receive these monthly Seasonal Magic and Medicine articles in your inbox. 

Ceres and Demeter

The presence of the Greek Goddess Demeter and Roman Goddess Ceres, who many believe are one and the same, move to the foreground during this season. Ceres and Demeter are Mother Goddesses of the harvest, grain, nourishment, protection, grief, and fertility. They help to ensure and protect a bountiful harvest while providing a warm lap for the impending grief of winter. 

L’ete, Ceres – Jean-François Millet (1864-1865). Wikimedia Commons.

In the case of Demeter, she knows her daughter, Persephone, who some view as an aspect of Demeter, will soon return to the Underworld for six months during the dark half of the year. Persephone returns to the Underworld by choice each year, rather than force, as a necessary aspect of the birth-death-rebirth cycle. Monica Sjöö references this in The Great Cosmic Mother, “As the Grieving, determined mother she descends to the Underworld–into social rebellion, role-reversals, personal madness, the dark journeys of introspection and disintegration that precedes creative, visionary power–to rediscover her own soul, retrieve the joyous daughter of self-determining life.”

Ceres was an especially beloved Goddess of the common people of Rome because she offered protection from the Roman empire and more closely resembled the original regenerative Earth Goddesses. I feel this protective essence of Ceres especially potent this season, in the land, and for the masses (human and more-than-human) demanding a liveable future. 

We see in these Goddesses an opportunity to be nourished by the land and be held in our grief as we honor cycles of death in the land and ourselves to “rediscover” our “own soul,” as Sjöö puts it. 

Creating Soft Spaces

Earth’s cycles persist. Embrace or ignore them, but know they won’t stop because you are them. Where’s your soft space, the unconditional embrace that helps you dance through these bright, burning unknowns?

Soft spaces exist. Flowers bloom, and trees fruit amidst climate collapse as their kin die, burn, or drown. They don’t hide away til it’s done. They lean in to be held and nourished from within and around. They allow it because they know they‘ll have a soft place to land, right here in the land. Swallowed up and held tight by the Great Mother’s embrace, all to rise and do it again. 

Who holds you, dear one, when you realize the soft spaces were paved over? Where do you lay your grief and gather your love, or do they lie dormant and stagnant within you? 

The cycles will persist, with or without you, and whiteness and money will never be enough to save you. Mother Earth will forever continue to birth, dance, and die.

Every phase has its place in her warm embrace, readying for death and rebirth to continue. She’s breaking the pavement of soft spaces paved over.

Where does it leave you, us? The soft, warm lap of the Great Mother, the Earth, whoever you call them, offers this respite and the wisdom to remember. Their love can be seen in weeds weaving through cracks and Orcas fighting back. Each example a reminder that cultivating soft spaces together makes us much safer. 

Is it time for you to allow or to come out from hiding? When we build soft spaces together, they’re much harder to crack. The flowers do not struggle to bloom or do it alone. They take their time, roots connected to all. Taking cues from above and below, guiding them to grow, dance, and die. They know their blooming signals an eventual return to the soft space of compost, yet they move right along. Maybe that’s why we deny our own mysterious callings. We know it’s a surrender to eventually going back home. 

So, I ask you again, who holds you, dear one, when you realize the soft spaces were paved over? Where do you lay your grief and gather your love, or do they lie dormant within? Perhaps, we can create soft spaces together, held in the warm embrace of a Great Nurturing Mother. 

Nurturing Mother Meditation

What are you grieving this season? Let’s cultivate a soft space within to give it a home. Join me in a live circle to grieve and be held by the great Nurturing Mother of Summer by clicking here. Or, follow these steps to have a meditation journey of your own. As always, modify as needed. 

Before you begin, bring something to mind that feels tender and needs grieving. You might decide to have a physical representation of what you are grieving. If so, you can have that with you for meditation, but it is not a necessity.

1. Create a sacred space for your meditation in line with your practice. There are many ways to do this, like lighting incense, a candle, calling upon guides, and honoring the four directions. You might also like to play soft drumming music, or nature sounds that help you meditate. 

2. Begin to focus on your breath and body. Spend as much time here as you need to feel aware and embodied. 

3. Close your eyes or gaze softly ahead and begin to visualize with your mind’s eye an environment that feels safe. If you work with any guides or allies, you can connect with them here and invite them on the journey. 

4. Notice a door appears, and if it feels aligned, walk through it. 

5. Out ahead, you see a great stone circle. Walk in through the East to the center. From the center stone, orient yourself towards the Southwest and notice a warm golden glow. 

6. As you exit the stone circle and walk towards the warm glow, become aware of how the environment looks, smells, and feels. 

