6 Signs Your Shadow Work Practice Is Working
We’re often encouraged to ignore our darkness. To pretend that we don’t have inner demons, that we can be all love and light, that we can be “healed” without diving into our wounds.The truth is that we can’t, and that’s where shadow work comes in.Shadow work is the conscious practice of exploring your dark feelings, often ignored in your subconscious, that you feel ashamed and afraid of.
We’re often encouraged to ignore our darkness. To pretend that we don’t have inner demons, that we can be all love and light, that we can be “healed” without diving into our wounds.
The truth is that we can’t, and that’s where shadow work comes in.
Shadow work is the conscious practice of exploring your dark feelings, often ignored in your subconscious, that you feel ashamed and afraid of.
The aim of shadow work is to bring that darkness to the light and integrate it into your whole self. So that you can heal and become whole.
Click to learn more about what shadow work is and 4 simple steps to get started with it.
But once you start working with your shadow, how do you know that it’s really working?
This post will share 6 signs that your shadow work practice is working, moving you towards being a more healed, whole human being.
1. Other people’s behaviors don’t trigger you like they used to. They no longer create intense emotional responses or cause you to go into your head. You notice their behaviors, of course, but no longer feel a need to react or respond.
2. You drop blame and denial. When a shadow aspect of yourself shows up, you don’t deny it and you no longer blame yourself or the person who may have triggered you. You’re learning to acknowledge and accept your shadow, so you may even feel grateful to those who have helped shine a light on it so that it can be transformed and healed.
3. You judge other people (and yourself) less. When you’ve gone into the depths of your own darkness and learned to offer yourself complete acceptance and forgiveness, it’s so much easier to offer that to other people, as well.
You’re able to be much more accepting and compassionate towards others because you realize that your judgments of others stem from your own unhealed places. Once you heal those wounds, other people’s behaviors don’t phase you.
4. You recognize that you have become part of someone’s shadow. According to shadow work expert Jessi Huntenberg, the shadow work journey starts as what was done to you— all the conditioning and fear and wounds you have from your family, your childhood, from society— and slowly you get to a point where you realize that you are someone else’s shadow, too.
When you can realize this and offer yourself forgiveness for the people that you hurt when you were operating from a place of your own wounds, you know that your shadow work is working.
5. You’re no longer afraid to be seen. So many of us have wounds around visibility. We’re afraid to be seen. We feel like if people knew this or that about us, they wouldn’t love us. They would see how “unworthy” we really are.
When your shadow work is really working, that shame around the darkest parts of you begins to dissipate. It gets transformed into acceptance and love. And so you’re no longer afraid to be seen as you really are because you accept and love yourself fully and wholly.
6. Your life has become more peaceful. This is what we all want, right? Shadow work can get you there. Your life becomes more peaceful when you fully embrace and love ALL parts of yourself— the parts that are easy to love and the parts that are really difficult. Your interactions with others, your relationships with others, and your relationship with yourself all become a lot more positive.
What is your relationship with shadow work? Which of these signs are you experiencing?
5 Simple Steps to Get Started with Shadow Work
Intimidated by starting shadow work? Most of us have spent a lifetime hearing phrases like “be positive” and “look on the bright side,” so it’s no surprise that you might be a little freaked out about shadow work. While these sentiments are always shared in love, they can also cause us to repress trauma, difficult emotions, and thoughts we'd prefer to keep to ourselves. This constant repression will usually backfire, causing your fears and judgments to erupt out onto others later.It’s no wonder most of us are hesitant to jump into shadow work. We’ve been told our whole lives to ignore it.There are three fundamental steps to doing shadow work: to identify your shadow aspects, allow space for you to process them, and, finally, integrate them.
Intimidated by starting shadow work? Most of us have spent a lifetime hearing phrases like “be positive” and “look on the bright side,” so it’s no surprise that you might be a little freaked out about shadow work. While these sentiments are always shared in love, they can also cause us to repress trauma, difficult emotions, and thoughts we'd prefer to keep to ourselves. This constant repression will usually backfire, causing your fears and judgments to erupt out onto others later.
It’s no wonder most of us are hesitant to jump into shadow work. We’ve been told our whole lives to ignore it.
There are three fundamental steps to doing shadow work: to identify your shadow aspects, allow space for you to process them, and, finally, integrate them. By integrating your shadow side, you become whole.
As with all deep work, sometimes a qualified professional is needed. If you feel you need help from a therapist, psychiatrist, doctor, healer, or even a friend, I encourage you to do so. Facing the parts of ourselves often ignored can be difficult, especially if you've faced particularly traumatic events in your life.
I invite you to approach these offerings as ancillary allies to a shadow work practice. Here are four simple steps to help you get started with shadow work.
1. Practice Mindfulness
I mentioned in my last post that much of shadow work is becoming aware of how you’re projecting your shadow onto others and being triggered. Imagine your triggers as little notes from your shadow self.
The most effective way to bring more awareness into your daily life and catch those projections and triggers is through mindfulness. I’m not saying you need to commit to 30 minutes of silent meditation a day; a simple 5 minutes can really go a long way. If you need some pointers on how to start meditating, check out this earlier blog post on 8 quick tips to “be here now.”
2. Connect with Goddesses Associated with Shadow Work
There are Goddesses worldwide across cultures who correspond with the parts of life we're often told to keep to ourselves or ignore. Each Goddess below offers unique wisdom concerning shadow work. There are many more Goddesses and Gods to connect with
Kali
Kali is the wild and intense-looking Hindu Goddess of time, death, destruction, and rebirth. She is often shown with skulls around her neck and one in her hand. Morbid as it may seem, these skulls actually represent the death of the ego. Even though the image of Kali may be jarring or even scary, she is the personification of shadow and can help you get in touch with darker aspects of your ego that you may be avoiding.
Lillith
The Goddess Lilith has roots in several cultures and religions including ancient Sumeria and Christianity. She's referred to as both a demon and a seductive sex Goddess. Lilith is in touch with her sexuality which has caused men to fear her. She represents equality between men and women. Connect with Lilith to explore any sexual shadows you may have hidden.
Hecate
Hecate is a Greek Goddess of witchcraft and magic, she's closely related to ghosts and death. Hecate is often shown standing at a fork in the road as a reminder to examine our motives clearly before making a decision. She offers protection and wisdom. Hecate is perfect to work with if you're going through transitions. Ask for her guidance to shed light on the shadow side of changes you are going through.
Once you’ve found a goddess or god that you connect with, place a card, picture, or statue of her on your altar or in a place you’ll see it regularly to offer inspiration while meditating or journaling.
One of my favorite ways to connect with the goddesses is through The Goddess Oracle card deck. It doesn’t shy away from the dark goddesses, and my readings are always so powerful when they show up!
3. Create an Altar Space to Explore your Shadow Side
Altars are powerful healing tools. Much like a sacred container, your altar can hold space and energy for difficult emotions, traumas, and experiences. An altar can be as small or large as you'd like. It serves as a physical representation of what you're working on or working through. Small objects, tarot or oracle cards, crystals, herbs, pictures, or journal entries, etc., could all be parts of an altar. Learn more about creating an altar here.
To implement an altar for shadow work, start by selecting some representative items of what you're working through. It could be as simple as a black candle and a piece of rose quartz. Use the altar space to meditate at, call upon some of the Goddesses mentioned above, cry, yell, journal, process. When you're done, leave the energy you created at your altar space. You can go about your day knowing your feelings are safe at your altar, ready to be revisited when you're ready. The altar space will also serve as a reminder of your commitment to integrating your shadow.
4. Work with Supportive Crystals
Several crystals can be used for helping you with shadow work, but these are my favorites. Here are my top 3 picks for crystals to recruit for starting shadow work:
Snowflake Obsidian
This grounding stone is my top pick for shadow work. It can help open the door to your shadow side by bringing emotions, patterns, and fears to the surface. Black obsidian is also good for shadow work, but the balancing flecks of white in the snowflake version soften and balance its energy nicely.
Blue Kyanite
This stone is the softer, subtle version of snowflake obsidian. If you’re looking for a very gentle introduction to shadow work, kyanite is your stone, or you can just add it to your shadow work crystal collection! Kyanite comes with a host of other benefits but is helpful for recalling old memories and working through obstacles.
Rose Quartz
Shadow work will most likely bring up strong emotions for you. It’s important to bring in some soothing self-love energy while diving into shadow work, and rose quartz is the mother of loving vibes!This quote really says it all.
“If darkness is the absence of Love, then the most effective tonic to use in healing internal shadow is self-love. The more love we flow into our deepest wounds and darkest emotions, the quicker we are able to clear and raise our vibration.” - Jennifer Diamond
Place your shadow work crystal on your altar or in a place you’ll see them regularly. Another good alternative is to wear these stones for a beautiful and powerful reminder of your intention to do shadow work.