7. With the warm sun overhead, call upon the Great Mother with your grief in hand. She will appear uniquely to all, perhaps as a person or not or as the land itself. Allow yourself to be guided in how you interact with her. 

8. Offer your grief to be held, again allowing your intuitive connection with her to guide you. 

9. Spend as much time here, perhaps sitting in her lap, weeping, or noticing the beauty and nourishment of the season. 

10. When you feel ready to go, thank the Great Mother, and head back towards the stone circle to the center stone. Pause at the center stone before exiting out the east and heading back to the doorway. 

11. Once through the doorway, thank any guides or allies who accompanied you. Open your eyes and return to your space as you are ready. Consider journaling your experience, looking around your room, and having food and drink to help reorient you to your physical environment. 

Plant Connection Ritual

This ritual is an invitation to connect deeply with a plant(s) in your local environment as a form of gratitude and nourishment. The plant world’s ability to continue to give fruit amidst our quickly changing world holds wisdom. 

This ritual does not require receiving anything physical from the plant (although it could) and might come through as an insight or simply through being present with a plant’s beauty. 

Vervain, Verbena Stricta.

You might find it helpful to take some time before committing to this ritual to become more aware of the plants growing in your local environment and notice if any particular plants call to you or if you notice some more than others. 

You’ll need:

• 20-40 minutes

• offering (smoke, water, stone, anything that feels aligned with your practice)

• plant(s)

1. Based on what is accessible to you and your body, go for a walk or find a place to sit where there are plants. Doing this does not require a lush forest or prairie and can be done with plants in your yard, community, or even a shopping center. 

2. Once you’ve decided on a location, find a plant you feel called to connect with and sit with or near it. Before connecting with the plant, consider asking permission to connect with it. If getting close to a plant is not accessible, you can perform this ritual as a meditation by visualizing the plant within your mind’s eye. 

3. Notice how the plant supports life and gives to its local environment. Does it have fruit, flowers, or seeds? Are there bugs, birds, or bees on or around it? Is it protecting the soil? Notice the plants, leaves, fruit, or flowers. What do you find beautiful about them? 

4. Consider asking the plant questions. Some to consider might be, “Tell me about your essence?”, “Who do you nurture?”, “What bring you joy?”, “Can I do anything for you?”, or “Would you like to give anything to me?”. Answers might come through as inner knowings, feelings, visuals in the mind’s eye, or inner dialogue.

5. Act accordingly, and as you can, if you receive invitations to give or receive from the plant. For example, if you feel the plant wants water, bring it. If you feel the plant wants to share itself with you in some physical way, allow yourself to receive it (of course, do not ingest anything unless you know it is safe to do so.)

6. Thank the plant for its energy and give your offering. 

As late summer slowly yields to fall, its beauty and bounty feel especially transient and tender. Our ever-turning cycles are a constant reminder that nothing lasts forever. Fortunately, lasting forever is not a prerequisite to savoring the fruit of the season, the joys of life, or the beauty of the earth. May your grief give way to soft spaces that allow you to be nurtured enough to descend into your own personal underworlds.

Weaving Wisdom Past, Present & Future

The Magnolia tree is the oldest flowering tree that we humans know of. Fossils of Magnolia have been found dating back 58 million years. Some botanists think the Magnolia flower, or something resembling it, may have been the first flower on Earth from which all other flowers descended. Magnolia lived amongst the dinosaurs and continues to flourish today in various species. Magnolia is so old that these ancient examples pollinated with the help of beetles rather than bees because bees did not exist. It has witnessed many of Earth’s phases, expansive, destructive, regenerative, and everything in between. 

A beautiful Magnolia tree, Magnolia X soulangeana, often called Tulip or Saucer Magnolia, lives next to our house. It was quick to get my attention upon moving here last year. When Spring came, it flowered early, as many Magnolias do, and let me know it was time to weave some magic. The early bloom of Magnolia is something else I find interesting about these trees: they often flower early, losing blooms to inevitable cold snaps, yet, Magnolia continues to thrive. 

Magnolia X soulangeana bloom.

How Magnolia and I would work together was still unclear in the early Spring. I’ve learned to allow these things to unfold in their own time. As I continued to connect with Magnolia, both in person and in journey, guidance and direction began to take shape. Others were invited in, Grandmother Cedar and Lilac Tree, so, I began connecting with them too. I’m increasingly taken by the force at which some magical workings move me into actions I do not always fully understand. I now know this to be where the most potent magical workings happen. When I release control around what magic I think is needed, I open myself to the energy currents around me and the wisdom of other beings and spirits I’ve come to trust. I can be an instrument for needed magic to take shape without my human influence, inserting myself as a more communal part of both the physical and non-physical realms. I am simultaneously an integral and insignificant part of the magical workings, as I trust another would bring it to life if I did not. 