5. Draw, Paint, Write & Journal
You may find that tapping into your shadow side is more difficult than you thought. If you find yourself stuck in positivity mode, grab a pen or paintbrush and spend some time journaling and creating. Allow yourself time to create and/or journal without any outcomes in mind and let your subconscious flow. You might be surprised what naturally comes up when you commit yourself to some no expectation creative time.
This is the perfect time to keep some snowflake obsidian or kyanite nearby to help bring your darker side to the surface.
I also created an infographic for those who like visuals, and I added more ways to process shadow work.
Shadow work is not a one-and-done kind of deal. This is work that will happen over a lifetime. Every time you uncover and process one thing, you'll usually find there's more underneath. It's part of the process of being a whole human.
What is Shadow Work & Why You Need It
When was the last time you had an all-consuming work week that resulted in snapping at someone you love? You don’t mean to, you don’t want to, but it just comes out. I’ve certainly been there too.Just one week, or even less sometimes, of repression can result in some pretty gnarly backlash.Now, imagine what years of repressing part of your soul might cause. Let’s go one step further. Imagine what the repression of an entire society of souls might look like.You probably don’t have to spend much time imagining this because it seems to be playing out right in front of our eyes.I don’t mean to scare you off and promise you that this isn’t a doom and gloom rant! This is a topic that has some stigma attached to it, but it also desperately needs to be talked about.
When was the last time you had an all-consuming work week that resulted in snapping at someone you love? You don’t mean to, you don’t want to, but it just comes out. I’ve certainly been there too.
Just one week, or even less sometimes, of repression can result in some pretty gnarly backlash.
Now, imagine what years of repressing part of your soul might cause. Let’s go one step further. Imagine what the repression of an entire society of souls might look like.
You probably don’t have to spend much time imagining this because it seems to be playing out right in front of our eyes.
I don’t mean to scare you off and promise you that this isn’t a doom and gloom rant! This is a topic that has some stigma attached to it, but it also desperately needs to be talked about.
Shadow work is something that has been calling to me since the passing of my grandma and my dad in 2015. After experiencing this loss, I went into a dark place that I’d never experienced or even knew was possible for me to visit. I was scared of myself. I was scared of what others thought of me. I was scared I’d never come back.
Through therapy and soul searching of my own, I slowly came back to the light, but not as the same person. I was reborn with integration and understanding of the darkness that lives within me, that is a part of me.
Since this experience, I’ve been drawn to explore shadow work more deeply. Before I dive into some methods for exploring shadow work let me give you a brief overview of what it is and why we so desperately need it right now.
What is Shadow Work?
Shadow work is the conscious effort of exploring the dark feelings, often ignored, that bring up shame, embarrassment, and fear in you. Many of these shadow feelings are not on the surface and reside in the subconscious.
The practice of exploring the shadow side of our nature can be found in religions and rituals all over the world, and more recently by psychiatrist Carl Jung.
Here’s another explanation of what the shadow self is:
“...the Shadow Self is an archetype that forms part of the unconscious mind and is composed of repressed ideas, instincts, impulses, weaknesses, desires, perversions and embarrassing fears.”- Mateo Sol
Why is Shadow Work Important?
In order to become a whole and fully healed person, you must integrate the dark and the light.
The more you suppress shadow the more it will come seeping out in destructive and self-sabotaging ways, oftentimes when you least expect it. When you acknowledge shadow and give it space to be, you may find that you’re more patient, kind, and accepting of yourself and others.
All worldly change must start within first. Taking a closer look at your own dark side can further the progression of our society taking a look within as well. Think of shadow work as a way to lift the veils and expose our earthly troubles. In order to heal, individually and as a species, we must acknowledge the dark.
Getting Started With Shadow Work?
You might be wondering how to identify parts of your shadow side. If these attributes tend to reside in the subconscious how can you become aware of them? You know the phrase, “you spot it you got it”? Most of us walk around projecting our shadow sides onto others, constantly judging and condemning others, for things that secretly reside deep within us.
Next step, cultivate mindfulness.
Now that you understand that your gut feelings of anger and judgment are your own shadows being reflected back to you it’s a matter of being aware of when they come up.
Keeping a journal or a list on your phone can be a great way of keeping track of instances, people, and events that send you down the judgment rabbit hole.
Side note, exploring shadow is heavy work. Though you can certainly work on it alone, it may bring up things that are hard to work through on your own. If you really want to dig deep, I encourage you to recruit guidance from a therapist or healer as well.
Next week I’ll share some rituals and tools for diving deeper into exploring your shadow side.