Throughout this process, I learned how to weave a cord from the inner bark of Cedar and crafted a beautiful three-strand rope as part of this collaboration. I am quite proud of it! Further guidance suggested combining these tree energies in a vibrational or flower essence. However, the water worked with in this process holds more than the flowers placed atop it as there was quite a bit unfolding around it at its inception.

Grandmother Cedar tree and her inner bark used for the rope.

As my practice deepens, I’ve become more aware of collective energy shifts and often feel a need to help midwife energies in or out of the collective. Sometimes, I sense these shifts in small groups of people, the country, or humanity. This was one of those times and felt like the latter. Though Magnolia tipped me off to this project months earlier, these workings culminated during an eclipse season. Which, if you know, you know. Right? Most of this last eclipse season felt like a trance-like blur. Perhaps, for you too? 

This collaborative creation was a midwifing in situation, a remembering. Magnolia’s easeful wisdom reminded me that we have access to the same timelines they do. Like Magnolia, we can weave back into the past by connecting with the parts of ourselves that lived in various parts of the world hundreds and thousands of years ago. It’s all there in our blood, bones, and the dirt beneath us that grows our food. As is the future. Magnolia showed me time as an accordion-like shape that can fold in on itself and expand, as though time is simultaneously linear and singular. A feature that enables us to access different points at will, inviting us to lean on the perseverance and wisdom from our past well and healed ancestors and the strength and desires of our future well and healed descendants. Beyond different timelines, I was also invited to explore different parts of my personal timeline for healing, strength, wisdom, and hope. For example, accessing the healed and whole maiden bursting with playful curiosity and desire when needed, knowing I can also access the wise crone who may or may not be fully realized physically yet lives within me now.

The invitation I found in this experience was to become more comfortable navigating and seeking support and guidance from these different timelines, both within myself and the collective. Working in this way felt more like a remembrance than a new practice. It also helped expand the depth of my otherworld support network in ways I didn’t know I needed, which helped me navigate the unfolding present. I think most of us, especially magical and spiritual folk, sense significant changes on the horizon. Our desires as a collective, alongside our plant and animal kin, feel like they’re culminating. Albeit outwardly and by design, it may not appear that most of us have the same overall desires, I believe our desires are more similar than we’re led to believe. Seeds are planted, and it seems all timelines seek to support a bountiful harvest that supports all life beyond humans. 

But these transitional times can be messy, confusing, and scary. Our metaphorical growing season may bring pests, drought, or uncertain situations. Messy isn’t bad, but it often requires additional resources to navigate the frequent reorientations needed to move through it. Magnolia impressed upon me some solutions, a remembrance of our ability to weave together the wise and healed ones of the past, present, and future. We need to expand our perspective far beyond the perceived challenges of these times by leaning on the wisdom of the past and future well and healed ones. Well-rooted strength, hope, and love are waiting for you in different timelines, and they are excitedly watching, ready to assist, as are the different versions of yourself. 

If you’re reading this, I doubt this is surprising. I suspect it’s information that will feel like a confirmation because it’s energy you’ve also picked up on. We’re in for significant changes here on Earth, but I feel well-resourced and equipped for whatever comes. And, when I don’t, which is also often, I remember that I have the support of the wise ones in all timelines guiding me. 

Chanting and weaving the Cedar rope as the essence steeped.

I chanted as I wove the cedar cord over the steeping essence of Magnolia and Lilac flowers, “Wise ones, maidens, mothers, and crones—healed and whole. Past, present, future, weaving together the here and now.” or some variation of it. The essence is bottled, with a portion of the Cedar cord around each bottle, and titled the Wisdom Weaver Elixir. It feels important, but it also feels like the waves of the work are rippling out regardless of who consumes the essence. I do like it, though, and it feels like some of the most meaningful magic I’ve been a part of. 

The essence with Lilac & Magnolia flowers & the finished Cedar rope around the glass.

A personal result of accessing these timelines is that I’ve been connecting with a second-generation successor of my children. It’s been inspiring and exciting as most of my spiritual connections have revolved around ancestors and otherworld beings. Connecting with this related being from the future grants me a hopeful and beautiful perspective. Your ancestors have walked through much, as have you and the lineages beyond you who will inhabit this realm, or are already.  I’ve certainly enjoyed expanding my community beyond the present by allowing it to weave through different timelines within myself and beyond. Perhaps we’ll need more than ourselves to dance through this phase.